Babbles Nonsense
Welcome to my verbal diary where I want to discuss any and all things that is essentially on my mind or have wondered about. Sometimes I will be solo and then other times I will have some amazing guests to bring all different perspectives in life. The ultimate goal is to hopefully bring some joy, laughter, inspiration, education, and just maybe a little bit of entertainment. Don't forget to like, rate, and share the podcast with a friend!
Babbles Nonsense
When Being Self-Sufficient Leaves You Emotionally Invisible
#170: The strength we build from standing on our own can sometimes become the very wall that keeps meaningful connection at bay. For those of us who've mastered self-sufficiency—especially women who pride themselves on independence—there's a shadow side rarely discussed: profound loneliness.
Most of us didn't become independent because life was easy. We developed this trait because circumstances demanded it. Maybe you grew up in chaos or had parents who leaned on you more than they should have. Perhaps you were burned one too many times or simply had to become your own safety net because nobody else was watching out for you. Whatever the catalyst, you learned not to ask for help, not to wait for rescue, but to carry your own weight—and often everyone else's too.
While society celebrates this strength as empowering and "badass," there's a hidden toll. When you're the capable one, people eventually stop checking in, stop offering help, and just assume you've got everything handled. You become emotionally invisible—the one everyone leans on, but no one thinks to ask, "How are you really doing?" This invisibility creates a profound paradox: the more independent you become, the lonelier you may feel, even in a crowded room.
The path forward isn't abandoning your hard-earned strength, but recognizing that needing people doesn't make you weak—it makes you human. Start by letting just one person see the unfiltered version of you, the one who's tired, confused, or just over it. Remember that "independence isn't about isolation; it's about having the choice to stand alone, but the freedom to not always have to." Your strength is beautiful, but your softness deserves space too. What if today was the day you let someone help you carry the load?
You can now send us a text to ask a question or review the show. We would love to hear from you!
Follow me on social: https://www.instagram.com/babbles_nonsense/
What is up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast. I do apologize for not posting an episode last week or mentioning that I was going to take a week break. By the time Tuesday rolled around and work was done. I was like you know what it is, what it is. We're not posting anything today and, I'll be honest, sometimes I have been not really inspired to do an episode and it's really like I've mentioned multiple times on the episode.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it can be hard to do solo episodes, especially when you're not a reality star, you're not, there's not a lot of stuff happening or you're not going to a lot of things and you kind of live a boring life. But it is what it is. We are here today, but today I wanted to talk about something that I feel maybe some people won't talk about or they they shy away from, and that's being like hyper independent and this is more geared towards females per usual but like being that hyper independent, strong, self sufficient female and how sometimes that can make us feel lonely. So if this interests you, or this top you know, if this is one of the topics you would love to discuss, then stay tuned, we're going to get into it. All right, all right, guys, welcome back. So, like I was saying in the intro, we are talking about you know how being independent, strong and self sufficient can sometimes feel really lonely, and you know I put myself in that category as well. I feel like I'm a very independent woman. I have focused my entire life on my career. I've prided myself in that, actually, and I guess it wasn't until recently that I was like. You know, I am a pretty good catch. I'm pretty independent, and the longer I stay single, it just makes it harder. To date, because you just become that hyper independence where it's like you can do it yourself, you've done it yourself for so long and then when someone does come in to help you, it's almost like what do they want? You know what I'm saying. So that's why I kind of just wanted to do this podcast out. You know it's. It's for those hyper independent, emotionally self sufficient women, the ones who get labeled quote unquote intimidating, too much or good on her own end, quote. Let's talk about that, let's dive into that.
Speaker 1:So, if we're being honest, you know most of us didn't become independent because life was easy. We had became that way because we had to. Like I've mentioned several times about my childhood and how I pretty much was on my own, to my sister being in trouble, in and out of trouble and stuff like that. So maybe you also grew up in chaos or with parents who leaned on you more than they should have. Maybe you got burned out one too many times. Maybe you had to become your own safety net because nobody else was watching you, watching you or catching you.
Speaker 1:I guess I should say, if we're going to use the safety net, so now those people don't typically ask for help, we don't wait for someone to rescue us, we don't lean, we carry. And yes, that can be powerful and it can be badass, but also it can get exhausting. I don't know about y'all out there, but I can get exhausted with everything that is on my plate for being independent. Because no matter how strong we are, we're still human at the end of the day and humans need connection, support, softness, space to not have it all together. Places to cry, someone to lean on someone, to just be there, whether it just be their presence, whether it be talking, whether it be going to dinner, having a drink, whatever that presence may be for you. I feel like we all, as humans crave that connection and I used to think that I didn't. I used to be like I'm so fine on my own. But in those moments when I was saying that I typically was around people, like I worked in a career where there was just people around all the time, so when I did have my time to myself at home, it just felt really nice. And now that I don't work around a lot of people and I am home more often than not by myself, I'm constantly thinking like, wow, I would really appreciate, like a friend right now, I could really hang out with someone right now or something like that. So just being vulnerable and honest about that.
