Babbles Nonsense
Welcome to my verbal diary where I want to discuss any and all things that is essentially on my mind or have wondered about. Sometimes I will be solo and then other times I will have some amazing guests to bring all different perspectives in life. The ultimate goal is to hopefully bring some joy, laughter, inspiration, education, and just maybe a little bit of entertainment. Don't forget to like, rate, and share the podcast with a friend!
Babbles Nonsense
The Hidden Pitfalls of Social Media Relationship Advice: Navigating Influence with Integrity w/ Meenu
#164: Have you ever wondered how social media influencers shape your views on relationships, even when their advice seems empowering at first? Join Meenu and me on Babbles Nonsense as we explore the deceptive allure of popular influencers like Ace Metaphor and Jake Woodard. Our personal experiences reveal how their advice often boosts egos rather than providing genuine healing, reinforcing insecurities and skewed gender roles. We share our journey from consuming this superficial content to seeking real personal growth, highlighting the importance of clear communication and self-awareness in overcoming unspoken expectations and resentment in relationships.
Discover how to discern authenticity in influencers and avoid the traps of manipulation and pressure tactics. We delve into the communication dynamics between men and women, emphasizing the necessity of expressing expectations plainly rather than assuming mind-reading abilities. While shedding light on the inconsistency and lack of integrity among some influencers, we stress the need for a conscious approach to content consumption. Sharing anecdotes, we illustrate how blindly following influencer advice can hinder personal growth, and underscore the importance of maintaining integrity in one’s journey toward self-awareness.
Examining the emotional impact of social media, we discuss the challenges of navigating infidelity, societal norms, and cultural differences in relationships. The episode serves as a guide to recognizing red flags in influencer behavior and encourages aligning oneself with values and advice that resonate personally. We invite listeners to reflect on the advice they receive from both influencers and friends, fostering a path toward authenticity and meaningful connections. Reclaim the power of your personal growth by questioning the validity of online advice and aligning with voices that truly support your relationship journey.
Find Meenu here: https://www.instagram.com/transcendencebymeenu/
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What is up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast where me and Meenu are back collaborating again. We're kind of piggybacking off of the previous episode where she talked about toxic relationships, because it just made us both think about kind of how we've fed our ego by following different influencers or people giving relationships online and in social media and we just wanted to kind of talk about why people go to social media for advice and is that really good, is it not? So if you're interested and you want to find out, this is definitely the episode for you to listen to.
Johnna:All right, guys, welcome back to another episode of the babbles nonsense podcast with the collab with me from trendscend Into Wellness. We did an episode last week where we went over like kind of how to pinpoint toxicity in relationships, so this week we wanted to kind of you know, piggyback off of that and talk about a couple of other situations we have both ran into where we maybe scroll social media and we find dating advice from whether it be men or women, but for whatever reason on our examples hurt we're they're both men and we kind of just, yeah, we just kind of wanted to talk about like taking it easy with the advice.
Johnna:You find, um, and I can go ahead and start this off and say like, like I did a podcast, probably a year ago, maybe a year and a half ago, where I was going through it with a guy dated probably a year and a half ago actually two years ago, yeah, two years ago and I was going through it with a guy that I was back and forth with, and so I ran across this guy on social media, ace Metaphor, which, if you know anything, y'all know I did a whole whole podcast episode, like, played some of his clips and I was like, wow, his advice is really good. Um, this was probably before I did any sessions with you, because I would have talked to you about it.
Meenu :Yes, we had an event yeah yeah so I played it.
Johnna:I like was like, yeah, like this is what I'm taking from it and like, for me, like it was more of a like, looking back at it, the advice that he was giving wasn't that. It wasn't like didn't sound good because it sounded wonderful and he's got like over a million followers and all this other stuff. But like now that I've done sessions with you and I've healed and I'm, you know, no longer in that toxic situation, it's more, when I look back and after we were talking about doing this podcast, it was like it was more of a rah-rah cheerleader type situation, like it wasn't any kind of therapy, it wasn't healing me, it wasn't. It wasn't anything different than a friend wouldn't just be sitting there telling you like screw him, you're better than that, you're beautiful, you know.
Meenu :I totally get it. I totally, and you know it's so interesting because, like and I used to be like this too Like, I used to follow this influencer, jake Woodard, for a very long time because his content was actually relatable to my low self-worth that I used to have. I used to have very low self-worth and I used to be a chronic people pleaser and I just you, you know, I just wanted everybody to like me and you know things like that. So his content validated my own insecurities that I had within myself, and it also validated at that time that men are trash and if a man is not masculine, he's not good enough.
