Babbling About Why Having A Boyfriend Is Embarassing w/ Meenu

#198: Is it actually embarrassing to have a boyfriend or are we finally refusing to shrink our identities for a relationship status? We dive into the viral question with life coach MMeenu, exploring how women’s autonomy, financial power, and tighter social circles are changing what partnership needs to deliver. When independence is real and community is strong, the bar shifts from optics to value: emotional maturity, conflict repair, and shared vision.

We talk about the psychology behind keeping love offline, the difference between privacy and secrecy, and why public claims can feel risky in the age of screenshots and instant commentary. Soft launching isn’t coyness; it can be relationship hygiene, protecting something you care about from noise while it earns its footing. We also get honest about the honeymoon phase and brain chemistry, the routines that keep your identity steady, and the subtle ways “he completes me” plants dependence in your subconscious.

You’ll hear practical ways to test compatibility such as waiting a year, watching how both of you handle conflict, and checking whether your offline treatment matches any online narrative. For high-achieving women, we reframe the fear of “looking foolish” into a better metric: are you choosing a value exchange that adds to your life instead of consuming it? Post him or don’t, but make the choice from grounded confidence, not crowd pressure or timelines.

If you’ve ever wondered whether keeping your relationship private means you’re hiding—or if announcing it makes you vulnerable—you’ll leave with a clearer lens and tools to stay you while choosing love. Subscribe to Babble’s Nonsense and Transcend Into Wellness, then share this episode with a friend who swears they’ll soft launch forever. Your take: privacy, secrecy, or proud announcement? Tell us what feels right and why.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Question: Embarrassing?
• 3:00 From Man‑Centered To Self‑Centered Worth
• 6:30 Dating Failures And Public Embarrassment
• 11:20 Money, Autonomy, And Value Exchange
• 16:30 Is This Social Media Or Culture?
• 19:20 Why Publicly Claiming Feels Risky
• 20:34 [Ad] PodMatch
• 21:11 (Cont.) Why Publicly Claiming Feels Risky
• 25:06 Over‑Posting, Identity, And Balance
• 29:56 Privacy, Soft Launches, And Protection
• 35:36 Secret Vs Private: How To Tell
• 40:36 Keeping Your Identity While In Love
• 47:06 Honeymoon Chemistry And Reality
• 53:06 Conflict As A Character Reveal

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

What is up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babble's Nonsense podcast. We have Me New back today, and she is the host of Transcend into Wellness Podcast. And we are here to talk about the things that women are actually thinking but rarely saying out loud. Today we are diving into the viral conversation that has taken over the internet. And that is, is having a boyfriend embarrassing? We're breaking down why so many women feel cringe, hesitant, or straight up allergic to publicly claiming a man, especially in a world where independence is currency and your aura is apparently everything. We're going to talk culture, self-worth, soft launching versus hard launching, the psychology behind why we hide relationships, and whether this trend says more about men or about us. Of course, Min Yu is a life coach and she is here to help us unpack the deeper layers, the fear of embarrassment, the identity shift, the societal pressure, and what it really means when you'd rather put your dog than your man. Let's get into it. We are going to talk about our boyfriends embarrassing. So there has been a big popular Vogue article recently, trend all over TikTok about is having a boyfriend embarrassing. I personally hadn't seen it until me and you brought this up. So I was like, oh, interesting topic. And it's not what you think it is. It's not like saying men are embarrassing. It's talking about the woman perspective and how cultural norms are shifting from being man-centered into being self-centered, well, self-centered sound kind of sounds kind of bad. But like just kind of owning your own vibe, your own self. And do like, do we need to be classified as a couple and things like that? Wouldn't you agree, Minu?

SPEAKER_02: 2:07

Yes, completely. It's just, I think there was a significant period of time where women were only valuing themselves when there was a ring in the finger, when they actually had a partner when they were married. So it's just so interesting to see that shift collectively. And so this article couldn't have been at a better time. And obviously, it is not to like come at anyone that has a boyfriend or come at anyone that has a husband. Like I'm happily partnered now for many years. It's not about that at all. It's like what Jana said. It's like, how can we still respect ourselves and find our worth within ourselves instead of outside of us? That's like the whole summary of it.

SPEAKER_00: 2:43

And I don't have a boyfriend and haven't had one in some time, so I can't relate. So I'm just gonna ask a lot of questions. Okay.

