Babbling About What People See vs. Who We Really Are

#189: The masks we wear rarely tell our full story. When I uploaded my Instagram photo to Chat GPT for analysis, the contrast between perception and reality struck me deeply. The world sees confidence, boldness, and someone who "has it all figured out", yet beneath that exterior lives someone who feels deeply, craves safety, and needs solitude to recharge.

This fascinating disconnect shapes every relationship we build. At work, people assume we can carry additional weight because we appear capable. In friendships, we're often the "strong one" who rarely gets checked on. And in romance? Partners attracted to our confident selves sometimes retreat when our vulnerable sides emerge. It's exhausting when the world only validates one dimension of who we are.

Social media has amplified this phenomenon to unprecedented levels. We've all posted highlight reels while sitting in completely different emotional realities. These carefully crafted personas serve as both protection and prison, shielding us from judgment while simultaneously preventing authentic connection. The truth is that confidence doesn't mean invulnerability; it simply means we've learned to wear our armor effectively.

What we're all searching for are people who can see past that armor. Those rare connections who don't mistake our protective layers for our whole identity. They recognize that our bluntness might be honesty, our ambition might mask a desire for peace, and our sociability might require periods of solitude to sustain. 

Whether you're typically misunderstood or feel people only appreciate half of who you are, know this: the ones worth keeping close are those who can love both your spotlight and your shadows. Your armor protects you, but it should never define you. Ready to explore both sides of yourself? Join us for this deeply personal conversation about authenticity in a curated world.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction: The Perception Gap
• 1:56 The Chat GPT Photo Experiment
• 5:36 Confidence vs. Reality
• 10:30 Vulnerability in Relationships
• 15:28 Finding People Who See The Full Picture
• 20:52 Closing Thoughts on Authenticity

Transcript

Johnna : 0:00

What is up everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast. Today we are diving into something I feel like we all experience, and that is the gap between how people see us and who we actually are underneath it all. You know that old saying that says, like don't judge a book by its cover. Well, it turns out everyone judges that damn cover. And are we surprised by that? No, because humans are shallow, and I mean everyone. No one is perfect, but if I'm being real, the way people perceive me isn't always the truth of who I am either. But go figure.

Johnna : 0:33

Also, little side note, we will be talking about chat GPT in this episode. So please know that I am aware that this is not a replacement for therapy and if you are going through something, you really need to talk to someone, whether that be a life coach, a therapist, a friend, family member, and not AI. Also, know that chat GPT learns what you want to hear. So if you're doing any research or self reflection through chat, you also have to learn how to use chat GPT. So meaning you have to ask for a non biased opinion or, in to answer, in a way, a therapist would to break it down to you. Otherwise, it's just going to learn your behaviors, what you want to hear and agree with your behaviors, and I didn't realize that until I heard a therapist on Instagram actually say that. But anyways, that's my little caveat about chat GPT, since we will be talking about it in today's episode. But we will also be talking about the version of ourselves. The world sees, the real us underneath the smile, the outfit, the vibes, and how this gap shows up in our relationships, careers and self-worth. So if this is a topic you've been interested in, then this one is for you all, right, guys?

Johnna : 1:56

Like I said, I wanted to talk about, like the difference between how people see us and how we see ourselves, and the reason, like I I got on this topic was I saw this trend where people were uploading photos of themselves into chat GPT and asking for, like brutally honest feedback, read whatever you want to call it. And yes, I know this is ridiculous and it's probably killing the planet Like I'm not even lying, look it up. But curiosity one. And I just had to try it because that's what we do. We follow trends as humans to feel like we fit in. So I uploaded a photo from my Instagram. I know this isn't a visual podcast, so I'll try to describe it a little bit. So it was just like my hair was softly curled, it was down, which I don't do often. I was wearing dark lipstick like a purplish plum fall color, sitting in my car with the sun on my face, just smiling, where I had on, like baggy dad jeans and a tank top with a sheer overlay, so like trying to be casual but styled, going to brunch. And so that's the photo uploaded and this is what chat said and, honestly, like it gave me the idea for this episode, because it's something we all deal with.