Meenu :A man has to be like this. He has not good enough. A man has to be like this, he has to show up like this, he has to speak like this, he has to address things like this. If he doesn't do all of the things by the book that Jake Woodard has, he is not healthy for you. Women deserve better. You're a woman, you're gorgeous. You deserve so much better. Basically, content which strokes your ego but actually doesn't feed your soul. He's not really fixing the problem, right, right, it's choking your ego so he can take money from you.
Johnna:Right, and that's what's funny, because, like you hadn't heard of Ace Metaphor, I hadn't heard of Jake Woodard before we had talked about this podcast. So I looked up your guy, you looked up my guys and then you were an immediate like, no like, why, why, why would you listen to this? And then I was immediately like, okay, well, I could see, like I can see why people listen. Like it comes across very like, oh, wow, this sounds amazing. This is what I want to hear. Right, like you said, the ego.
Johnna:And when I started watching your guys videos and just kind of scrolling through as many as I could, it was very contradictory.
Johnna:If you watch them kind of a lot and you have done some work with a coach, because he would, he would say something in his video like men, um, you know, because he directs them towards men and women. So he would be like in one video he would be like so, men, like you know, if you want your woman to be more feminine in her feminine energy, you have to do masculine things. And then he would list off like the masculine things that men should do, right, like as if those are the only masculine things, exactly, and then you would have two days later a video where he would be speaking to women saying women men don't like women in their masculine energy. So you need to start being in your feminine energy and these are the things you need to do to be in your feminine energy. Okay, well, now that I know what I know from you, from coaching with you, it's okay. There's got to be a balance of both feminine and masculine energy and you have to give it to each other at different points, when it's needed.
Meenu :Exactly and you the. The thing here is like directing and saying that if it's not all the things that I list that he has to be, or if if it's not all the things that I list that a woman has to be, then you're not in your feminine and you're not you're going to attract. You know you're going to attract a feminine man, so you have to be in your feminine to attract a masculine man. But actually, in the reality of relationships I've actually coached individual people. I've coached individual, individual men and women, specifically relationship coaching, and I have coached couples multiple times on these things. Is that being masculine and feminine? It's on and off and it depends on the roles you take in the relationship and it can keep changing and it can keep growing. It's not that, oh, I have to be masculine so I have to do all these things. Oh, I have to be feminine so I have to do all these things. It doesn't work like that. That's not sustainable. Look around you and see if anybody is doing that, because they're not doing that. But the thing that he preaches is he's saying if it's not like that, if it's not according to those guidelines that I say, then it's not good enough. So what it's doing to women subconsciously?
Meenu :Because I date, I mean I sorry, I coach a lot of women who have this unrealistic standards, and guys I I'm just putting a disclaimer here I love women. Women are amazing. I have no hate for women. I actually coach more women than men. Okay, but as my as a coach, it is my job to also call them out when they are being unrealistic. So there was this woman that was like telling me oh, I want my man to be this, this, this, this, this, this. If he doesn't fulfill all these things, then I'm not going to give him a chance to take me out on a date. And I was like but you like him, you're attracted to him. You told me that where did you get information from? And she goes oh yeah, I follow this coach called Jake Woodard and I like you know what I mean.
Meenu :So that is when I found out that it started limiting people. It's not expanding, it's not helping you grow, it's limiting. So I was. And then I was like does that do you relate to it? Like before you watched his videos, did you have those similar values and preferences in a relationship? And she was like no. I said, well, I really need you to stop consuming content and his content and I need you to detach from dating for a little while and sit and think about what is it that you want, right?
Johnna:not what any influencer is telling you to feed your ego and I have have two parts of that, so I hope I can remember them. My first part is going to be that I also do not hate women. I, you know, I I used to say I'm not a feminist, but then when I talked to my friends, they're like no, you are. You're just not out here in the streets with, you know, shirts saying that you're a feminist. You still care. But I do feel like sometimes we as women do not listen when it comes to what a man's needs are.
