Babbles Nonsense
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Babbles Nonsense
I ain't afraid of no ghost
#169: Have you ever been left on read, ghosted, or flat-out ignored? That sinking feeling when someone vanishes without explanation isn't just annoying—it can trigger deep emotional wounds we didn't even know we had.
In this deeply personal episode, I open up about my own triggers around being ignored, tracing them back to childhood experiences with parental figures who weren't consistently present. When that first text goes unanswered, many of us immediately turn inward, questioning what we did wrong—but the truth is, ghosting reveals far more about the person doing it than about us.
We dive into the psychology behind why people disappear without explanation: fear of confrontation, emotional immaturity, avoidant attachment styles, our swipe-and-discard dating culture, and sometimes just plain lack of empathy. Understanding these motivations doesn't excuse the behavior, but it can help us stop taking it so personally.
The real magic happens when we learn to reclaim our power in these situations. I share six practical strategies for dealing with being ghosted, from resisting the urge to chase after someone to finding closure within ourselves rather than waiting for it from others. Your value doesn't decrease because someone failed to see it—and you never need to beg for basic respect.
Whether you're currently nursing the sting of being ghosted or want to better understand why it hurts so much when someone goes silent, this episode offers both validation and practical wisdom. Ready to take your power back when someone leaves you on read? Listen now, and let's navigate this modern relationship challenge together.
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What is up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast. So today we are talking about the infamous ghosting and ignoring that we probably all have experienced at one point or another, whether that be in your social life, your relationships, dating, professional life, whatever it may be, we have probably all at some point been ghosted and or ignored. So if you're interested in this topic, then stick around. I may or may not have some interesting thoughts on this. We shall see once we dive into it. So let's get started. What is up, everyone? Welcome back. So I just wanted to do a little housekeeping, if you will, because I keep getting asked about the house, and I haven wanted to do a little housekeeping, if you will, because I keep getting asked about the house and I haven't really done a full episode on that yet. So all I will say is just a little snippet, I guess, is I purchased a brand new home that was not custom built for me but was like already built, but no one had lived in it in 2020. Yeah, 2020.
Johnna :And shortly thereafter, like six months to seven months later after purchasing the home maybe eight months, unsure, approximately six to nine months I noticed like some hardwood was delaminating in the dining room, in the living room area, and actually my realtor, who helped me purchase the home, came over to do a podcast that we actually never released because we were talking about the real estate market during COVID. And how crazy it was. She had come over to the podcast and I was like, hey, let me show you what's going on with my floors over here. Have you ever seen something like this? Which she had not. So she told me to submit that under my one year warranty. So I did under her advice, and the builder at the time, you know, sent the flooring people out to replace some of the planks that had turned like gray because I have like dark hardwood and the flooring people came out to replace them and then it happened again and then they came back to replace it again and they were like, hey, we're not going to keep replacing this flooring If you can't find the cause of what's causing it, because it's not the flooring just turning a color, there's water and moisture coming in which is causing the flooring to change colors, because there's moisture getting in the house.
Johnna :So this was my first home, you know, I didn't really know the ins and outs of what I could or couldn't do at the time. And lo and behold, like the builder told me, it was one thing and it wasn't, which I didn't know. I could get outside sources in to also check, but there wasn't really an investigation to figure out where the water and the moisture was coming in from, so they had convinced me it was. You know one thing, when it, when, you know, come to find out years later, it was not that, because the water and moisture returned, which I found last year, and you know, I reached out to the builder again because I had asked them, when they thought they had fixed it back in 2021, if this should come back, what would happen. And that's when they told me that, you know, don't worry, it would be taken care of. Well, I reached back out to the builder and told him it was back, but unfortunately they had a new warranty manager. So I had to, you know, explain the situation again and I was told that this was not a warranty issue, even though I still had the emails from the prior warranty manager.