SPEAKER_02: 2:52

For it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 2:52

All right. So, what do you feel is driving the trend of women saying having a boyfriend is quote unquote embarrassing?

SPEAKER_02: 3:01

I think for me, what I see in social media, and I'm not only gonna take social media into account, I also work with so many female clients uh that are partnered, that are single, that are married. I I've just talked to so many people at this point that I think what's driving this trend is so many things. I think, and I don't want to talk bad about men here, but I just think that collectively what is happening is women are evolving and growing rapidly, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. Not that men are not growing, a few of them are very connected and deeply connected to themselves and are growing too, but a lot of them aren't. So what's happening is they get into relationships, they start dating, and then things go sour so quickly. They tell their friends, they tell their family before that, and then it becomes kind of embarrassing for them because it didn't last, like nothing sticks, like they're not emotionally mature, they're not willing to meet us where we are. So this is collectively happening. I'm so sorry if you're a male and listening to this. Um, glad you're listening to our podcast. This is this is something that's collectively happening. Like even my boyfriend agrees with this, even though he's a man.

SPEAKER_00: 4:16

Clearly, this is a huge trend for Vogue to pick up the article and you know, which I'm not gonna lie, I didn't read the entire article. I had Chat GPT summarize it for me because when we when you talked about this topic, I was like, Oh, I haven't heard about it. Let me just get ChatGPT to summarize this for me. I do a lot of reading in my job. So I know my book club hates when I say that as an excuse for not reading the book, but I'm like, y'all have no idea I read like 12 hours a day. Anyways, um, I agree with everything you said. And then something I think, and I don't know if this is part of the Vogue article that I have kind of started like looking at. I've been in book club, we've been reading books from the past or history or whatnot. And we quickly forget that women's whole identity was a man not that long ago. Like I want to say, I know I've mentioned this on the podcast before. I want to say that women couldn't even divorce a man until the 1950s. And so you had to literally depend on a man's income or their name, their status to even survive in society. There was a um a book we read, it's called Um The Small But Mighty. And I hope I don't get any of these facts wrong, but I'm pretty pretty sure I probably will. There was a lady in the either the early 1900s or close to 1920s where her husband had passed away. And in that time, the state law was when the husband passed away, everything went to the state, not to the spouse. So the state came and took her house, her money, the bank accounts, everything, and she had to start all over from scratch.

SPEAKER_02: 5:47

That sounds very painful.

SPEAKER_00: 5:49

So I think that people forget that, that that wasn't that long ago. And so I think that now that we are getting, you know, more into the you know, years and whatnot, and it's 2022, 2025 or on the cusp of 2026, that people forget that women now have autonomy and we are making good money and we are able to do things and we're able to have babies later and things like that. So it I think it's just more like we can, and we are just now like realizing it.

SPEAKER_02: 6:18

Right. And I think another major thing that's happening is like you just said, women are making money. So I think that has changed, shifted things collectively on a huge level because that used to be one of the main factors why women depended on men. And so, women, if I'm a woman and I'm making a shit ton of money, and I can go to a sperm bank and get pregnant, you know, and I have like best friends around me. What has happened right now is, and I see this so much with again my clients, my girlfriends, like so many people around me, is they're starting to ask this question what value does he bring that I already don't have? Right. What is he bringing that I can't give to myself?

SPEAKER_00: 7:00

Right. And then I think that kind of spun off. And I don't know if it came from this, but have you seen on TikTok the trend where it's like the soft man era? Where it's like all these men are like, you're gonna pay for the meal and like tell like almost like gender-reversed roles, and like then you have these guys like kind of like making fun of that, saying, like, what is this soft man era? Like, just like you said, like, why would a woman date you when she can provide all that herself when you're not bringing any value to the table? Because it's not about status and money anymore, like it's not about like, oh my gosh, like who how much do you make? It's like I can I also make that, so like I don't need you to do that. And then I don't know, I haven't talked to I should probably we should we should get your boyfriend on here for real. And we should ask, like you know, back in the day it used to like men used to feel emasculated when the woman made more money or whatever. I wonder how like that trend is going now with society changes.