Johnna:sometimes and I say that because let's first, let's just I'll give an example. So if you're in a relationship and a man's trying to do his best because we know that men and women communicate differently and if a man's trying to do his best and you know that men and women communicate differently and if a man's trying to do his best and you want him to communicate with you and you want him to tell you more things, and that one moment that he comes to you and you're you're tired from work, you're putting the kids up, and that one time that he has gotten brave and he has decided to be vulnerable, you say not, now, I don't want to hear it, and you shut it down. And then the next time you go to him and you're like well, why can't you just talk to me? And he's like I tried, yeah. So there's instances like that.
Johnna:Or women are really bad about thinking men can read our minds Like you'll all, you'll do everything, but say can you just go clean the dishes out of the sink? We'll be like God, I'm so tired, god, I've got to do this. And you're saying all that with the intention of him going oh, you're tired, okay, I'll go. I'll go finish the stuff that you got. No, men, don't think like that.
Meenu :That's so true. I'm so glad you pointed it out, because, women, I'm so sorry to call it out, but it's manipulation, you're not being honest, you're not being an integrity. My one of my closest friends used to do that. She would just be like, oh, I'll do it, like she for her. She had like so much people pleasing, went to step it up and say no when she was exhausted. So she'll be like oh, I'll do that, I'll cook the meal for the kids, I'll do this, I'll clean this, all that. And he would come to me and complain and then be bitter, saying he's not helping out. And I said, well, have you asked him for help? And she's like, yeah, I asked him, like so many years ago, no, no, no, no, no. Yesterday, when this happened, did you say you were actually exhausted, did you ask him for help? And she goes no, he should know that. I said this is very toxic.
Johnna:Well, and to say to that, like we also, I'm guilty of this. I'm particular about my cleaning. So if someone comes in and they're like I'll clean up for you, I'm like no, I got it, it's fine. But, then I can't be mad about it later Because I said, no, I got it Exactly.
Johnna:You know, and so the second thing I wanted to say to that was like I went down this deep dive with ace metaphor because I was kind of embarrassed that I had put, like, this whole episode on my podcast. I was like I'm not embarrassed. Content changes. Your feelings change. We're all different. My opinion from what we're talking about today may be different in two years, but I went down this whole rabbit hole because, like what he's going through in in the media right now, apparently he's being quote unquote, exposed by one of the people that were on his podcast and on his like tonight's conversation stuff.
Johnna:Her name is Keita Rose and she's known to be bipolar. She talks about it. She I can't. I wish I could think about what her podcast was called. It's something educated and unmedicated or something like that. It's really funny than, oh, educated and unmedicated or something like that. It's really funny. Um, but she talks about how.
Johnna:You know why do you think that he's able to give the advice that he gives? Because he, his whole identity around this was I was a former bad boy turned good boy, and I'm going to give you the playbook. That's what his, I guess, tagline would be I, he. I'm not going to say that's his tagline, because I'm I'm just saying that's what he would. That's his whole spiel. So she's like no, no, no, no, no, you're still doing that. I'm out with you at these shows. Like you're still talking to women. How you tell, how you tell women not to be talked to. You're still playing women, how you tell women not to be played because you're literally feeding into them. And somehow it's working for him to get women. I guess because women think that he is the man that he's saying to look for.
Meenu :Yeah, exactly, that's what you think, right? I think I think you have to be really smart and know that just because they're influencers and they have a lot of money and they have a lot of followers, like please don't put anybody on a pedestal. Like even me. Like, if you're following me, don't put me on a pedestal because I may say something that may totally contradict your values. Then unfollow me. Like, don't follow my advice. Like be in integrity with your values, right. And you know what people do is, when we're vulnerable, when we're looking for help and somebody says something to feed our ego, we immediately start looking up to them and we think you know they have better advice. They should know better, right? No, if you do the inner work and you're an integrity, you will probably have better advice for yourself.
Johnna:Right.
Meenu :That these people are not walking the walk, they're just talking the talk, right?
Johnna:So this, you you know this brings me to consume your content consciously right, and so I I'll put down this whole deep dive on tiktok, because I love to use tiktok for research, just because it's easy to find something, and you know. And so like there's all these men talking about like how women are crazy to sit here and listen to ace metaphor, and like one was like you know how men knew that that ace metaphor all he was doing, he wasn't giving advice, he was just pandering to women and I was like how did I not see it?
Meenu :yeah, because you were vulnerable. You wanted help at that time, you know. So I think it just caught you at that time. It's like the right person at the right time. You know what I mean.
Johnna:It's like right but still at the right time. You know what I mean it's like, but still at the same time. Like anything else that I do, I typically try to look up them elsewhere.