Johnna :And then it was like several, several months of like trying to investigate, trying to get it to figure out the problem, and I had hired my own people like mold mitigation specialist. I had to hire contractors you know a structural engineer to come out and try to figure out what was going on and turned out that there was a lot of structural defects, some code violations. The builder was aware. The builder did not think that they needed to do what the structural engineer recommended to fix the house and they weren't willing to fix the structural defects at the time in an email that I had received. So I didn't have really any other choice other than to seek legal counsel, which I did, and so now I have a lawyer. So I can't really talk about the ins and outs of everything, but I am unfortunately having to go through that process currently, and once there is a resolution, once we figure out what's going on, I can, or once I'm given the okay to talk about it more in detail. I'll do it then.
Johnna :But just to give everyone kind of a brief synopsis, because I do keep getting asked like I have not forgotten. Trust me, this is like a huge thing in my life. But getting on with the topic of today's episode, oh, one more thing if you're local to Huntsville, madison area, highly recommend the um. Is it the Lanier? Maybe it's, I don't know if I'm saying this right. Y'all know I pronounce everything wrong. But the Lanier house it's like a tea house. If you're into it's a really awesome thing to do. Um, we, oh great. So Siri is like talking to me. Sorry, sorry about that. Um, so we had, um, my friends, baby sprinkle there and it was just beautiful, had a good time, the food was delicious, they have gluten-free and vegetarian options and then, of course, the all the tea was absolutely phenomenal and it was just fun catching up with the girls. But I wanted to catch y'all up on that.
Johnna :But going back to the topic of ghosting and ignoring so I'm not an expert I wanted to do this with Meenu, but she's super busy, which I'm super happy for her, because that just means her business is taking off, which her business is always doing great, but it's just very busy right now. But I just wanted to talk about ghosting, being ignored, being left on read, however you want to say it. I feel like we've all kind of experienced that and we've all, whether we've all sent a message or watch those three little dots pop up and then they disappear and then we never hear back. I feel like we've all been there and it's honestly confusing, it can be painful, depending on who it is that's doing it, and it can also mess with your head because you're questioning yourself like I thought they liked me. Should I be embarrassed? You know all those feelings, right.
Johnna :So today we're going to try to break down why people ghost and what it does to us emotionally and how we can take our power back, cause I know me and you's always preaching about. You know we give our power away when we allow people to get into our heads like this. So let's just get on into it, okay. So let's just start with the definition. What is ghosting? So ghosting to me my personal experience and maybe this is because it's a childhood trauma which we're going to get into as well but like ghosting to me is just simply ignoring right. So. But the actual definition is like ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off all communication without warning or explanation. No text, no call, no, hey, this isn't working, just poof gone.
Johnna :So we mostly think about ghosting in the dating world, and if it's not in dating, we call it ignoring right. So like if it's a parent, if it's a friend, we don't say, well, my friend ghosted me. We're like no, they just straight up ignored me. But then I guess ghosting is different than ignoring, because sometimes people can ignore your text message and then talk to you two days later and that's not necessarily ghosting, because ghosting would be they don't come back. So I guess, now that I'm thinking about it, it's not exactly the same thing.
Johnna :But in all actuality ghosting is still ignoring. We will just call ignoring ghosting's distant cousin. That's what we will do because essentially they're the same thing in my opinion. But there's a common thread and theme with both ignoring and ghosting, because it just leaves you hanging and wondering what the hell happened. And again, this maybe, maybe. For me it is coming more from a dating perspective. Not that too many people actually have ghosted me, but I constantly have issues with just being ignored in general. So that's why I wanted to address it on the podcast, because when I talk to my girlfriends about it it's just like it's not that it's a man that's ignoring me, because I get upset when anyone does it.
Speaker 2:I just think it's rude I just think ignoring someone is rude.
Johnna :That's just my personal opinion.
