Babbles Nonsense
Welcome to my verbal diary where I want to discuss any and all things that is essentially on my mind or have wondered about. Sometimes I will be solo and then other times I will have some amazing guests to bring all different perspectives in life. The ultimate goal is to hopefully bring some joy, laughter, inspiration, education, and just maybe a little bit of entertainment. Don't forget to like, rate, and share the podcast with a friend!
Babbles Nonsense
Turning Lemons into Lemonade w/ Meenu
#151: Have you ever grappled with the discomfort of relinquishing control, only to find that growth often comes from the very chaos you feared? This week on the Babbles Nonsense Podcast, we're thrilled to have Meenu back with us as we unpack the art of navigating life's unpredictable curveballs, all set against the charged atmosphere of election day. Through personal stories, we dive into the roots of our control issues, stemming from childhood experiences, and how they manifest in areas as varied as school projects and business ventures. Can you relate to the discomfort of driving with friends or hesitating to delegate tasks? Then this episode is definitely for you.
Striking the right balance between action and surrender is an ongoing challenge. We share relatable anecdotes, like launching a product with a marketing agency, that highlight the importance of staying grounded before making decisions. How do you know when to act and when to let go? Our conversation explores this delicate balance, emphasizing the role of supportive relationships in providing perspective. We explore the impact of acting from a place of alignment and readiness rather than fear, and discuss the significance of letting events unfold naturally, even when it feels counterintuitive.
Expectations can be a double-edged sword, affecting both personal and professional relationships. Through stories of dating experiences and recent travel adventures, we examine the dance between dreaming and staying grounded, and how neutrality can enhance life experiences. Our exploration doesn't stop at relationships, extending to the journey of self-growth and reflection. By setting intentions instead of rigid expectations, we foster a mindset where success feels attainable. Join us as we reflect on growth, learning, and moving forward, all while inviting your feedback to enrich our collective journey toward wellness.
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What is up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense Podcast Today. We have Minyu back today and we are talking about things such as when life throws you curveballs, like what do we do with it? What do we do with that emotion? How do we process it? And Minyu is going to walk us through that. This is more of a conversation piece versus like a coaching piece, so I really hope you like today's format.
Meenu :I really enjoyed this conversation with Minyu, so let's just dive on in welcome back, guys, into another brand new episode and transcend into wellness and babbles nonsense. We are here to talk about so many things today. I know this title might have been like what are they talking about? Lemons? But we're not really talking about lemons, guys. It's a metaphor. So we're really going to get into all of that and we are at very unpredictable times right now. We're actually recording this on election day. We don't want to talk about that, but the energy right now is very heightened all around us everywhere, but we still decided to go ahead and record a podcast.
Johnnna:So if, like, anything comes off like wow, they're just really into that, or whatever, it's more probably the energy that we're feeling internally about the election, probably, and where it's just coming across in a different manner.
Meenu :Yes, so don't mind the fiery energy. The fiery, we're both water science, but today we both have fiery energy, so don't mind it. Fiery energy, the fiery, we're both water science, but today we both have fiery energy, so don't mind it.
Johnnna:Yes, yes yes, I'm excited about this topic. We have been talking about it and bouncing the idea around for a couple of weeks and, of course, things came up in your life, things came up in my life and we couldn't record, and then it just happened to be today.
Meenu :It happened to be today of all days, oh my gosh. But hey, what better day to talk about issues, right? What a better day to talk about problems and how to navigate that. So it's like. So we're like, you know, we're really what it's more of a conversation today, guys. What we're really going to like talk about is, like, when life throws a curve ball, when life is unpredictable, when shit hits the fan, like what do you do? Like how do you navigate through that situation? How do you move through that situation, which is essentially connecting it to like control and the lack of it, and when you have lack of it, like how do you deal with that? Right, and I know that, jonna, like we've talked about it before, I think you have some controlled stuff. I have some controlled stuff.
Johnnna:I think I have a control problem. I think that's everything in my life. It's because I want to control it instead of just giving it to faith, the universe, god, whatever. Whatever you believe in, just giving it over. I think that is my biggest problem.