Meenu :And.
Johnna:I didn't for some reason with him and so like now that I'm on Tik TOK and maybe it's just being more exposed now because of the whole key to Rose ace metaphor thing, but I was just like this is so interesting. So if you're, if y'all are interested in this, like the whole thing is interesting. Um, and me and my friends that used to share his videos back and forth because we were all three going through like toxic I don't want to say breakup, because it wasn't really a relationship, but like an ending of a toxic situation ship, I guess. So we would always send his videos back and forth and be like, yeah, oh, my god, that's so true, it was just like a raw, raw cheerleader moment. And then it's like, oh my gosh, how embarrassing.
Meenu :Like you, know, and you know it's so interesting because, like when you started working on your self-worth and you started working on your confidence and your identity, and then you watch these videos and then you're just not impressed right, right, it's crazy, but I mean like, and that's the thing, and like I think in one of the TikTok videos this one man was like women, what credentials does he have to be giving you relationship advice?
Johnna:and I was like, oh my god, I should know better. Like it would almost be the same as if you came to me and said hey, jonna, I went down the street to this person who said she knew about thyroid disease. And I'd be like, okay, well, what were their credentials like? Is she an MD thyroid disease? And I'd be like, okay, what were their credentials Like? Is she an MD, do, mp? You'd be like, oh, no, no, no, she's just a stranger down the street. Like, logically, when someone says it like that, you're like what the?
Meenu :hell Exactly, and that's what I'm trying to say to you guys. It's like credentials is one thing and the second thing is experience. Like, for example, if I'm a recovering alcoholic I'm not just FYI, I don't drink, I don't drink at all these days but, yeah, if I'm a recovering alcoholic and I want advice and guidance, I'm going to go to somebody that is a recovered alcoholic and has done the work and knows how to stay a recovered alcoholic. I'm not going to go to a person who has not had a drop of alcohol period, because you don't know what it's like, you don't know how it feels, you don't understand the journey, you can't empathize.
Meenu :Like, for example, I talk about emotional wellness and I'm an emotional mastery life coach because that is what I do all day, every day, and I've had low self-worth, I've had people pleasing, I've had countless amounts of traumas and I have actually healed from all of those and I continue to do the work and I am very good at emotional mastery. Like, I am good at regulating my emotions and I help to do that with my clients because I have walked the walk. I'm not trying to toot my horn, but that is who you should be following. That is who you should be working with. That is, who like see if they're actually walking the walk, if you're following an influencer and they're preaching and stroking your ego, look into it.
Johnna:But it's crazy when we think about like that, like you would think it would be so simple, but when it comes to mental health, I think that when we're feeling low or feeling down or feeling a certain way, we want to hold on and grab on to anything that makes us feel better. So it doesn't really matter where the advice is coming from, as long as it's feeding that ego and making us feel better. But when I think about it logically, like me being in health care, if I broke my arm, I'm not going to go to a cardiologist, I'm going to go to an orthopedic.
Meenu :Exactly.
Johnna:So when I think about it like that, like literally this just hit me just now in this podcast Like I was like that example. I was like what an idiot Jonna.
Johnna:But I think it is because mental health is like we don't talk about it. We don't sometimes, we're shamed by it, sometimes we don't know who to reach out to. So we go to social media number one because it's already a dopamine hit anyways. And then, when you follow these influencers like Jake Wood or Ace Metaphor, your algorithm is going to get more of that, more advice, advice, more of that where it's telling you what you want to hear yeah, you are, and you know what's so interesting nobody like.
Meenu :I used to send like jake woodard's videos to my girlfriends. Nobody caught it. The one person that actually caught it was a male friend and he was like huh. I was like, okay, that's a very interesting reaction, do you have anything to say? And then he was like do you notice how he says he's helping women, he's helping men step into their masculinity, but all his followers are women. Look at all his comments. It's women. I don't see a man commenting on his. I'm like, oh my god, I cannot believe.
Johnna:I I didn't catch that when I would send like ace metaphor stuff to like my guy friends like to be like, see, you guys are eating, and they would be like, um, I don't, okay, I don't like this dude. I would be like that's just because you don't want to hear the truth.
Meenu :Oh my god, you know, and that's the thing guys, it's like hashtag embarrassing.