Johnna :So for me and my personal experience, being ignored is triggering, I think, like you know, through therapy sessions and whatnot. Because my father, you know, he, didn't really have anything to do with us as children and he, you know him and my mom, my mom left him when I was very young because he just wasn't a good provider. Honestly, he wasn't a man, I hate to say that, he just wasn't. And so he would call us a lot, kind of the typical thing that you see on TV, like he would call, say that he was going to show up, that he was going to pick us up, and then we would be the kids waiting by the window and then he would never show up. So that was my earliest remembrance of just being ignored, and especially by someone who is such a strong figure in my life, you know, a father figure. Now, granted, I had a wonderful stepdad who never ignored me, and he's always. Well, we'll get to that. He never ignored me as a child and I'm laughing because, like now that I'm older, if I like call or something, sometimes he will just ignore my call and he'll like be like I'm not talking to you because he always and it's laughable because he's not really like, well, he is ignoring me, but he's doing it because typically when I'm calling, I really am just bugging him with questions like hey, how do you do this, or should I do that? So half the time he's like I just don't want to talk to you right now. I totally get that, totally would ignore myself as well. But just from a very early age, like was just ignored by someone who is supposed to be this important figure in my life.
Johnna :Fast forward to, you know, growing up and I've talked about this on previous podcasts where I had, you know, an older sister that was constantly in trouble after my dad had passed away, and then my mom was constantly feeling the need to just give her attention, whether it be good attention or bad attention because she just thought she wasn't doing enough as a parent, which in turn, took more of her attention away from me. So I was, you know, ignored by my mother. I would come home with good grades, I would try to talk to her, and then it was like John, I'm not right now, I need to focus on your sister. So it was just a constant battle of being ignored as a child by both parents, one intentionally, one not so intentionally. And so, just growing up, I always was.
Johnna :I just, I guess, because that just triggered me and that's my childhood quote unquote trauma that growing up, like, once we did get cell phones and once, you know, I did have friends, I'm you can ask any of my friends this I just respond back fast if I have my phone. Like, if I have my phone and I'm, you can ask any of my friends is I just respond back fast if I have my phone. Like, if I have my phone and I'm able to respond back, I will pick up my phone and respond back, because to me it takes like 30 seconds just to respond to someone and I hate waiting. So it's more about me than it is about someone else. So, yeah, so that just so. Then going into college you know, as I've mentioned, dating the first guy that you know, I fell in love with my first love and when we were back and forth in our situationship and he I don't know, I can't speak for him We've never actually talked about this Sometimes I felt like he was intentionally ignoring me because, you know, I talked about my childhood and I talked about my biggest hate in life was just when someone ignored me.
Johnna :And I'm not talking about when someone's busy, like I get people are busy. I'm talking about when someone's just flat out ignoring you and they could have answered and they don't. For example, if you text someone and they don't respond back, but then they get on social media and make a post and then you're like, hey, did you see my message? Or whatever. And they're like, oh yeah, I was so busy, or I was just so busy and I'm like, oh okay, you were so busy that you posted on social media but you couldn't respond back. That is the stuff I'm talking about.
Johnna :I'm not talking about when people are busy and they're out doing something or they see the text out, ignores it, or or when we're talking about well, we're talking about ignoring right now the distant cousin of ghosting, just because I have to give my backstory of why it just affects me so much and so talked about my mom, talked about my dad, talked about my sister and then first relationship I get in, like I said, I can't say that he was doing it on purpose or intentionally, but it felt that way at times that he would withdraw like communication to punish me because he knew it affected me so bad. And then, you know, it just kind of snowballed from there until I got older and like realized I needed to heal this trigger. And so the couple guys are a guy dated two years ago, two, three years ago um, like that was when I was trying to figure out all this childhood trauma and go to therapy and whatnot and there was like our first fight that we had gotten into and I saw like he had ignored me or whatever and for whatever reason. That just triggers me so and it makes me want to reach out more, which I know is the direct opposite of what we need to do. And then I caught myself in the middle of it because of therapy, because that's what obviously therapy is is to point out your behavior so that you can recognize them and start stopping them when you're doing it. And then from then on it's gotten like better.
Johnna :I'm not saying I'm not triggered by being ignored or ghosted, because I probably always will be, but the response that I give is just very different, and that could be anybody, it's not just someone dating. I think we just think about dating when we talk about ghosting, because that's the most prevalent when it's in our society, right, I'm just talking about in general. Like my friends can tell you, it's the same with my friends, guys I'm dating my parents anybody that does it. It just irritates me beyond belief. So, anyways, I'm giving a lot away about myself today, but it is what it is. So I looked up some stuff on ghosting and ignoring and this is what some research has said and why ghosting or and or ignoring is so triggering.