SPEAKER_02: 7:56

That's a really interesting thing. This is my take on it, and again, I have male clients too, but just a very small percentage of male clients, most of them are female clients. What I have seen with men is when they are secure in who they are and they are secure in the value that they bring, they have absolutely no problems when the woman is making more or as much as them, or is like multiple steps more successful than they are. I actually know these people. I have friends whose husbands are like that. I even know like husbands that are stay-at-home dads when their wives are making like a lot of money. So I think it all boils down to your self-concept. Like, what do you think about yourself? Are you secure in yourself, whether you're a male or female? Do you have that within yourself? And I feel like if you haven't done the work on that aspect, it's gonna be triggering when she's gonna be making more money.

SPEAKER_00: 8:47

Right, right, right. I was just curious because, like, I feel like all of this is kind of related in a way, like the TikTok trends and this article and stuff like that. I feel like it's all related because I have seen a lot of it on my algorithm. So, but do you feel that this is a real cultural shift or do you feel like it's more social media driven?

SPEAKER_02: 9:06

Okay, this is gonna be a controversial answer. I believe, again, my take um is social media picks up on what's happening in the collective.

SPEAKER_00: 9:16

Okay, that makes sense. I mean, it does.

SPEAKER_02: 9:19

Yes, so it's a big collective shift. And I've seen this happening in the last to be really specific, in the last two years. It was slowly starting to like shift there, but in the last two years, it started to shift there even more. And in the last one year, oh my god, it it's like almost people are waking up to a new reality or something like that.

SPEAKER_00: 9:40

Okay, that makes sense. Why do you feel that some women feel either like shame, cringy, or loss of power when they're publicly claiming a boyfriend? It and when I when I saw this, I was like, like, I don't see a lot of Facebook status relationships now. You know what I'm saying? Like back in the day, it was like, are you single, taken, married? It's complicated. Yeah, you know, like I have a lot of friends that I know are in happy relationships and they have no Facebook status at all.

SPEAKER_02: 10:08

Oh, yeah, I get it, girl. I and the reason is because, to be really honest, the rates of divorce and the breakups have gone up so much higher significantly compared to before, that women are starting to wake up to the reality that we don't even know if this is permanent. Like I could be in a happy relationship today, and tomorrow that may not happen. That's not even the thing, it's not even what's going on in your own mind. But think about the feeling that they have when they tell their friends that or tell their family, they're like saying, Oh, I'm dating this amazing man, oh, I'm engaged to this amazing man, and he does this and he does that. And then because of the rates that are so high in breakups and divorce, the the percentage is so high. So the probability is higher to go through a breakup or a divorce. So they just don't want to tell all their friends, celebrate, make a big deal, and change their status in social media, and then because that is embarrassing. Exactly, it is because and then you oh, I say I broke up and he broke up with me, or this happened. And then you know the worst part about that is you have to go and tell everybody. I mean, you don't have to, but if you want to, you will. But if you have a lot of friends, they're gonna come and ask you what happened. So you have to tell them the whole story. So it is embarrassing, especially when you didn't see it happen, when you didn't see it coming, you know, right.

SPEAKER_00: 11:30

Well, and I think it, yeah. And then it's like it's even more embarrassing to publicly share that. Like there's a lot of situationships. I'll say that I'm in a lot of situationships, and then if I'm updating my status, that's gonna be changing every other damn day. If you know, we're together, we're not together, we're together, and then people are gonna like then people are in your business and asking you, like, what are you doing? And then I'm nosy, I know my friends are nosy. If I see something like that, if I like if I see someone like take off their marriage thing, I'm like texting a friend that knows them, and I'm like, Hey, did you see this? So to me, that that that is where it becomes embarrassing. It's not actually having the boyfriend that's embarrassing, but it's like if you're in this situation or you're in the complicated whatever they are, and you're every other day changing your social status, that can be embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02: 12:19

Absolutely. You want to know what's embarrassing for me?

unknown: 12:23

What's that?

SPEAKER_02: 12:25

What's embarrassing for me is I cringe a little bit, and maybe this is something that I need to work on, is when I see people that center their marriage and relationship too much. When I open their social media feed and it's just lovey-dovey pictures everywhere, it's just pictures with the boyfriend everywhere. The stories are about it, it's about love, it's about this. And for me, and I'm not trying to be a pessimist, I'm I I I wouldn't consider, I think I'm an optimist, I don't think I'm a pessimist, but I'm also a realist in most of the situations. And when I see that, I just want to like shake you and be like, listen, you can have fun and your life is like so worthy with or without that. It doesn't have to just be about that.