Meenu :It is embarrassing for all of us. I'm sure all of us have done that and it's it's like when we are vulnerable. That is when we actually have to be more careful. And if you are taking somebody's advice, you like somebody. This is just. This is my free advice. Take it or or leave it.
Meenu :Don't put them on a pedestal. Right, they're not perfect. Maybe you're able to relate to one of their videos, one of their things, one of their quotes cool. That doesn't mean they are the leader for you in all aspects of life. That doesn't mean you have to walk their walk like no, no, no. Just take the advice If it applies to you, follow that advice, but be in integrity and check in with your values to see if that aligns with your values. Because let me tell you, with this Jake Woodard situation where he says men have to be like this, women have to be like this, I have seen a completely different dynamic where I mean, I've coached couples and I've coached a woman that is very masculine. You know she actually is the breadwinner of the family and the her husband takes care of her three children, and trust me when I say I know that they have a very happy marriage Right, right, healthy, happy marriage and that works for them and we've always been taught.
Johnna:If you ever hear someone say never or always, run, because it's not never or always, there's going to be intricacies, there's going to be differences, there's going to be that one. I know for myself, like with my health and my thyroid. It did not fit the mold and it took multiple doctors looking at me to finally figure out what was going on with my thyroid, because I wasn't textbook.
Meenu :That's so true. And what you said, it's very like black and white thinking. It's saying it's it's either this or it's nothing. Whenever anybody says that they're just trying really hard to like manipulate you into almost convincing you that their way is the right way, and that is a very big red flag for me. Yeah, it's a very big red flag. Like for it's like me saying there's only big red flag. Like for it's like me saying there's only one way to meditate. Or it's like me saying there's only one way to regulate. Um, no, there's thousands of ways to regulate. You know, what I do works for me. That doesn't mean it's the only way right you know.
Meenu :So anybody that says that they're just, they want to make money guys well, but also like, what tools are they giving you to change?
Johnna:yeah, other than content that they don't. They're not giving you any tools, like they're not saying hey, follow my link, like here, like pay, well, he, he actually does. He's like you, seriously, 30 minute phone call with him it's $500. I think something. I don't want to like misquote, but I'm pretty sure.
Meenu :Yeah, and and and. Yeah, it's like for him to preach something which, um, he doesn't believe him, you know it's it's something that he's not doing and he's not even following that. He's not even walking the walk and he's, you know, preaching people. So you know it's something that he's not doing and he's not even following that. He's not even walking the walk and he's, you know, preaching people.
Johnna:So you know, when it comes to influencers, I think he lowered his prices so I just looked because I wanted to fact check myself. A 30 minute coaching phone call with him is $200, which wanted, which I know it's like a marketing scheme, but it's 199 97. It's $200.
Meenu :That is a marketing scheme and again I can't. I can't speak about that because people can charge whatever they want, but for me what I'm saying like he's you're, you have, you have like certifications.
Johnna:This man doesn't. This man is just a former bad boy turned good quote unquote.
Meenu :Yeah, and he's not even following, he's not even practicing what he speaks. He's not, he's just preaching it, but he's not walking it Right. That puts him in a very like inauthentic place, and I think that's where guys especially women, you know, because we are more in tune with our emotions, we're more sensitive, we feel things more deeply, we're more, you know, in touch with our vulnerability and all these things. When somebody says something relatable, we just like, catch on, we just catch on, we believe it. All we are telling you in this episode is to like filter who you're following, consume content more responsibly, because that is our job.
Meenu :We can do that, you know, and some of the most red flags that I've seen with influencers, which I really want to talk about so that you can, what you can take away from this podcast, is anytime they're overusing things like oh, you need this course. If you don't get this course, this is what's going to happen to you. If you don't do this program, this is what's going to happen to you Anytime they put that sense of scarcity in your mind, run run, because they don't believe in their own product. Right, they don't believe in their own product. Like when I'm talking to my clients I will say I do have limited spots available, because I do have limited spots available. But I'll always say if you can work with me this month, call me next month what we can do. I'm never going to say, oh, if you don't with me this month, call me next month what we can do. I'm never gonna say, oh, if you don't hire me now, you're doomed or you're gonna be like this you're gonna spiral.
Johnna:If you don't get my course, you're gonna like that is actually I had a coach do that to me right before I decided to work with you, like she was calling me, texting me all the time saying have you made your decision yet? Have you made your decision yet? If you like, if you do not make your decision, like, I'm going to be booked out for the next eight months.