Johnna : 3:02

I feel like I feel like people think they know who you are based on social media or maybe even listening to like a single podcast episode, and they think, oh, I got you, I've got you pinned, I kind of know who you are just through this, but the truth and the reality of it is they only know the version of you you've chosen to share. Like I don't know how many of you all do this, but like it's been proven that you know we post photos on social media and stuff for dopamine hits and I'm like there's moments in my life where I'm doing it just because, like I'm sharing. But then there's moments in my life where I am doing it because I'm going through something that maybe I'm trying to not feel as bad about, or to try to distract myself, or whatever the case may be, and you post something to get that validation from outside sources. Like I'm going to be 100% honest, I've obviously done it. I feel like the world has all done it. I mean, it's not always that way, but like, how many times have you posted something where you might be sitting there on the couch crying but you post a photo of you like looking glam, gorgeous, whatever, and that's not even the reality of what you're sitting in in that moment. Like I remember I was not feeling well one day and I posted like an old video and someone even made a comment. They were like, well, you couldn't have been feeling that bad because you posted a video. I was like, literally, that video was taken like two weeks prior and I was sitting on the couch not feeling well and posted it. So it just kind of gave me the idea for this topic.

Johnna : 4:25

But anyways, back to what chat said about my photo. So chat said that how people see me based on my photo is confident, bold and magnetic Big smile, dark lipstick, styled hair, giving main character energy. People assume that you thrive in the spotlight. They see you as high standards Put together. Look makes people think that you don't settle easily. You're in style, you have friendships or dating. Some even feel intimidated. It also said that I look outgoing and extroverted. You look like the life of the party Always upbeat, always social, never insecure. And then the last thing it said is that I looked polished but intimidating, that I've got my life together, vibe, making people keep their guard up around me. So that's crazy. Because you know, I don't know about y'all, but I have chats with chat about you know, just like inner conflict and stuff, just to kind of get research and understand my feelings a little bit better when I can't get into therapy. So chat knows like my inner thoughts, and so this is what chat said, but who you actually are. So that was what they said, based on the photo that I took, versus who I actually am. So chat says I'm actually confident but sensitive.

Johnna : 5:44

Yes, you carry confidence, but sensitive to being misunderstood. You feel deeply, even when you laugh it off. You're driven but crave peace. You're ambitious, chasing goals, but secretly longing for something steady and safe a place to exhale. You're outgoing, but not all the time. You can light up a room, but constant socialization drains you. You need solitude to reset and then you're strong. You have a strong exterior but a soft core. You have boldness, sarcasm and style as armor underneath your loyal, nurturing and craving depth. So brutally put, people think you are a powerhouse who never doubts yourself, but in reality you're a powerhouse who feels everything. You've just learned how to wear your armor well.

Johnna : 6:27

So yeah, like chat nailed it, when I read this I was like that is so true, because I hear it from so many people that, like you know, maybe listen to this podcast or they see me on social media and they're just like you have your life figured out, you've got so much going for you, you look so confident, you're so beautiful. Those are the comments that I get right. But in actuality that's not always how I feel. I feel very insecure sometimes. I'm much introverted than people think. I really do get social anxiety and get drained. That's part of the reason I started this podcast, thinking that it would help or cure my social anxiety. I mean, don't get me wrong, it has. But I've also been doing a lot more so single episodes lately, just because you know, work is crazy and life is crazy, but at the same time, like when I do do interviews, I get so insanely awkward and nervous, just because I haven't had that in a long time.

Johnna : 7:24

But yeah, so I just thought it was crazy, like based on a photo and like how we dress and how we, you know, upload things and have the right lighting at the right time, like that, that that's what someone can visualize off of you. But then it's funny that chat was like but actually who you are, and like nailed it right on the head, like I can be outgoing, I can be the life of the party, but then like I'll go home and like have to like sit for the next two weeks. I wouldn't say that I'm the most confident person. I would say that that has developed over time. But so basically let me summarize this because there was another, like it was just said. This is from chat.