Speaker 1:But also like I in the past have had, you know, fights with my friends because I would be like y'all don't check in on me, y'all don't even know what I'm up to, like if I you know me and my aunt have talked about this a lot Like we all have friends, that you have some friends that are the glue that keep everybody together, and then you have some friends that are just kind of like there and not. That either is wrong, and it all comes down to personality types and whatever that we don't have time to get into because me and you is not here and I cannot try to go down that rabbit hole by myself. But I used to. I remember, like in college and stuff, like getting in fights with my like my very best friends and I would be like I went a week without texting you and you know, just to see if you would respond or reach out to me first and you didn't. But then I had to realize and grow up and be like you know, everyone has their own life, everyone has their own family. You know they can't like I can't be so dependent on them when, yes, friends are your chosen family but at the end of the day they're still not your family and they don't owe you anything. Actually, no one owes you anything at the end of the day but yourself.
Speaker 1:So that's where I would say it gets tricky, like when you're the strong one and people do stop checking in, they stop offering help, they assume you've got it all handled and over time I guess one can start internalizing that you, we stop opening up, we stop expecting support, you could also become the one everyone leans on, but no one ever thinks to ask like, hey, how are you doing? And I'm sure people can relate to this. So that's where that loneliness like starts creeping in. Right, that loneliness isn't always about being physically alone. Sometimes it's just that emotional aloneness, Like you could be physically present, like I was talking about in my career, like you could be physically present with other humans around, but if they're not your people and they're not the ones you count on or you consider yourself close to, then you still feel lonely, no matter who's around, and it's it's almost like you become emotionally invisible to people and it's about knowing that if you don't keep your life together, no one else will, because you have to depend on yourself, and so that can become very heavy, like always constantly leaning on yourself, because sometimes we just need to bounce things off of you know other people and I think like even for me it you know, I can admit it now and I can be vulnerable about it now, because I've been through therapy, I've worked on, you know, energy healing and I have become strong in myself and confident in myself.
Speaker 1:But at the end of the day sometimes I really get lonely. Sometimes I really wish I had either a partner or best friend that I can just constantly not constantly, but like consistently lean on, like I have friends that are there for me, don't get me wrong. I have great friends and wonderful friends, but, like I said, we're all almost in our 40s and they have their own lives, they have their own family, they have husbands, children, stuff like that. So it's not like it was in college where I could be like well, I should be at the top tier list. You know what I'm saying. But if we're just like talking truth, like that most of us won't admit, I would say it's, sometimes we do wish that someone would just take the lead, someone would say you don't have to carry it all today, or someone would make us feel safe enough to soften up, and that can kind of lead into a different conversation, right, like if we're talking about dating, sometimes it's hard for females who are hyper independent to lean into their feminine energy, and I think that's just because we're so used to doing everything which is considered a masculine energy, not saying like you're masculine or feminine when it comes to the outward appearance.
Speaker 1:But and this is something I had to learn from me and you when we were going through energy healing and talking Like she was like you have very masculine energy she was talking to me about that and I was like what do you mean? Like I don't feel, like I'm a very masculine person. And she was like Well, no, you just have masculine energy. Like you have to be the one to do things, you have to be the one to initiate, and so I'm so used to that and sometimes it's hard to pull back. But when you are in the dating aspect of everything, if you have a man that's not stepping up in their masculine energy, it's really hard for a female to also step up in their feminine energy, for example. So if I'm dating someone and they're never initiating, like they're never asking me on a date, they're never doing that, I know one would say, well, they don't like you, hon, and that's. That could be one. That could be one thing.
Speaker 1:But also in this era of dating, it also can just be that some men want to be in there. They this is all over TikTok right now. And if you don't believe me, look it up like soft girl era for the men. Like the men want to tap into their feminine energy and that's great. I think there should be a balance to that. But if it's a consistent thing like that, so if I'm hyper independent in my work life, in my professional life and my family life, and then I also have to be hyper independent, which would be more of a masculine energy into into my dating life, then it can become a problem and it's not really balanced out and like and maybe that's how men feel, I don't know Maybe I should interview a man about their masculine versus feminine energy. Maybe they're constantly all the time laying like I don't want to be hyper independent. So I think it could be a give and take.