Meenu :Right, right, right, and obviously you know we can dive deeper into that. But I think it comes from an inherent lack of trust in other people to have your back, whether that's God or whether that's universe, or whether that's society or parents. Then I think there's lack of security from the external world. You automatically find a coping mechanism that says I don't want anybody, I don't want any security from anybody, I don't trust anything. You know I'm going to control this whole thing, so it can go in a way that makes me feel safe. So yeah, agreed.
Johnnna:Agreed, and I mean we can also talk about that like how that comes from childhood and kind of stems from childhood. Like if you don't have that trust there and you can't build the trust in yourself, then you grow up thinking if I don't do this myself, it won't get done, like it kind of also stems over into things like projects in school Like that's the first thing that popped up into my head when you said it like when you're doing group projects in school, like how everyone's supposed to have a different task or be assigned a different task.
Johnnna:But then I would always be like I've got it, I'll do it all. Y'all just show up. Yeah, you know, because you you have to trust that other person's going to do their job and show up, right.
Meenu :Yeah, right, it definitely took a lot for me. I think this was so funny because I used to have for me it's not more of projects, it's not more of thing. For me it shows up in different ways, which is like with my business right, I will never, never say never, but for now I don't see myself hiring anybody to do my sales. I don't see anybody. And I don't see hiring anybody to do my, my posts or my videos or this. I just don't see it because I just feel like they'll mess it up, they won't have the essence, they won't do it right, you know. But you know, I have that thing with driving too, and I actually kind of overcame that a few years ago when I was sitting in the passenger seat of my friend who was learning how to drive and I was like I would not do this for anybody. I love your ass and that's why I'm sitting on the passenger seat. You better drive safe.
Johnnna:That's funny that you say that, because anywhere I go, like with my friends or whatever, they're always like hey, do you want a carpool? And I'm like no, I'll drive, I'll meet you there or I'll drive us. Look, I have an issue with driving too, because if I'm in the passenger seat, it's like I'm the whole time going.
Meenu :Yes, yes, I feel that on another, I still have it. It comes from time to time depending on who's driving I, I should have some trust in that person, otherwise I would rather drive. So you know that that sparks an interesting thing, right? What do we trust in, what do we have control in and what do we not have control in? So, to be really brutally honest, after having this human experience for 34 years now, I believe that control is the biggest illusion. I don't think we have control over anything. I feel like we can set intentions and we can move in the direction of that intentions, but things may not go in a way that is planned in the order that we planned it.
Johnnna:And it's funny that you say that because, like what I'm going through and experiencing with my house situation right now which I know, I know, guys, I've mentioned this house, like in all these past podcasts, and the episode is coming, I promise. But that's something I'm learning in my life as a lesson right now, and I truly think it's just a lesson from above like to let go and stop controlling Cause every time I try to control the situation or try to take back control, things get worse.
Johnnna:But every time I like okay, I got to let go, I got to release this control. Then things start kind of falling where they should.
Meenu :Right, and it's so hard for us. Yet, even though the lesson is like so obvious, it's still so hard for us, right? That's where I think, like, I believe that we should do our part. For example, like if I'm going to sit, sit on my couch and if I say, oh, I don't have any clients, you know, like I mean duh, like I'm not doing anything, I'm not taking inspired action, I'm not posting on social media, I'm not, you know, listing my business on Google or Yelp and I'm not doing anything. So how am I supposed to, like get it right? So I think that's the beautiful balance of where do we take inspired action and then where do we let go. And I think the entire life actually don't think. I know that the entirety of our existence is about balancing these two things, and when we do too much of one, then it leads to burnout. Or we do too much of relaxing and we don't do anything and we don't take any action. That leads to feeling very spaced out and ungrounded, Right? So this is God.
Meenu :This is a very huge subject, like, for example, like John was talking about our house, like I had some things that came up with my business where I was working with this agency and I wanted to run ads, like Facebook ads, to like get my product like going. And I think there was a part of me which was trying to control. I was like, okay, I really want to launch this. It'll be like this, it'll go like this, and I think I could hear myself energetically, physically, creating a story of how it is supposed to go and how it will go. I could like feel it, I could hear it, I got excited about it for a second and then I had to really ground myself and be like, okay, this is not tangible yet, so let's see how it goes. But you know how I mean, you know what I mean. It's like when you're really excited, when something is new, you can't help but get excited, right, right. I'm kind of like that excited puppy. You know, it's like you know.