Johnna :As humans, we crave closure. Our brains are literally wired to seek patterns and answers. So when someone disappears without explanation, our mind fills in the blanks and it usually isn't kind. We start to wonder was it me? Did I do something wrong? And we always kind of go inward.
Johnna :For most people not all people I've met some very confident people that don't do this, but then usually they're not bothered by someone ghosting them, because I think a lot of it does stem from confidence and self-esteem. And again, it all comes from triggers, just like I talked about my childhood trauma and trigger. But it's true, and I actually said this to someone one time when they didn't talk, like when we were arguing or whatever, and they didn't want to talk about it. Then I was like you know what. Well then, don't get upset with me when my mind wants to fill in any of the blanks with this story that I've created, because you won't give me the version from your head. You know what I'm saying. So, like and that's one thing I don't understand like if I know that no one loves confrontation or maybe there are some people that do.
Johnna :I don't personally love confrontation. I don't personally like feeling ick or whatever. And I know some of my friends might disagree. They might be like, oh, we thought you liked confrontation. It's not that I like it, it's that I'm not afraid of confrontation. I'm not afraid to have differing of opinions than someone else and to be able to talk about it collaboratively with someone. Well, I guess not collaboratively, but you know what I'm talking about Talk about it with someone and coexist and then, if we can't come to some kind of mutual agreement, to agree to disagree, because at the end of the day, if you care about someone, you should want to resolve it, whether that be friends, platonic romantic parents, grandparents, any of that.
Johnna :But with all that said, usually the silence says more about them than it does about you. Because if you're willing to have a hard conversation, that does speak volumes to your character. If someone can't give you that hard conversation back, if someone does like let's. If we are talking about dating and I know sometimes when me and my friends talk, that's what one of the reasons why, like you, don't want to put yourself out there and I've heard this from people like that send me stories and stuff for the podcast. People don't want to put themselves out there because they are afraid of being ghosted or because we do live in that time where it's just easy to delete the phone number, move on, delete all social media and act like that person didn't exist. To me that is cowardly. To me that doesn't speak volumes to someone else's character, because how hard is it like to just say, hey, I'm not feeling this. How hard is that to say? Or hey, like you're texting me too much, or something like I know we don't want to hurt people's feelings and I know there's a lot nicer ways to say it. We have chat, gbt, for heaven's sake, where we can literally get on there and say how can I tell someone that I'm not interested in a nice way that doesn't hurt their feelings? You know we have the technology now to do that. So I'm not exactly sure why we ghost and ignore, but I guess that there are certain situations that it may be beneficial if someone's just not getting the hint. Maybe I don't know.
Johnna :But I want to get into what I found about why people ghost. So there are five topics, or five reasons, I guess, why people do this. So the first one would be fear of confrontation. Some people would rather just disappear than deal with uncomfortable conversations. Five topics, or five reasons, I guess, why people do this. So the first one would be fear of confrontation. Some people would rather just disappear than deal with uncomfortable conversations. Like I was saying earlier, they don't want to say I'm not interested because they're afraid it'll make them look bad. Um, even though ghosting, in my opinion, is worse. Um.
Johnna :The second one is emotional immaturity. Ghosting is a sign that someone doesn't have the tools or the courage to communicate like an adult. And I 1000% agree with that, because if you can't have an emotional conversation, then to me you are lacking emotional maturity, because it just says that you don't want to have a hard conversation, or you're don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or you don't know how to do that without hurting someone's feelings. You know what I'm saying. And then the third one is avoidance. Maybe they're overwhelmed dealing with something or just avoidant by nature, but again, their inability to communicate isn't our burden to carry, because there are the avoidant type people and typically this is, I think, when it happens the most, because most of the time the avoidance link up with the insecure attachment is insecure attachment. There's another. Let me look it up real quick anxious yes, that's what it is. So a lot of times avoidance link up with anxious, because they're just drawn to each other and so when the avoidant avoids, the anxious gets anxious and then they try to, you know, reach out more, which makes the avoid avoid more. You see where I'm going with this. So sometimes it is just their character traits, but again, we all can work on that.