Meenu :Now that you say that like no, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, I'm glad you, glad you could see through that well, it's just to me, I don't number one, I don't like to be like what's the word?
Johnna:like pressured I guess. Like it's kind of like when I walk into the store buckle and there's like five people, cashiers, that are like hey, can I help you? Can I help you? Can I help you? Do you want to try on a pair of jeans? And I'm like I gotta go.
Meenu :And actually what works for me it's so funny, guys. It's like what works for me is when I go into a store and they come to me and they say, hey, I'm going to be around, if you have questions, you come to me. I immediately feel like a sense of ease and like not over me, there's no sense of pressure. It's amazing. And then the second thing that I want to talk about is like when they're always like trying to sell something but they're not showing proof of how the product is going to work. They're not showing proof of how the product is going to work. They're not showing proof of how it worked for them, the transformation that they had. They're not showing you anything. They're just talking about your pain points and they're trying to sell you that shit. So that is another very big red flag.
Meenu :And then the other one that I've seen is contradicting themselves, which Jonna pointed out, which Jake Woodard has done a few times and a few other influencers have done. They'll say something in one video and then you scroll and you see something else. They would have, it's told they would have contradicted themselves so many times throughout. That, to me, tells me you're speaking something that's getting views to like make your content blow up on the internet, but you're not being an integrity. My mom always said this, which which always sits with me. She'll say if you speak the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Johnna:Hey, that's good, I like that. Yeah, that's good.
Meenu :You don't have to remember anything.
Johnna:I like that Well, I mean, it's no different than when my aunt tells me all the time just argue with facts. Who can fight facts? Yeah, who can fight the truth? Like, if you state your truth, people, people can't argue the truth and facts they really can't. You can argue emotion, you can argue feelings, but you can't really sit there and argue back and forth when it's just factual. Like like menu is sitting here with a podcast on february 10th wearing a green shirt. What do you argue that back? No, I'm not. This is, this is this is with another color for green, evergreen. This is not green, like you know. Like you know what.
Meenu :I'm saying yeah, no, I totally like, agree with that. So it's like for and I had this experience right. I was working with a business coach who wanted me to change my language. She wanted me to change the way I was speaking and my captions and I, honestly, guys, I tried it for a week and and then I hated it Because it felt like I was being someone else. It's inauthentic, it's inauthentic. And I told her. I said I don't think this is going to work because there's a huge trust factor for me with my clients and there's a huge percentage of repeat clients that I get because they trust me and they love me, because I am who I am. Like I swear, I curse, I'm very brutal in my sessions, I'm very straightforward, I'm not for the faint of heart journals.
Johnna:Hey, I like it. It's the perfect personality for me.
Meenu :You know. So it's like I can't be someone else. So what's happening here in this age is I understand that they have bills to pay, I understand that they're trying to make money, but the inauthenticity, it's, it's. It's causing a bigger divide, it's causing even more mistrust with with what's out there right.
Meenu :So more confusion in the dating world, where we don't need more confusion there's already enough tension between men and women right now due to all these random ass people giving advice on the internet without qualification, without proof, without, without enough information, without compassion, you know, because every situation is different. I'll give you another example here. Like one of my close friends, like she wanted, like this idea that she had of a masculine man man because that was like very attractive to her. But then when she started dating her person because she really liked him, she found out that he had more feminine characteristics. So you know, it's so beautiful because they've been dating for almost like five years now and I can see that they've both evolved so much and he's naturally stepped so much into his masculinity and she stepped into his femininity because they grew together and they built the relationship together.
Meenu :It is not something you check off in the box, it's not something you you know you it's. It doesn't work like that. Sometimes, when you start something, it may not be so perfect. You build on it, you grow with it.
Johnna:Right? No, I agree, because I think that's what we're taught as women. Six feet tall, got to be tan, got to be handsome. You know these checkboxes. They got to be financially sound. They got to. You know what, if you, as the woman, make more money, why do they have to be financially sound? If you're, if you're financially sound and you can take care of both of you, why does that matter? Because society says it matters.
Meenu :I think that's where you know. I think we keep talking about this, which is like individual values, like find out what individually works for you and what your individual values are. And I'm gonna be very honest and just this even your best friends might be giving you some toxic advice. They might be like, oh, he ain't good enough for you or oh, not good enough for you. No, don't listen to people. Don't listen to anyone. Sit with yourself and identify your core values, like trust me, I have had some toxic advice from some of my friends. Love them to death, but I've had some toxic advice from them.