Meenu :So I worked with this agency. We worked for one month. Expectations were not met. Second month, expectations were not met. And then I had a contract with them for four months and in the contract the agreement said I can dissolve this at any point. So I, after two months, I had to humble myself and be like okay, months. I had to humble myself and be like okay, the plans that my ego had created did not happen, yeah Doesn't mean it'll never happen. It did not happen with this agency, even though I believed that it'll really happen.
Meenu :So was there disappointment? Yeah, there was disappointment, because there were expectations, there were promises made, you know. So obviously there were disappointments, but then I'm not, I sat with it. I sat with it for a day and then I got over it, because I'm like what is it gonna do if I'm just disappointed, like the universe doesn't owe me shit, god doesn't owe me shit. Like everybody is disappointed, everybody makes plans and plans don't work out. So the best way I feel like to navigate situations like that is ask yourself did you act out of fear or scarcity? Because I certainly. I feel like I acted out of rush not even fear or scarcity, but I was like kind of in a hurry to like get kind of not in a grounded place.
Meenu :I was like in a hurry.
Johnnna:I was like.
Meenu :I need to get this out, I need to do this, I you know, so I my lesson is don't do anything unless you're fully grounded, fully ready, taking the time to analyze it, taking the time to do research, and then you do it. And even when you do it, I'm not saying it will succeed, right? So there's that.
Meenu :But then in my end of the street and I always like to reflect and ask what did I do here and what can I learn from this and how can I do it better? Because that's what you can control. What you can control is how you show up, you know, how you bring your energy and how you learn from your mistakes. So what I learned from this is like I'm not going to do anything from scarcity, I'm not going to do anything in a rushed manner, I'm not going to feel like I'm pressured to do it. I have to do it from an aligned place, I have to do it when I'm ready. Not from scarcity, not from neediness because there was also a little bit neediness, not from that. And I just decided in staying aligned and I'm, you know, back to being here, back to doing all this. So that was a crazy lesson that I learned over these past two months, and you know that. That brings me to the topic that everybody has something like that.
Johnnna:Yeah, no, you're right, so like. So like my house situation has been going on now, technically, the second thing this is the second time this issue has reoccurred and I'm guys, I'm gonna have to be a little like alluding because I'm not going to give too much detail but the issue that's going on with my house this is the second time it's reoccurred and it has now been going on almost four months and initially, you know, I had to take action. So that's where and I want to get into this, so like a question that's going to like that arose for me when you were talking was how do you know when to take control and to take action versus when to let up, because that it does come. That's hard for me to discern sometimes, but fortunately I have great people around me, like you and my aunt, who are always like okay, like you need to, you know, release the reins a little bit.
Johnnna:But like my house stuff has been going on for approximately four months now, and when it first started, like I had to like be act, action oriented, I had to get it going. I had to make all these plans, I had to call all these people and I had to go and everything was kind of falling into line. And now, like now that we kind of semi know what's going on with the house, I once, I, once we find a problem, I'm like, oh, let's start doing this, let's start doing that. And then it's like I'm starting to take too much control at that point and then things start falling apart because I'm kind of over controlling the situation, because I in my mind I'm like, oh, I know what's wrong, but really we only know half the problem, right, and so, like as I'm, it's hard for me to talk about it.
Johnnna:Cause it's like I want to say what's going on. So it's kind of hard to like make examples when you're not giving an example. But how do you know, like, like in my situation, like at the beginning, I had to be action oriented and I had to start taking control. But then how do you know when to release that control a little bit and let the universe start doing its thing?
Meenu :So this is really interesting because there's different ways to know that. One way is trial and error, like exactly what you learned, right. It's like you did too much. And then you're like, oh my God, no, no, no, that feels like, no, that does not feel good, like I'm not going to, I'm not. So that is another way to learn. It's like, oh, it really does not feel good, so I'm going to stop doing that. Yeah, that's the best indicator, guys.