SPEAKER_00: 13:12

Yeah, and I have I do have some friends like that. I have some friends that like if we're if it's a girl's night or something, or they'll be like, Can I bring my my husband or my boyfriend? I'm like, it's a girl's night. I'm like, no. Um so I do have some friends like that. And the one thing I'll take away that my aunt gave me advice about her husband died when he was in his 50s, my uncle, um, because he had he got esophageal cancer, something that you know you don't go into a marriage thinking is gonna happen. And she told me that she was so grateful that she did not center her life around that marriage. She loves her husband, she loved him like it was her best friend. It, you know, it devastated her. But she had a life outside of her marriage. She had best friends that she had traveled with and done things with. And she said those people were able to surround me and keep me afloat when you know one of the most tragic things happened in my life. And she said, had I not had that, had I just been so consumed in everything about him, she was like, How could I then reach out to my friend that I discarded 10 years ago because I only wanted to be around my husband?

SPEAKER_02: 14:16

Absolutely. And I think this is something that's so important to mention. And this it's timely that we're recording this podcast because I just had a girl's trip and I had gone to like Houston last weekend with two of my girl best friends. And uh one of my uh closest friends, she was like, Oh, I just had like an epiphany that the security that we have with each other is gonna be any day higher than the security we have with our significant other. And we couldn't help but say yes, because that is the reality these days, right? It's not that there's no security, it's not that you know we don't love them or we don't care for them or we don't we don't trust them, but we live in that day and age where that is not there. So if you're putting all your eggs in one basket, and when I say all your eggs in one basket meaning a man in this situation, what's gonna happen if the man disappears? What's gonna happen if he leaves, if he break up, breaks up with you, or if he dies in the situation like you said, you have no tools, you have not equipped yourself with anything to regulate yourself, to feel good just by yourself without that person.

SPEAKER_00: 15:22

Right. No, I I kind of like you know, I'm actually talking about this in therapy now, and this has like not that I'm in a relationship. Um, but I had tendencies of doing that. Not that I would like not hang out with my friends and stuff because I still would, but I had tendencies of losing who I was when I really liked someone because I was so afraid that if I did something wrong, they'd be mad, whatever. And I realized like then you don't like when that ends, what do you have then to self-regulate? Because if you've lost yourself, you don't know, you no longer know what makes you happy.

SPEAKER_02: 15:58

1000%. And I am very against when somebody says, especially when a client, and you know, I'm pretty frank in my style of coaching. And if they say he completes me, I will say, you know, I'm so happy for you that you found joy and love in your life. I will never take that away from you. But I would also like invite you into reframing that because what that does for you in your subconscious mind is it tells you that you are not complete without that person, right?

SPEAKER_00: 16:25

Correct.

SPEAKER_02: 16:26

That internal cultural belief or whatever familial belief that you have. So it's not healthy to even like say these things anymore. And you know, another thing that I've been noticing with women is a lot of them are becoming more cautious and they're only announcing their relationships than they get engaged.

SPEAKER_00: 16:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what I was gonna talk to you about next. So, like, you know, there's this whole social social media trend on the quote unquote soft launch of a boyfriend. Um, like the it'll be like, you know, like a pitch, like a picture with her arm extended and the like the boyfriend's got his face away from the camera and his hands holding her hand, or maybe the boyfriend's holding the phone with his hand out, like touching her shoulder or something, you know, just a very like so it's the girls are letting the world know, hey, I'm taken, but I'm not letting you know who my man is because we know how y'all bitches be on social media. What do you think about that? Do you like, do you think that's more of a a a self-protection of the relationship, or do you think that's more of a my boyfriend's embarrassing and I don't want to show him?

SPEAKER_02: 17:29

I think it's uh both. For example, I have never like completely launched, you know, my person on social media. And it comes from a perspective of it is none of y'all's business to know like really, truly and kindly, not like arrogantly, not not that I'm not telling you, oh, he's great or I'm great. No, no, no. It's just you know, when you care about certain things, you want to protect it. Yeah. And it comes from that place.