Johnna:A lot of the ones that you'll hear the most is you're too pretty for him or like she's not good looking enough for you. Like she's not, you know, you hear that one a lot.
Meenu :Yeah, and I hate that. Yeah, so superficial Again, guys like don't come at me and be like oh so you're telling me not to date a good, good looking man? Sure, if that's your value, go for it.
Meenu :If that's in your fundamental core value, go for it but, also, what's good looking to me may not be good looking to you, because beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Like, completely, fully, fully agree, like you know what I mean. So it's like I think it's very, very important to be in integrity. It's very important to identify your own values, your truth, what you find attractive. And another thing that I would like to add that I want to say is like whatever happened in sickness and in health, whatever happened to that these days, because I'll tell you this in my personal opinion, since you've been in a relationship for a while.
Johnna:I truly believe that dating apps this wrong dating advice that we turn to versus healing ourselves. Social media there's too much availability and I think that people have quickly forgotten that the grass isn't always greener and I think that it's easier to just be like. You know what you're getting on my nerves. I'll just go on this app over here and start swiping again.
Johnna:And we've had that experiences right Like married men, people that are committed in committed relationships, oh yeah, I've had married men definitely slide into my DMs before, which is ridiculous, like ridiculous, and it just really infuriates me because I'm just like what is it that you even think that this is that I'm okay with this first of all? So you're to me that's just thinking negatively about me, which I know it's not. I know I'm taking it too personal, because they're going to be in the next person's dm. It's just whoever's going to say yes right.
Meenu :Nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them but secondly, it's just disgusting, like it.
Johnna:And then it literally makes me lose all faith in men because I'm like so you want a good man. You see that they're portraying this quote-unquote perfect family on their social medias, but meanwhile you know it's really up, because they're in the end and it's just like embarrassing, not for me, for them.
Johnna:And then I had a girl one time and it really kind of upset me. She was like, well, what are you doing to make them think it's okay to talk to you? And I was like, excuse me, like number one, I don't know these, some of these people I don't know. They're trying to friend me on social media. I'm doing nothing, I'm posting pictures with my friends. Yeah, like, I'm sorry, like, why is it like? And that was it just made me think about how, when people are like, when like, for instance, if a man cheats on a girl, sometimes that other girl, the girl is like goes after the other girl but doesn't even punish the man that cheated.
Johnna:That it's like that's the kind of yeah, that's the kind of feeling that I got when she said that I was just kind of like what, yeah?
Meenu :yeah, that's wild to me. That's that's wild to me and I do feel like you know. There's like, for example, I don't want to bring my culture into this. I mean, I am Indian, like, born and raised. So when I came to America I had a shock that there was 50% more. Is it 50% divorce?
Johnna:rates. It's high. I don't know what it is, but it's high.
Meenu :And in India it's less than 1%. Again, I'm not saying that's good. I don't think you should stay somewhere where it's abusive or toxic for you. That is not what I'm saying, but what we were thought it's to actually fix the bulb instead of replacing the bulb. Yeah, because people just it's disposable. Yeah, fix. Like what I saw with my parents is, even when they had conflict, even when they had difference of opinions, they would talk about it, they would fix it. My dad didn't go and get another mom or another woman and my mom didn't cheat on him and you know not what I saw. So for me, it's like when I came here and I saw that there's so many options, I found out that maybe that is the issue, you know, maybe that's the problem, like there's options and there's also like lack of redefining your core values or not what your core values are like just going, but like my core value is that I do want a committed relationship.
Johnna:So when that girl said that to me, it just really hurt my feelings a lot because, like I actually like this is really. People are going to probably say this is wrong with me, but when I found out my sister had had an affair with a married man, I called his wife and told her like I was very young, I was like 16 years old, but I was like you know what? I don't stand for this, yeah, yeah, but like. So I think when she just said that to me, it just really hurt my feelings because that is something I'm very against right, right, and I think that's also something we need to realize.