Meenu :It's like, you know, whenever you start something new, when you're excited for something whatever, you are pumped with a lot of adrenaline. You know there is a lot of, you know, energy. You're like, okay, I want to get this puppy started. Like, let me take action. So that is inspired action because it comes with some energy behind it. It comes with a plan. You know you feel kind of aligned about it. You know you got to do it, so that's inspired action.
Meenu :Anytime you're overdoing it, you are going to start to feel like it doesn't feel good in your body. It feels suffocating, it feels too much, it feels stuck. You know that is when you're like, if you're feeling too stuck and you're just going, going, going, stop, take a pause and ask yourself if the going is still serving Right. The going just like putting out fires in your survival brain, or is it actually serving Right? Because if it's not actually serving, then you're just getting drained, you're just getting burned out, you're just in for disappointment, right. So I would say that is like the best indicator to know when to like, take action and then when to not give up but surrender, let go of control. For a second Take action. Let go of control Like.
Meenu :Another example that I can give is I can send out the emails, I can put out the post, I can do the podcast, but I cannot go to clients and be like hire me, like no, I cannot do that, nor will I do that. That's not my sales strategy. I don't follow people. I don't like to ask people to work with me. It has to be called, they have to come to me, but I'm still doing my part Right. So that is the gentle balance. And sometimes what happens is when we're when our expectations are too high. We tend to overdo.
Johnnna:Yeah, we tend to take more control.
Meenu :We tend to take more control and then we get burned because we're like, oh, nothing actually is happening. I think I need to, like, take a break, I think I need to pause, you know, and all those things. And then I think where this leads me to is this is again another topic for another podcast, but I'm going to touch on it a little bit is to stop creating stories because one aspect of your life is not going as per your plan yeah, right, yeah, now, this kind of ties into what we typically talk about.
Johnnna:When we talk about relationships a lot, I know we're talking about like tangible things, but like we can also kind of talk about control and relationships a little bit too, because I know that, like when I've been in situations or I really had this expectation that, oh my gosh, this could be the person like everything just seems to be fitting, but it's not. It's not really flowing naturally, right? Um, you're not that it's not flowing naturally, but like, let's say, it is flowing a little bit naturally, but then you're like you kind of gravitate on and hold on to that, and then you kind of try to control it and move it and navigate it and you're like but let's keep going in that momentum, let's keep going in that direction, but you're controlling it at that point. So then is it like then I get stuck in my head. I I'm like well, am I controlling it, or is this way it's supposed to be going? You, know?
Meenu :Well, it depends on, like, who initiates a lot, right, I think if you're initiating all the time, then you're driving the car baby, like that's as simple as that yeah.
Meenu :But it's like both sides it's like, oh, let's go for coffee, okay, let's go for lunch or let's go for dinner. It's like both energies are interacting, both energies are synergizing. Then, great, then that's the way it's supposed to be, because there's no control, there's just ease, and then there's openness, right. But control comes up a lot in relationships like a lot, lot, lot, lot lot. I'm actually obviously not going to name names, but I have a close friend that just got back into dating and she's back on the apps and you know like she, I can see that she gets really excited about meeting some people, she gets really excited about conversations, she gets really excited about dates and she gets really like overly excited than she's supposed to sometimes. And then I have conversations with her and I'll be like, listen, let's come to reality right and it's hard.
Johnnna:It's hard because, like you do get overly excited and you get expectations, and that's with anything, whether it be relationships or something new, a new job, whatever you got a new car, you got a new house, whatever. You get overly excited. Just like you said, you have these expectations which drives what? What did you say? It drives your moment like momentum. You said it at the beginning. You said it drives something like um oriented action or something um inspired action. So like it drives that inspired action.
Johnnna:And then it's almost like it's also a little bit of control, because that's mostly our personalities. Let's just call us type a's, because that's who this problem is, is these top eight people. And then it's like the inspired action kind of starts going back a little bit, but the control keeps going forward. And it's like you forget to pull back the control a little bit with that inspired action, because it's like the inspired action's going backwards and the control keeps going forwards. And then all of a sudden you look, you look three months ahead and you're like shit, I'm controlling everything in my life yeah, that is so true, so true.
Meenu :And that observation, that's actually amazing, the way you explained it is awesome.