SPEAKER_00: 17:55

And I I agree. Like, I used to be like, but I just, you know, I want this to like be seen or whatever. But the older I get, I think the more I'm learning to respect, like, even like when we've talked in our sessions and how I would vent to my friends about, you know, me being mad or something, I'm starting to learn like that's not even respectful of the relationship, and that's not protecting your peace because we vent about bad things most of the time. I'm we're typically not, you're not coming up to me and going, oh my gosh, let me tell you what my boyfriend did last night and how sweet he was. You're like, we're not doing that as friends. I don't know why the human brain does that. We don't, and we don't do it like we just don't do it with anybody. We don't talk about the positives in someone else. And so I'm learning to do that myself. And like, even when it's venting, like, no, you don't have to go vent to no one, deal with it, you know, self-frigidant.

SPEAKER_02: 18:48

Yeah, and you know what else happens with venting? It's like they'll come and vent to you so horribly to a point where they're almost contemplating a breakup and how miserable they are, and then they'll go make up with their boyfriend or husband or partner, and then you are left sitting with whatever they, you know, told you about. And so your impression of the partner now has forever like changed. Right. So it's, I mean, it takes maturity, like it took me immense training and maturity to not take it personal when somebody is venting to me. Yes, because immediately I would get like really, I would be like, wait, girl, you just told me all these horrible things, and you've made up with him immediately, like without even talking about these issues, without going in therapy, without fixing these things. You just immediately said okay. And so I would get like really anxious for them and I would start overthinking for them. And then now I'm at a place where I don't take it personally, even when somebody rents, and I'm just like a safe space, and I just ask questions and I'm not expecting them to do anything. So it it took me a while to get to that place, but sometimes it can be a lot when they're renting to you and then going back and getting back together with them, and it's just changed so quickly.

SPEAKER_00: 20:00

And yeah, and then speaking of like all this social media stuff, like the soft launch and the girls no longer like posting their boyfriends all the time, and you know, this the Facebook statuses, do you feel like maybe women are taking a page out of the men's playbook where men tend to keep relationships more private and we're just like, you know what, maybe that was a good thing that men do. But then also on the flip side of that, how do you discern if someone is keeping you a secret versus just wanting the relationship to stay private?

SPEAKER_02: 21:05

Oh, that's a good one. You know, I if you asked me that, I don't think that women are actively thinking, let's take a page out of men's playbook. I don't think it comes from that angle or that perspective. I just truly see and believe because of me talking to so many people every day, is it does come from the perspective of the amount of failure and the rates of failure is so freaking high. So it's not to embarrass themselves because they post it and then they take down all the pictures. Yeah, some of them might DM you and be like, hey girl, what happened? Yep, you're right, you're right. You were so happy. Well, and then it takes tremendous, and this is the thing. I like if I was on the other end of that and I had a lot of pictures and I took it down, and if somebody asked me, I don't think I would be embarrassed to explain what happened. But it still takes tremendous amount of strength to own it and be like, this is what happened, this is what happened, this is what happened, and I'm okay that I posted this, I'm also okay that I took it down. It takes a lot of self-worth and strength and emotional regulation to even be able to say that to someone. So I truly believe it doesn't come from that playbook. It is just that women are waking up to reality.

SPEAKER_00: 22:22

Well, how can someone then like learn their own identity or feel confident in their own identity without getting swallowed up into the relationship? How can someone work on that? You know, because I know like we've talked before on other podcasts where you say that you don't feel that someone has to leave a relationship to work on themselves and things like that. You say it can be done in the relationship. Absolutely. So how can a woman then work on like yielding to their identity, holding strong in it without quote unquote feeling embarrassed by their relationship?

SPEAKER_02: 22:59

So I guess I guess you asked me two different questions here.

SPEAKER_00: 23:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 23:02

Okay, so I think the first question was more how do you how do you do the work when you're still in a relationship, correct? Can I answer that?

SPEAKER_00: 23:11

Yeah, like, yeah, like more on yourself though, like like holding on to your identity without becoming a different identity within a relationship, like without becoming one of those women that, you know, their whole identity is I'm just a mom or I'm just a wife, but no, you're so much more than that. You are an entrepreneur, you're a you know, a healthcare provider, you're you're you're a fitness queen, you know, you're so much more than just identifying with that relationship.

unknown: 23:38

Right.

SPEAKER_02: 23:38

Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I would uh totally reflect on your life before you met this person, before you got married, before you were a mom, before you were a girlfriend. Like, what are the things that you did which filled your cup and ask your question, ask yourself a question? Am I still doing these things while I am with this person? If you fall back on your workouts, if you've fallen back on self-care, if you've fallen back on girls' night, you're no longer meeting your friends that much, you're no longer, you know, meditating. You are not doing the things that used to keep you sane, that used to fill your cup, but you're saying, Oh my god, I'm in a relationship and I'm so freaking happy. He makes me so happy, he gives me everything. Well, I'm happy for you. I'm really happy for you.