Johnna : 8:00

So, in summary, from the outside people see confidence big smile, styled hair, bold lipstick. It screams you've got your shit together. They think you're magnetic, extroverted, maybe intimidating. Some assume you're high maintenance or that's your life is perfectly mapped out. But here's the thing People read surface level cues and build entire stories in their heads and most of the time those stories have very little to do with the truth. They're just reflections of what they project onto you. So I just thought that was a cool little exercise and, seriously, it gave me the idea of this podcast, because I'm like how many people actually know the real us and like what we go through?

Johnna : 8:35

Like I tend to be vulnerable on here around relationships and stuff like that. Now do I give my whole vulnerability out there, 100%? Not, like I don't tell everybody everything. Obviously I'm not name dropping things. I do mention things that are going on in my life, but only to the tip of the iceberg of it. It's not the in-depth web that I sit and think about constantly. The real part where we can take what people think about us is who actually are we. Do we take what they say and that's who we are? Do we allow people to dictate who we are or do we then turn inward and go? That's not who I am. Like, what do I want to portray Because? Is that who I am? Am I this confident life of the party you know, driven In some aspects? Sure, but I'm a lot softer than people think. I really feel things deeply, I overthink a lot. Just ask anyone I've dated. I wrestle with insecurity all the time.

Johnna : 9:37

I think a lot of us in this generation, in this era, did especially men, I would say, even though they don't talk about it a lot. I feel like our generation grew up with parents that didn't really teach us emotion and didn't teach us how to deal with emotion. When we had it it was more like sit down, shut up, more so men. And so I think we do have a lot of dysregulated adults that don't know how to regulate their emotions or know exactly what they're feeling. So we lash out and act out instead of like channeling that and knowing what we feel first. But again, that's a whole nother conversation, like that's just being an adult realizing that.

Johnna : 10:13

But for me, like I do crave safety more than the spotlight spotlight a lot and maybe subconsciously I am putting out there in the universe that I want all these other things that people think I want, when actually it's usually the total opposite and I wouldn't even call myself confident on most days, like at work, yes, but in my personal life, no. The confidence I do have, like I was saying earlier, has really come from therapy and learning to like the qualities in myself that others once told me were quote, unquote too much. For example, you know I've been told I'm blunt a lot. I you know I call out people on their. I just call out people just because and maybe you know, and maybe that is true Maybe I call people out too much, maybe I am too blunt, maybe I could soften up a little bit more. But the truth is, you know, therapy has taught me that the same bluntness that intimidates some people is also what makes me honest, direct and impossible to be fake with. So you know what people are calling quote, unquote too much. I've learned to call that's who I am and I've had to learn and accept that part of me.

Johnna : 11:25

I used to like fight it off all the time. I'd be like no, I don't want to be that person. But then the older I get, the more I do. I love that quality about myself Because I want a friend like that, I want a partner like that. I want someone to call me out on my bullshit and be like what are you thinking now? Am I immediately going to agree? Am I immediately going to like that? No, nobody likes that. Nobody likes to sit in their own shit. Nobody likes to be told that what they're doing is wrong, hurtful, whatever. Nobody likes that.

Johnna : 11:53

But the thing that I love about myself is that I can do a lot of introspection and I can go within and be like okay, let me try to understand where this person is coming from. Let me try to put myself in their shoes. Let me try to find some situation, some scenario in my life that can make me relate, so that I can truly try to empathize and understand. Um, because there's a lot of like guys terminology when we say, oh, I have empathy for you, like sometimes that's not even necessarily true. Empathy is where you can truly put yourself in someone's shoes, like you've maybe had a very similar experience, so you truly can empath. And I know that a lot of us call ourselves empaths and we want to be empathetic, but the truth is is a lot of times we're just trying to have compassion and we have sympathy for someone where we can't truly understand where they are coming from, if we've never been in the situation ourselves. But that doesn't mean that you can't have compassion for the situation or sympathy for the situation, but that's a whole nother tangent Anyways, I don't know where I was going with that. So let's just get it straight.