Johnnna:And if y'all could see my hand like I was doing like a hand motion, like it just made so much sense when I was like have my hands together and then you can. Obviously this isn't a visual podcast, but like I had my hands together and I was like driving it like a boat and then all of a sudden my left hand is going backwards, my right hand is going forward, it's so funny guys.
Meenu :you should see this, we should. We should do a YouTube series sometime, but that's what it?
Meenu :is, you know, on another level, that is exactly what happened with my agency when I was working with just now. I was like let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. The inspired action became control and then, when the conversion stopped coming in a day or two, I would be like what is going on? I couldn't surrender because they had promised me we had talked about it. So, oh my God, like expectations, I have always seen ends in disappointments. So I have, almost, like after life experiences, after coaching so many clients I'm almost not always almost come to this point of neutrality in all situations and, to be brutally honest, I feel like that is serving me more than anything ever in my entire life, For example, yeah, let's talk about you as a coach like go ahead and say your example and then we're going to bring your example back up as a coach.
Meenu :Right. So, for everything, the way I practice is being neutral about it, right? So, for example, let's say I, for example, I had actually I can give you a real life example. This past month, october, I traveled to Spain. I went to Barcelona for five days, and so everybody that I talked to is like oh my God, it's amazing. This, this, that, that, that, that blah, blah, blah, Like they loved Barcelona. And then there were other people that were talking about, you know, the theft and all these problems there where people steal stuff, you can't keep things outside, you've got to be careful, and all these things.
Meenu :So I'm getting mixed information. And then I'm traveling with a few people that are very excited, right, my brain kicked in and my brain is like let's not be very excited, let's not be, you know, let's not look at the negative sides of Barcelona, let's stop tuning into both sides and let's be open for the experience. Yeah, and when I did that, guys, like when I did that, jonna, I truly had the best time. I saw it for what it is. I saw the pros, I saw the cons and I absolutely loved barcelona. I like absolutely 10 out of 10 recommended, but I was able to be fully present and not in the expectations no, I love that because, like, we can all agree that we all get these expectations in our, in our mind.
Johnnna:Whether it be you met someone, like you were talking about your friend, you met someone new and you're just so excited because you're like, oh my gosh, this could be the one, this could be my husband, and you're just, you have those expectations in your head right. Then you go on the date and it's a flop and you're just like, oh, like man, I had built this person up in my head. Or whether it be like I bought this house and this was supposed to be my dream home and look what's going on. You know, you build these expectations up in your head. So and it's not that we're not saying to dream, we're not saying to have expectations but how do you like find that fine line of like still have, like you want to have expectations of people because you don't want to like, not expect anything, you don't want to like just bottom of the barrel.
Meenu :It we're human beings. We're inherently dependent, need admire, adore other people. We're a community.
Johnnna:At the end of the day, there is inherent expectations, whether we want to or not so how do you find that fine line like, how do you find that fine line of not giving into too much of your expectations and also to dive into neutrality?
Meenu :honestly, it's a lot of inner work. It's. I mean, I've been doing the work for 10 years now. It's a lot of inner work and the work keeps working. I mean, I keep doing it, it's not, it doesn't end, and you know that, like you've done, that so it's managing it right.
Meenu :It's managing expectations. It's saying is it okay for me to have these expectations of this person, even though, like they don't know what I expect that's true in dating like they don't know what my expectations are until they've really gotten to know me right, or whether that situation, like they, you don't know if it's going to turn out. But is it okay for me to have expectations? Is it safe for me to have expectations? So asking yourself these realistic questions and saying is it okay for me to have expectations Is safe, and then doing like these energy checks, like quick check-ins.
Meenu :I think what that will do is enhance your awareness, and awareness is always great for healing. Anytime you're aware of something you know, you heal a lot more. So that'll keep you in awareness. But sometimes when I ask myself this question and my inner psyche, your intuition, is always going to tell you guys. So it's like my inner psyche will be like no, no, no, let's not have expectations, let's be optimistic and open. Yeah, the experience Right. So I do that with people. It's now become a part of my life where it's like brushing my teeth. It's so crazy.
Johnnna:No, and I was going to. That was going to be the question that I was going to ask you earlier. Like, how do you, as a coach because I'm sure, like we've talked about this, you're not perfect, no one's perfect you probably find yourself doing old habits and you have to pull yourself out, and you probably quickly pull yourself out of it because of all the coaching that you've done and the training that you've done and the inner work that you've done. So how do you deal with that when you find yourself like kind of falling back into old patterns and catching yourself? Do that?