Johnna :The fourth one is modern culture. So let's be real, dating apps have made people disposable. I think social media and dating apps have made people disposable. There's always someone new to swipe on. So the motivation to treat others with respect just kind of has dipped a little bit. It's so easy to be like I had a great date with her, but you know, she or him, whatever him or her, and it it went great, but it's just not what I'm feeling. And then get on the apps and just keep swiping and then if someone reaches out like, instead of just saying like hey, I'm so, like I had a great time on the date, I just don't see this going anywhere and just letting it have the closure and letting the person move on when the other person might have thought it was just the most wonderful date ever. Then you can just get back on the dating app and swipe, swipe, swipe or someone's always in the DMs just being like trying to like hook up or trying to see how you're doing, or whatever it may be. There's just this abundance around and that's one of the reasons why I don't like to date is because it's just so much abundance. It's almost like no one is looking for anyone anymore because they want to find this quote unquote perfect specimen of a human that doesn't exist and no one's willing to put in the work, because there's just so many options. So why would you? You know what I'm saying, so I get it.
Johnna :Um, the fifth and final one is lack of empathy. Some folks just don't care. So if you are meeting up with the narcissistic people, selfish people, emotionally detached, emotionally immature, whatever the reason or the character flaw, they don't see the harm in disappearing because they're not thinking about you in that moment when they're ghosting, they're focusing on their feelings and how, what's going on in their life, which I get, to a certain extent, like. We all kind of are self centric At some point in our lives. We all kind of do focus on ourselves or you know parts in our lives, are trying to make things relate in our lives so that we can connect and understand. So I get it to a certain extent. Again, I can understand something from someone else's perspective but disagree with it. So I'm not saying we should excuse the behavior for it, but when you understand where it comes from, it kind of helps you detach and stop taking it a little personally. So just kind of identifying where they're coming from it kind of helps you detach and stop taking it a little personally. So just kind of identifying where they're coming from, whether it be fear of confrontation, emotional immaturity, avoidance, modern culture or lack of empathy. If you can kind of understand it, then you can kind of get the closure you need without them giving you that closure which we all have to work on anyways.
Johnna :I know that, I know that I mean you says it all the time but the biggest deal, I think, is just the impact of being ignored. So that's what I wanted to focus on, kind of like I shared my experience, like how it triggers like that childhood trauma in me and you can kind of relate when you're listening to this if you have a certain childhood trauma and something that someone does or says in society or whatnot in your life and it kind of just you get this trigger, whether it be like annoyance or aggravation, anger, and you don't really know where it's coming from and you're like why did I just all of a sudden get angry by something someone said and you know it wasn't what they said or who it was. It just you're like why am I? So? That's usually the childhood trauma and the trigger coming out. So then you have to do some deep work there to try to figure it out.
Johnna :But getting into the real stuff on how it feels being ignored or ghosted can feel like rejection on steroids. Sometimes it triggers old wounds, like the childhood trauma I was talking about, especially if it comes from abandonment issues. So I think, like I don't want to say I was abandoned, but I guess I was as a child, like my dad did just not want to be a dad. I guess I don't know he's not alive for me to ask him, but I wish I were older prior to him passing so that I could maybe have this hard conversation with him, to just be like why didn't you want to be a father? Why didn't you want to take care of us Because he did just like to go out to the bars and play music. He was a musician, he didn't want to work, but you know you gotta do that when you have children. But regardless, I guess that did make me feel abandoned and sometimes we have to just say it to like resonate with it. I just don't like saying it because I don't want to feel like a victim, because I'm not a victim. I had a wonderful stepdad so I felt like I had someone that took his place and did an amazing job.