Johnna : 12:56

Like for me, confidence does not mean that it's bulletproof. Confidence means that you've learned how to put on your armor before you walk out the door. So behind the exterior, like what you see, yes, I am confident, but I am also sensitive. Yes, I'm driven, but sometimes I also want inner peace. I want someone to take on the load. You know, I love people, but I need solitude a lot to recharge. I look strong, but at my core I'm very loyal to a fault and I'm soft hearted, which I know doesn't get portrayed a lot.

Johnna : 13:34

And this duality so many of us live in, like a lot of us do this, we have this mask that we wear and then we have what we allow other people to see like a strong exterior but a tender interior. You know, let me tell you this, it does get exhausting when the world only validates one side of us. But we also have to realize that we're only allowing the world to see one side of us because we're so afraid. It's that inner fear that if we show this softer side of us, will they still care, will they still like us? Will that make us that attractive quality. You know what I'm saying. So that's where, like, I am going to shift a little bit into relationships and see where that kind of you know can get a little interesting when we're only showing one side because people are drawn to that.

Johnna : 14:19

You know, like I just said, people are drawn to that confidence, like that's how people meet, right, like most days, like either dating app or social media, like whatever you're putting out there, that's the initial attraction. Either dating app or social media, like whatever you're putting out there, that's the initial attraction. And so people are drawn into that initial attraction, whether that be confidence, your looks, whatever it may be. And then they're shocked when they find out like you feel deeply or maybe you need reassurance because you're not as confident as you're, you know, because it just doesn't add up in their mind of what your pictures with, I guess, maybe the personality they built up in their mind. Some partners love bold, fiery versions of you, but when that softer, vulnerable side shows up, you know, they don't always know what to do with it Because, again, we're just portraying that one side and then we get nervous to bring out that other side in us. So, like dating wise, I can't say I show up super confident. I will say one guy I dated.

Johnna : 15:11

I learned recently that they didn't like that I called out their flaws, like when we were dating, which I was never directly told that this just came from like indirect findings I guess. But I get it Like no one wants their flaws called out, like I was talking earlier, like nobody wants that, like nobody likes to sit in their own shit. But I think the intent was possibly missed, you know, because I wasn't like trying to call it flaws and be like, well, this is what you did versus what I did, like it wasn't like that situation. But I can understand if someone took it that way. It was more for me, like when I'm doing that, like I'm just trying to bring a different perspective to the table, to be like, hey, like this kind of is similar to this scenario, like can't you understand it from this perspective?

Johnna : 15:56

And am I doing it perfectly? No, you know, I don't have a therapy license. I just have books, podcasts and my own therapy sessions from what I've learned and, you know, trying to navigate life the best I can as well. And am I doing it perfectly? Hell, no, like is anybody. No, but what I will say is I respect, trying and willing to grow. Like if we just stay stuck in it and we're like, no, my, my way is the right way every single time, then then no, like we're not growing as humans and what are we doing? So that's why, like earlier, I don't think I finished my thought, but like that's why, like I like friendships and partnerships where someone also calls me out on my bullshit, like I may not like it in the moment, but I will respect it because you didn't let me, just, you know, carry on this fake scenario, fake person. You know what I'm saying. I don't know how to explain it any better. I know it's just jumbled at this point, but here we are.