Meenu :Yeah, so at first, obviously I'm human, I'm not a robot. So the first emotion that comes is a lot of disappointment, right it a lot of disappointment comes and I'm like damn, I you know, like I can't believe I did this, yada, yada, yada. And then I realized that even that is a program.
Johnnna:So I would say, is it double disappointment for you, since you're a coach and you're like I should know better?
Meenu :Yes and no, because I don't put my profession on a pedestal.
Meenu :Well good, good, good good. I don't do that and I tell this to all my clients, I tell this to my friends please don't look at me differently. Please don't put me on a pedestal. I'm human. I make mistakes. I'm going to make mistakes. I want to be seen for who I am, not for my title, not for what I do. So that was something I accepted within myself. So I know that I make mistakes. You know what I mean. I know that sometimes I'm not meeting my own expectations.
Meenu :So when that happens, the first thing is I get disappointed. I'm like, damn, I shouldn't have done this, should have done that. And then I catch myself. I'm like who said it has to be like this? Who said it has to go like this? It is my condition, it is society right. So I unprogram, I deprogram myself and be like let's say, nobody said this or that should haves, could haves, must haves. Let's say that didn't exist.
Meenu :And I get to restart. How do I want to restart this? Because that what happens is it helps me get out of the funk, it helps me process the funk, because I'm all about processing right. I sit in it, I tap it out, I journal, I meditate, I do breath, work, I do all different kinds of tools that I have. I do everything and then I'll be. I'll never do, I'll never start anything on the day I feel shitty. That is a rule of thumb for me. If I'm feeling shitty today and it keeps getting worse, I sit with it, I process it. I don't try to run. Okay, that is one thing I actively practice. It's very hard, but trust me, it'll help. And then I sleep, and then always the next day.
Johnnna:I feel reset, reset and guys running can be anything from. And she doesn't mean physically running, she means like zoning out TV, podcasts, music, alcohol, drugs, sex going and spending time with your friends, not sitting alone with those terrible feelings.
Meenu :Yes, 1000%, because the more you're running away from it, the actually the higher and the greater the impact is going to be for you later. Because that means you're telling yourself, you're literally telling yourself it is not safe to be with myself, it is not safe to be with my mind, it is not safe to be with my energy. I am a fuck up. I should you know. I can't face my feelings, I'm not brave enough. You are signaling to your subconscious all these things. If you don't sit with yourself, yeah, literally, so I. What I do is I sit with it. It sucks, it really sucks. And then I really process it. I do all these different things and then typically my best friend jokes about it. She'll be like so did you get over it yet? Like it's been, it's been four hours, I'm sure you're over it. She'll like make fun of me because my processing time is very quick, because I have done it thousand times. Yeah, you do something thousand times, you, you're gonna get good at it, whatever it is there's.
Johnnna:There's this guy that I talked to and we're friends now, um, and I remember when we were talking, he just made the comment that like, like, if something happens, like whether it be like a fight or something, he said he is fine the next day. He said I'm over it by the next day, like he was like they're you know, just move on. And I was just like wow, like I don't do that, like, but I'm getting better at it, like after working with you and like working with you know therapy and whatever, like I am getting better at it, but I do tend to hold onto things a little bit longer and I'm not as quick of a processor as like the 24 hours or four hours or whatever.
Meenu :Right, right, right. So I think and I want to be more transparent, right it also depends on what it is that I'm processing. So there are some things which I'm just like I'm over it, whatever, like I'm next day, I'm fine, and some people are taking months and years, right. But there are some things which I take a little longer to. I'll be like, okay, this is, and then I, this is where acceptance comes in, right, I accept that this program or this will not be over quickly for me. I accept that this will take some time.
Johnnna:And that's the key, is the acceptance that's the key.
Meenu :Yes, because when you're saying I have to get over it, I have to get over it. That's also control that's also control.