Meenu :Right? It's like influencers, people, whoever, whatever they say your best friends giving you advice. Everything is a projection. It has nothing, 99% of the time, it has nothing to do with you. It is a projection of where they're at and what they believe. Yeah, I agree, that's why it's so important. When you are, if you're having dating issues, if you're having relationship issues, you don't know how to make a choice. Please stop asking your friends for advice. I am sorry. I love my friends. If any of my friends, if you're listening to this, you know I love you. It's nothing against you. Guys, guys, I just believe that if I'm a friend, if somebody's coming to me and asking for advice, I will ask them. Now, what I've started doing right now, these days, is do you want me to give you advice as a professional or do you want me to give you advice as a friend? Yeah, yeah, because it'll be different. It's going to be different, right? Because as a friend, I'm more protective of you and you know I care about you more than the other person, whoever that is.
Meenu :So I'm going to protect you because I'm actually a very protective person yeah but, as a coach, I'm going to give you professional advice and I don't care about hurting your feelings. I'm going to tell you what's right in the long term right, I agree, I agree, I agree.
Meenu :You know. So it's like. This is where I think once again I know we touched on this in the previous episode which is do the work, find out who you are, find out your triggers, find out your wounds, so that you're not influenced by influencers. You're not, you know, sucked in by the collective, sucked in by what men are saying, what women are saying on the internet, just because they're viral, just because they have a million followers, doesn't mean you have to put them on a pedestal. Learn how to consume consciously. Check for proof to see if they're authentic yeah, then check with yourself to see if your values aligns with them before you buy their product or buy their service. And then look for urgency. They're saying, oh, do this by this timeline, or you'll never get it, or, you know, you can never work with me. And all those are red flags, because if they truly believe in their product, if they believe in their service, they will have an abundant mindset.
Johnna:I mean, I agree with all that and like just for example, like sometimes I'll get into solo podcast on just thoughts and opinions that I have.
Johnna:I am in no means or no way here to give anyone relationship advice. Look at me, my relationship status is single, but sometimes I do jump on my platform and just rattle off things in my head and sometimes that's what content creating is is sometimes they have this thought and they were like this could go viral, you know, and and sometimes it's just like I use my podcast as a verbal diary sometimes because once I've said it it gets out of my head and I feel the energy release. So for me it's more of a verbal diary, not trying to make anything go viral, but sometimes I do have these thoughts. And so sometimes me it's more of a verbal diary, not trying to make anything go viral, but sometimes I do have these thoughts and so sometimes maybe that's all it is when they put out this content was I just had this thought this would make good content, let's put it out there. Maybe there was no thought.
Meenu :This will help somebody right, and I think I think that's where I think it also comes, as to saying that don't put them on a pedestal, right, right point, because it's like's like they may literally be taking a walk and they may have this thought and they talk about it, and maybe the intention is not even to sell you one or nothing, just to talk to you about it. And then you take their advice, and then now suddenly they've become your guru and you become your teacher, and if they say something that contradicts what they've said before, then now you're furious.
Johnna:So I mean because I've done it. I've gone on a walk and I've been like very frustrated about something and had this keep showing up in my life and I will be like you know what? I'm going to talk about this on the podcast because I can't be alone, right? Somebody else has to have this thought out there, Like it's almost to feel less alone, so that someone can relate and say I've been through that too, I've had those thoughts. Crazy, you're not. It's more of a looking for companionship through social media.
Meenu :In a way, that's my intention.
Johnna:I'm not saying that's their intention?
Meenu :well, absolutely not. And I think with your intentions, jonna, like you know, I've listened to a lot of your episodes and with your intentions it's very clear. You see what I'm trying to say. That's what I mean. Like you know what my mom said, it's like if you're saying the truth, you have nothing to hide, like worry about forgetting anything or remembering anything. And because for you, you don't portray yourself as a coach, you don't portray yourself as a therapist, you don't portray yourself that you know you're a professional and giving advice. You don't do that. So your people know it's literally your. The name of your podcast isbles. There is Babbles, which means I'm going to talk about my thoughts and I'm going to process my thoughts in this, so it's not misleading.
Johnna:Yeah, true.
Meenu :However, the influencers that we talked about before, they're misleading. We're just saying consume consciously, right, you know. Consume consciously Right. Be careful, because there's too much information out there, and align with your personal values. Check with your personal values, your identity in the core as to who you are, and then, if you like them, of course, support them. I'm one of the people that post content, support them, like comment, you know if you relate to it, if you really feel like there's value, buy from them, but otherwise don't Be conscious, be aware.
Meenu :All right, on that note, we're going to wrap it up. This was a very interesting subject because we both had so many examples to share.
Johnna:All right guys, until next time. Thank you for listening and bye, bye you.