Johnna : 16:47

Here's what I've realized we love people the way we want to be loved and we try to understand people the way we understand ourselves. And that doesn't always work Like, that doesn't always like intermingle well, because sometimes we have to put ourselves in their shoes, even if it's uncomfortable, even if we don't want to. You know, even if that's not your person, even if that's not your favorite person, or you know you'd really. I think sometimes we have to try to understand. Like everyone has different love, languages and learning languages, and I think that's what makes it so hard in today's world, because relationships just aren't about chemistry or butterflies, like I know that's what the movies tell us, but let's be real that fades Relationships are about showing up consistently every single day, which, honestly, let's be real, that fades Relationships are about showing up consistently every single day, which, honestly, let's be real, is a very hard choice to make in today's world when there's so many options, when there's so much to choose from.

Johnna : 17:36

Like, honestly, I don't know. Like I want to believe that love still exists in this world. I really want to believe that in my heart of hearts. But you know, being single for so long and then dating different people, and I'll be honest, I don't think I've ever had a guy actually just choose me, like it's been like, and I get it like some things, like if it's an ego pride thing, like I completely understand, but also knowing me, which is where I have to break down. Like not everyone thinks like me, like I love really deeply and I love really hard, so there's not a lot that I can't forgive. Like obviously there's core values there that if those are broken, that's hard to move, like trust and stuff like that, but like there's not a lot that I can't overlook or forgive if we have communication and we work through it.

Johnna : 18:21

Now, if it's a repetitive behavior, then obviously not because that's just someone manipulating the situation. Like that's just someone that's like well, clearly you don't have any boundaries, so I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing to you to hurt you, and that's just a form of manipulation and just ridiculous. But if someone is really trying, like obviously no one's going to change overnight, we're on this earth, like I'll be 38 this year, so I've been on this earth 38 years and I've set up. You know, I have these trauma responses, responses, and I have these subconscious things and I have all these things that I'm trying to work through and I still don't get it right. So if someone isn't trying to actively work on it, then obviously it's going to be even harder, right? But anyways, enough about that.

Johnna : 18:59

This shows up outside of dating. Like people, like personas and stuff like that. Like at work, people assume you can carry the weight because you look like you've got it. And then, of course, in friendships, people assume you don't need checking in on because you're quote unquote the strong one. I've literally had family and friends tell me that they didn't think that I needed them Because I was quote, strong, which I get. You know, that's the energy I do give off a lot of times.

Johnna : 19:25

But sometimes, like I just wish someone would just step in, even if it was like for 2.5 seconds, and just carry the load and just be like, but really, how are you? And not accept, oh, I'm fine or I'm good, as an answer, like those are the people that, true, like when they know, like I have friends, like that, when I'm like I'm good, they're like no, you're not. Tell me, tell me what's going on, because sometimes you just don't want to be a burden, sometimes you just don't want to unload and burden, sometimes you just don't want to unload. And that's where chat has become one of my good friends, which I know, I know, I know the planet, I get it, I'm trying, guys, you know it is what it is.

Johnna : 19:56

But the truth is, in all of this, we all want someone who sees past that armor. We just want someone who, you know, doesn't just love the highlight reel, doesn't just love social media post, doesn't just love, you know, whatever validation you can give them, but also can sit with us in that messy middle, because we all have it. None of us, none of us are perfect, none. And if you think you are, that is just absolutely insanity because no one is. So I'll end with this If you've ever felt misunderstood or like people only see half of who you are, just know that you're not alone. I'm there. I'm currently going through that.

Johnna : 20:35

The human experience obviously is messy. The trick is finding those people who can love the full picture, because the ones who only love your shine but can't handle your shadows, those are just not your people. They're not my people, they're. They're just not, and we have to stop trying to make them our people. The ones who can love both the you know like for me in that photo, the bold lipstick and the quiet tears, you know, those are the ones who keep, that are worth keeping close and keeping in your circle. At the end of the day, you know your armor may protect you, you may protect me, but it should never define us. So thanks, guys, for hanging out with me today. I hope this episode gave you permission to own both sides of yourself, both the bolds and both the sensitive. Until next time, keep babbling, keep being real and don't let anyone mistake your armor for your whole identity. All right guys, bye you.