Johnnna:Yeah, it's so funny because the thing that's popping up into my mind is this song by chris brown that I love and it's called survive the night and like one of the verses is um, now I'm gonna forget it, obviously, but it says oh, it says, who gets? Who told you that you get to decide how I'm feeling inside? I'm effing over it, like, and I that just kept replaying over in my head when you were talking and I was like this, like maybe that's what that song is about like who, who told you that you get to decide how I'm feeling inside?
Meenu :I think that's where and this is such an important topic, guys, and even Jonna, you can agree with me on this, you will. It's like tell yourself when you tell yourself, this is how it has to go yeah you're already like you're screwed.
Meenu :I don't care how proficient you are, how great you are, how you know amazing you are. Like that itself is is such a high expectation and what that leads to yes, it also leads to drive and ambition. Yes, so there's positive aspects to that, for sure. I'm not saying not. But there is also. The greater the reward, the greater the disappointment too. So if you're okay with that, you do you. I'm always a coach that will be like you do you if you're okay with the consequences.
Johnnna:And we can use me as an example for that. Like I think I'm very ambitious, I think I have a lot of drive, but I also have a lot of control. And that works wonderful in my professional life but it does not work wonderful in my romantic life, because I have these expectations of how this romantic situation should go and then I try to control it, and then I control it right on out the door Like bye, that control just ran that guy right on off that control just ran that guy right on off you know I have to disagree with you.
Meenu :I mean, I really do feel like you have done tremendously better. Yeah 100.
Johnnna:I'm talking about, like before, like before like. I'm talking about, like, like you know, previous relationships where I've tried to like make it work. So bad like, because I was just like it.
Meenu :Just this just needs to work right, right, and I feel like that is such a disappointment. That's like setting up for disappointment, right? So the best reframe for that, the solution. So now you guys are listening to it for 40 plus minutes. So what's the solution? What's the solution? The solution is have expectations. That's not a problem. But check in with yourself and ask yourself does it feel, does it feel safe to have these expectations? Does it feel good for me to have these expectations? If the expectations don't go in a way that I wanted to, how am I going to navigate through that? Right, my approach is very different. I'm going to tell you my approach. Feel free to use it if you want. My approaches have very little expectations, very little expectations, but my intention is to show up for it. My intention is to take inspired action. My intention is to, you know, be authentic in my energy and, you know, put on the best, put on the best footprint. Like that is my intention.
Johnnna:And so what I'm hearing from you, just list like listening and not being a coach is like obviously know the difference between intention and expectation.
Meenu :Yes, Know the difference in yourself. Know the difference in yourself, like so. Another example that I want to give you is like, like so. Another example that I want to give you is like. I met a new friend a few weeks ago and, um, you know, they had reached out to me, they had posted in a group and they were like, do you want to have coffee? And and you know, and this other friend was like, pumping me up and she was like, oh my god, it seems so amazing. I think you're gonna have a great time, it's gonna be great, and all these things. And I said you know what? I don't know, and I like to stay there.
Meenu :I like to say that I don't know if this interaction, you know, is going to be great. I don't know, but you know what? I'm open, I'm very open to meeting with this person. I'm very open to seeing how this interaction goes. I'm very open and I'm going to be nice. I'm going to dress up and I'm going to feel great. So that what it does is it tells me that my intentions and how I show up is still very much within my control. But how the event turns out, how the friendship turns out, how the conversations turn out it's not my in my control, and that's good, because you know I don't have that weight of the expectations. That damn it. It didn't go in a way that I wanted to. I wasted two hours of my life damn it. You know like I'm not.
Johnnna:And I like that, that you said that, because you still have, you're still being true to yourself, because, like, if you're a control person, like you're still being able to control the controllables, but you're letting go of the stuff that you can't control. That's exactly right.
Meenu :That's exactly right. So, without giving too much details for the house stuff, I think you're doing that, you know. I think you're doing that, you know. I think you're doing your part, like, whatever you have to do, you are calling the people, you're meeting the people, you're talking to the people. You're doing it, but what happens outside of that is you have to leave it.
Johnnna:You just leave it and just live my life.