Johnna :But if you've ever felt like that, felt abandoned, felt unworthy, felt unloved or overlooked in the past, this kind of behavior, like the ghosting and the ignoring, can sometimes bring all that pain back to the surface and our nervous systems don't know the difference between physical and emotional threat. So when we do feel that abandonment or whatnot, whatever you want to call it, our fight or flight response does tend to kick in. Sometimes we start spiraling, overthinking, obsessing, refreshing, keep looking at our phone, rereading text messages, and we start doing, or like, keep reaching out, because it's triggered, that response in us that's trying to make us fix it right, like we're not trying to actually fix that moment with that person. We're trying to fix the trigger to get to get it to stop, but we can't until we recognize it and that's something that I'm so happy that I have done, because I can recognize it and stop it in the moment Not 100% of the time, but most of the time and it stopped making me question myself, like it stopped making me be like what did I do? Because I know it's not anything I've done.
Johnna :Like sometimes two people just don't jive, or sometimes, like I said earlier, it's more about the other person and what they're going through really really than what you've done, and sometimes we give too much power and too much recognition to someone else when really we could just let it go to them and just like whatever you're dealing with, I wish you nothing but the best. You know what I'm saying, like because it's really not a reflection of us is, I guess what I'm trying to get at, is all I guess what I'm trying to get at, but something that mean you and like my therapist and everything, and friends have always told me that silence is the biggest communication, like I like just because someone's being silent doesn't mean they're not communicating with you. Sometimes it tells you everything that you need to know without them having to say anything at all. Like it can tell you a lot. You can look at their character. You can look at the conversation that they left. You can look at like.
Johnna :If you look at it like from an outside perspective, I think we can get a lot more clarity on it, which I know is really like it's easy to sit here on this podcast and say that, but when you're in that emotional state in that moment, it's really hard to do that. But maybe if someone's listening to this and they're going through that, you can give it a couple of weeks or try to look at it from a different perspective and try to realize like it has nothing to do with what you've said or done. But we can handle it in different ways. I've learned some ways through me and you and through therapy. I've also done some research. I'm going to read through the ways that that's listed. I have six different ways, so one of them being don't chase them. So if someone chooses to disappear, we're just supposed to let them go and that gives us our power back, like me and you always talks about that's why I wish she was on this podcast and then do your best not to double text, don't beg for answers and don't shrink your personality in yourself to try to figure out something that someone else did and what someone else is going through. Like I said, like sometimes we can look at it and it says a lot.
Johnna :Sometimes silence and people ignoring you does say a lot. The second one is reframe it. If their silence is about or you can just in your mind their silence is about them, not you. You did not do anything to mess anything up. You just saw the true colors of someone you know.
Johnna :Number three protect your peace. Sometimes, like, people will ignore you and or ghost you and then come back around my friend calls it spinning the block, something I've learned and sometimes that will happen. And if you're not, if you haven't moved on or you haven't made peace with it, then sometimes we allow people back in when they clearly just disrespected us by not giving us that communication. So sometimes that means muting them or blocking them on texting and social media. If it needs to be like I'm not talking about someone you just met, I'm talking about like maybe you had dated for a long time, or maybe you were in a relationship, or maybe it is your family member. I've had to do this with family members. You know where. We just need space, you know, for the moment, and sometimes that's okay.
Johnna :Number four would be focusing on your own worth. Your value does not decrease just because someone failed to see it. Their inability to recognize your greatness isn't your failure, it's their loss. So just realize and like I said earlier it I think a lot of it does come down to self-confidence and self-esteem. And when we focus inward on that, then usually it doesn't matter what someone else is saying or not saying to us. Um, usually just because you're very secure in who you are and someone else doesn't need to break that down.
Johnna :Number five practical detachment letting go of needing closure from someone who didn't respect you in the first place. Closure always should come from you, not them, and that's something I had to learn many years too late that sometimes you don't get closure. Sometimes you have to just give yourself that closure, and I know that's hard and I know there's a friend and I don't know if she's still going through this because we haven't spoken in a little bit. I need to actually reach out to her. This podcast is making me think about her and I know her and I have had conversations about that.