SPEAKER_00: 24:24

The words you just said, he makes me happy.

SPEAKER_02: 24:26

Exactly. But what happens when the he is gone? Then you're left by yourself with a hole in your heart and a wound in your heart. Because guess what you did? You fell off. You stopped your workout, you stopped your inner work, you stopped your meditation, you stopped hanging out with your girlfriends. So now you're left with that hole and that wounding because guess what? You will let somebody else fill it for you when you should have been doing that work yourself by yourself, with or without the man. You have to do it, even when you're dating. And let me tell you guys this. This is cringy, but I'm gonna admit it because I'm just gonna be vulnerable. I used to be that girl. Me too. I used to be in my teens, I used to be super, super male-centric. I used to center men because I come from that culture. I come from that conditioning. It's extremely deep rooted in my culture and in my conditioning that a man has to be served. Like, oh, you serve the man, like you treat him like a king. It's not the other way around. It was never thought that, oh, a man treats you like a queen, like you need to accept that. That needs to be your self-concept. Never, never. It was always the other way around. So I used to be that girl, and then I have lost myself so much, so much in relationships, right? Where to a point where when something happens, when we're having a fight or when we're having a break or a breakup happens, I am left alone by myself. And it's very painful. It's so painful wondering, oh my God, I am so lost. Who am I? Right. I've been in that position a few times, and that was so painful. So I made a decision in my mid-20s. I'm not gonna do this to myself.

SPEAKER_00: 26:02

No, I yeah, I get it. And I and all that to say, like, I feel like there's a balance, right? Like, we're not telling you to go out here and be in and be like screwmen, FM, you know, we don't need them. We're not saying there's a balance in staying, I guess what I was trying to say earlier, staying rooted in who you are while also simultaneously having a healthy, happy relationship.

SPEAKER_02: 26:23

1000%. And then a moment of like empathy, also that I want to offer for the women listening to this. When you get into a relationship, when you have this new love, when you have this like new marriage and things like that, there is so much chemicals that are going on. There's dopamine, there's serotonin, there's oxytocin. You are flooded with these happy hormones. So when you are flooded with these happy hormones, you naturally tend to believe that, oh my God, this is wonderful, this is beautiful. I don't need to be doing anything other than just being in this happy bubble. I don't need to be doing the workout, I don't need to meditate, I'm already happy, I'm already fixed. And that happens, and then you have to retrain yourself because let me tell you, the chemicals do not last. Yeah, they don't last. Yeah, in a relationship, there is this thing called honeymoon phase. That's why we call it the first three months is when the first mask falls off with both parties. In the first in the first six months, the second mask falls off, and then after one year, it actually takes one year for the honeymoon to fade out completely and for you to see your real selves. And this is why I tell my female clients over and over and over again do not get engaged before that one year mark.

SPEAKER_00: 27:40

Yeah, don't do it.

SPEAKER_02: 27:41

I don't care how much you love him, don't do it.

SPEAKER_00: 27:44

Well, they and they even say like you don't truly know someone until you live with them.

SPEAKER_02: 27:48

1000%.

SPEAKER_00: 27:49

You know, that that's what they tell me. I don't know. I've never lived with a man.

SPEAKER_02: 27:53

I mean 1000% you don't know them because you're not dealing with everything, you're not dealing with their bad days, their bad moments. Think about it this way. If y'all are in your own respective houses and you're y'all are meeting each other like two times or three times a week, y'all are meeting each other in in a happy state. You all want to only show the best parts of yourselves, right? So, where do you where do you see the negative parts? Where do you see when he's sulky when the internet is really slow? That was that was like a joke for a long time. Like, put a man where with a very slow internet and test to see how he handles it, like whether he's patient. That was that was such a such a big joke, um, you know, in the internet. But you just don't know a lot of things, right? And I will always say have a couple of fights, not that you start a fight, I'm not trying to say, but wait for a couple of conflicts and differences to arise and then see how conflict management is handled in the relationship.