Meenu :Yeah, leave it and live your life, because, at the end of the day, the bigger picture, sometimes all we need is a zoom out. You know, I needed it today because the energy is so chaotic today, god. But I needed a zoom out and be like is my entire life ruined? No, no, no, you know what I mean. Like, yeah, so here, I still have my body, I still have my energy, my intelligence, my friends, my people, my health, my family. I still have so much. It is not the end of the world. And just because one aspect of your life doesn't go in a way that you intended it to, what happens to our survival brain? Survival brain kicks in and it says everything has gone to shit, it's miserable, everything is bad, everything, everything sucks. But I want you to pause there. This is why I say self-work, inner work is the one thing that will save you every day is pause, meditate and ask is that really true? Is is everything bad?
Johnnna:no, right, no, so I'm gonna ask you menu. Yeah, can you truly make lemonade out of lemons, full circle moment full circle moment.
Meenu :Yes, one thousand percent you can. But I think in order to make it you have to have the right mindset to make it right. It's like if you say, oh my god, it's lemons, I don't know what to do with it, my life stinks and sucks and I'm trapped and stuck. Then you are stuck and trapped With lemons.
Meenu :Yeah, with the lemons exactly. But if you're saying you know, I got all these lemons, god, I can make a pie, I can make a cake, I can make lemonades, I can, I can do all this. It's too much, I didn't ask for it, but it's here. So, metaphorically, what that means is when life throws shit at you, like, whatever it is, whatever you're going through relationship, work, whatever it is the greatest thing that I've ever done for myself and I keep doing it, and it's a business arrangement, whether it's a podcast, collaboration, whether it's a client or an unaligned client that came to me and it was not a good fit. Like, what did I learn from it? What can I do differently? How can I show up differently? I think if we can do that, we're actually always winning.
Johnnna:Yeah, and it kind of goes beyond like supernatural. Like if y'all don't believe in this, that's fine, just fast forward it past this part. But like we still, it's kind of funny. We think we're in control of the situation, but really the you know, like whoever you believe in god, the universe, whatever is really in control. So when you have that unaligned client or you have those things enter your life that you're just like what the hell? I didn't control this, I'm not controlling it because you're not really in control in the beginning. Like you said at the beginning of this podcast, we're not really in control.
Meenu :And it's really scary guys, like I understand, like if you're listening and you're like what do you mean? Give up control? Like I'm not asking you to give up control, I'm asking you to. You know, own your power, set intentions in what you want to do and take inspired action, which is still control, if you want to call it that. But I want you to do your part.
Johnnna:That's all you can do, that's all you can do and leave the rest to the rest, like just only do what you can do and stop controlling other people and aspects around the situation.
Meenu :Yes, yes and I love, oh, my God. We talked about so much we always do that. Yeah, I think this was great. J jonna, thank you so much for like being on board. I literally like before we recorded this, I was like jonna.
Johnnna:I have a very interesting title for this episode I know and she well, when you brought this topic to me, you were like I really want to talk about this, I need your help. And I was like girl, you're driving the bus on this one. I was like because there's no way to research this, because everyone has an opinion, because this is more of an opinion based podcast, kind of like, because some people are going to listen to this and go what? No, that's not how I live my life. My life has been great. I've controlled everything. I've controlled every aspect. I have the best of the best. I have everything I want.
Meenu :I really would like to talk to that person, because I don't know a single person in the entirety of my existence that I have known. That said, I have controlled everything and it turned out exactly the way I controlled it. No false.
Johnnna:It's called delusion, but anyways it doesn't exist.
Meenu :I understand planning, you know. I understand planners like they have a certain amount of control that they bring into the picture, but that's also intention and inspired action. Like they have a certain amount of control that they bring into the picture, but that's also intention and inspired action, you know. So I think by doing that we can always win. We can always win If we can take and have intentions, take inspired action when things fuck up, when things don't go our way. We learn our lessons. We ask what are we learning? How?
Johnnna:are we learning? How are we growing? Know the difference between expectation and intention?
Meenu :Exactly. I think we can always win and on that note, we are going to let you guys go. If you enjoy our collaboration, if you like our podcast, please go and leave us a review. You can leave it under Babbel's Nonsense. Leave a rating for her review for her, leave a rating and a review for me and transcend into wellness and on that note, we will catch you guys more in future episodes. Thank you so much for tuning in.
Johnnna:Yeah, guys, thank you, bye, Thank you.