Speaker 1:But they say men like that because I mean obviously they're, they want to lean more into their masculine energy and sometimes when women are being in their masculine energy, it can turn a man off because they want them to be in their feminine Point being. If you want someone to be in their opposite energy, you have to step up in that energy if that makes sense. So if you, if you're a guy, and you want a girl in their feminine energy, then you have to step up your masculine energy so that the female can be more in her feminine energy. If you're a female and you want to show up in your feminine energy more, then you have to start doing that and allow men to be more in their masculine energy and stop taking control. So it's a give and a take.
Speaker 1:But going back to just the hyper independence, I know it always leads to dating, because that's one of the things that you know I do, so it's easier to talk about. But with all that being said, what I'm trying to say is independence kind of like becomes an armor for someone. It becomes the way we protect ourselves from disappointment, abandonment or rejection. Because I guess, like, asking for help or being seen in that struggle sometimes does feel scarier and it's not what we're, not what we're used to. And I can talk about myself, obviously. So like, for example, I do stay in a masculine energy all the time because I am single. I do a lot of stuff by myself. I had to grow up very young. So like, like, just getting stuff done in general, I am always having to put 100% effort in. Right, if I'm, if I'm the only one doing it, I have to put 100% effort in. It's not like I have a partner or friend or roommate or parents that continue to help me. It's me. So I do have to show up in that way, so I it can become a struggle to learn to lean back a little bit to allow someone else to step up and help you.
Speaker 1:But if you are in this season of your life where your strength feels isolating, I do want you to hear this it's okay to need people. It does not make you weak, it actually makes you more of a whole person, and I'm saying this to y'all, but I'm also saying this to my inner dialogue, because I have to say this to myself consistently and I've worked on it, I've worked on it in therapy, I've worked on it with me and you. So if it's something that you are struggling with, or you know you do feel lonely or you do feel like you're hyper independent, then maybe that's where you start. Maybe you start sharing that in therapy or with a life coach or an energy healer, whoever you have deemed that person to lean on. It's just starting, small right, it's.
Speaker 1:You let one person in, and to me, I think it would be great to you know, have that be a professional, but if it's not, then you let that one person in, whether it be a friend, family member, someone you met on the street. You know what I'm saying. Let someone see the unfiltered version of you, the version who's tired, confused, scared or hell, just fucking over it. You know, let them see that be vulnerable and it becomes easier If you don't have those people in your life yet. Where you can, where you can do that, then start showing up as you in your general life, like you don't have to be that hyper capable version of yourself all the time. Just be the real you and, like everyone has always said, the right people in your life will respond to that and the wrong ones will just fall away. And that's kind of what we need in our life. We need the right ones to stick around and the wrong ones to disappear, if you will. I mean that's what we would all hope for, right? I mean it would almost make our lives perfect. But that's not life. We're still going to have the trials and tribulations. We're still going to have the up and downs, because that's what makes life life. We were.
Speaker 1:I was actually walking with a friend this weekend and we were talking about this cause. We're doing a Bible study and we were just talking about it and I was like I can't remember what she said, but she made a comment and I was like you know, that's just how life is If we didn't have sad moments, and I can't remember where I heard this. It's definitely not a thought for me, it's something I read or listened to on a podcast. But I was like if we didn't have those sad moments, we wouldn't know what happiness is. We would just, I mean, we would feel it, but we wouldn't really truly appreciate it and we wouldn't know what it is. Because, yes, sad things happen and it's horrific and it's horrible, and it doesn't change that it makes you sad, but time does heal all wounds, like they say, and then, once that sadness has gone away, then we can experience that happiness again and you appreciate it a little bit more each time.
Speaker 1:So I'll start ending it here and I'll just want to say, if no one's told you lately, I see you. You don't always have to have it together. You don't have to be the strong one every single day. Your strength can be beautiful, but your softness also deserves a space. And then something else that, like I saw on a quote that I think is really cool and something that has stuck with me, is this Independence isn't about isolation, it's about having the choice to stand alone, but the freedom to not always have to.
Speaker 1:And that just really resonated with me because, even though I can be independent and even though I can do most things by myself, it's okay to allow people to help you and it does start opening that softer side of you. So if this podcast or anything resonated with you, then share it with a friend who's been caring a lot. Let them know that they're not alone and just have a and just. I think we should just all show up better as friends to each other and just, I don't know, try to soften up if we will. And I say this because this is how I am and I know if I'm struggling with this, then maybe others are too. But anywho, I will end it right there and, as always, guys, until next time. Bye, thank you.