Johnna :You know, like we're, sometimes you're just not going to know, like, for instance, the first example I gave on this not the first, but the one of the first examples I gave on this podcast about when, how this started as a childhood trigger, you know, from the ages from birth to 1517. That's when, that's when I was learning all like ghosting, ignoring and whatnot from pivotal people in my life. And I mentioned, I made the comment where I said I don't know if he did this intentionally or if he did it to hurt me, but that's something I'll let go because that's something I used to really used to really bother me. But that's something I'll let go because that's something it used to really bother me, but that's something I had to just be like you know what, I don't know what he did, and that's for him to know. I don't need to know. And that's giving yourself closure is by allowing yourself the I don't need to know information anymore.
Johnna :And the sixth and final one is, if you're tempted to reach out, ask yourself will it bring peace or prolong the pain? Sometimes writing out what you want to say and not sending it can help release it from your system. I recommend doing this in your notes app and not on the messaging, because you might accidentally hit send Won't say I've done that, but you might. So I recommend, highly recommend, the notes app or just get on chat gpt and have a conversation with it. You know, or you I'm sure you've got some really great friends and you can reach out to them instead. So just remember you don't need to beg for respect, you don't need to explain your worth. You can let them go and make room for better.
Johnna :So it doesn't matter if someone has ghosted you or ignoring and clearly this is more about dating than family professional it can. I was just giving those examples earlier on where it can happen. So, anyways, that is the episode today and what kind of started it all as I was on TikTok, which I I'm not like a full TikTok girly, yet I am starting to like it more. But there was aok about ghosting from this guy that I was just like wow, that's a really good point. And then that's when it kind of snowballed into like I really want to do an episode on that because I'm sure that's happened to a lot of people.
Johnna :It's happened to me like I've been ghosted and ignored before by several people actually you know my own family, for heaven's sake. But um, it is what it is and it's kind of comical now that I can talk about on the podcast, because it clearly isn't bothering me or hurting me. It's just something I wanted to talk about. But I want to play this TikTok real quick. It's a little long, maybe two to three minutes. So if you want to stop the podcast now, then that's fine. If you want to listen to it, then would love for you to do that.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to play it now and then left her feeling like a fool. All because you was too afraid to communicate.
Speaker 2:But that's fake, because if you knew she wasn't the one, you could have just said that. Instead, you wanted her to question her worth and keep that bridge unburned so one day you might be able to come back across it. Once. You, and whoever it is you think you're replacing her with, don't work out, because ghosting ain't about protecting their feelings. It's just proof that you never cared about them to begin with.
Speaker 2:And the worst part about ghosting her like that wasn't making her lose you. It was making her lose the belief that the version of herself that she showed you that she barely showed anybody else was actually valued. You could say all you want, how. You just wanted to avoid conflict, but you left her to battle her own thoughts about what she may have done wrong, when you knew good and well that she was innocent, like you didn't owe her commitment, bro, if the feelings weren't mutual. But leaving her in confusion like that instead of having the basic decency to just say hey, this ain't working out for me. It wasn't just immature, it was cruel. You're a coward for doing it.
Johnna :So, yeah, that's what kind of triggered this. When I saw it pop up on my For you page, I was just like I love when men will get on there and be vulnerable and just say things. When men will get on there and be vulnerable and just say things and I'm like it really does make you believe in chivalry again, like being like okay, there are some men out there that still think this way I'm not saying all men and I mean I know there's, there's women. That goes to. I'm just saying like when it is dating. And obviously it's coming from my perspective as a woman then, and I'm just, I'm just huge in communication. Like I will talk about all my feelings until death, but and sometimes I won't there's certain things that I'm actually get like shy away from.
Johnna :But it really depends on how comfortable someone makes me. If you're my friend and I know you, then you're going to hear it all. You're going to hear everything. If I'm dating someone, it's going to take me a little while to open up, but once I do, you are going to hear everything, all my feelings, because I do believe in communication, I'm just huge in communication. And again, like I said, it goes back to my childhood trauma because there wasn't a lot of communication and that's what I really wanted. So that's what I do now. Anyways, I'm going to end it right there. I hope y'all enjoyed this episode and until next time, bye. Enjoyed this episode and until next time, bye you.