SPEAKER_00: 28:49

Yeah, like I think I sent you a TikTok and you um I think earlier, and it was like the lady was basically saying, Um, how wait until you see someone handles conflict and that's who they truly are.

SPEAKER_02: 29:01

One thousand percent.

SPEAKER_00: 29:02

Like if someone's gonna shut down, walk away, not want to communicate, that's who they are. If the other person's like willing to communicate, you know, talk through it, then that's who they are.

SPEAKER_02: 29:13

One thousand percent. I mean, not to go beat around the bush and talk about all this guys, but this is kind of relevant. Yeah. Article, this is kind of relevant to relationship, this is relevant to love. You know, that's why we're like going deeper, not just talking about the surface of the article, but going deeper into relationships these days.

SPEAKER_00: 29:30

And on the flip side of that, like I know you work with a lot of powerful clients, clients that make, you know, a lot of money and things like that. So, what would you say the reason for like the quote unquote powerful women are so afraid of quote unquote looking stupid in a public relationship?

SPEAKER_02: 29:48

Can you reframe that question a little bit?

SPEAKER_00: 29:50

I'm trying so, like, I feel like we just talked about how to keep your identity and stuff like that in a relationship. But I feel like someone who already knows their identity, they're rooted in their identity, they're a very powerful woman, whether they're a CEO of Fortune 500 company, you know, they're a celebrity, they're making millions of dollars. How did those women who are so rooted in who they are get into a relationship? Because I feel like those women more are so like, I don't want to be embarrassed by somebody who's either not on my status or not on my wavelength or you know, doesn't carry what I carry. You know, does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02: 30:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. I would say it again kind. comes down to your self-worth. Are you taking your relationship and deciding that your relationship dictates your worth? You see what I'm trying to say here? Yeah. It's it's and we used to do this um time like for decades, which is sometimes we will marry up and we will date somebody that makes more because of the weight that it carries in the society. Right. Now what's happening, women are making more money, women are also making money as much as men are. So what it comes, what it has come, what it comes down to is value exchange. It's not just oh he makes more money I'm more powerful. I make more he makes less it comes to more of a value exchange. So I actually believe that women that are that powerful like you said are already rooted know who they are they don't get with men for money. They are getting with men for value.

SPEAKER_00: 31:27

Right. Giving me something that I already don't have. And so you think it may be a little easier for them because they don't they're not looking for status or anything they already have it all. Yes.

SPEAKER_02: 31:37

I would say it is this is the thing right we can talk about it like a debate right it's like it's easier and it's harder. Yeah the reason I say it's harder is because intimidating that's exactly it it's going to be intimidating for the man. So if a man is not secure enough in his own skin he's always going to feel oh my God she's so successful she might leave me. I'm not making that much I'm not you know that good looking whatever whatever whatever runs in their minds. So again it's easy but it's also difficult in a in another level.

SPEAKER_00: 32:08

Right. With that being said how can someone know if they're truly embarrassed because of their partner or because of social expectations I feel like maybe someone's not posting their relationship because people have opinions. This world is not afraid to put their opinion on any and everything. Oh my gosh, you're back with them. Why would you do that? Who you know and so it's like it's almost like you're already inviting the world like we're not like I wouldn't say like yes we're content creators yes in our own cities people know us when we walk around because of what we do but we're not on the level of like you know reality stars and stuff like that. But I've heard like interviews and stuff podcasts with reality stars after they've gone on like Love Island or whatever it may be. And then they come off it's like the one thing they all say is I did not realize how much hate you know for no reason. You don't even know me. You don't even know this but how much hate like look when people come off of Love Island and they're coupled up or whatever people are like y'all aren't gonna last that's fake that ain't real and like everyone wants to offer their opinion on that relationship that they truly don't know anything about that's very true.

SPEAKER_02: 33:22

And this is what I'll say about that right if you don't have a thick skin if you don't feel protected by yourself in your energy don't do it. Don't do it. It's not to avoid people it's not oh I'm so scared what they'll say it's not that it's just like I said you protect what you love. You know you are just more cautious you're just more conscious and you're like is it necessary for me to like make this public is it necessary for me to broadcast this and I would even check in with yourself and ask why do I want to broadcast it? Am I looking for validation? Am I looking for likes? Am I looking for comments? Because now that's a deeper thing. Right. And if you're looking for that then are you not secure enough in your relationship? Don't you just feel good enough the way you both are without publicizing it.

SPEAKER_00: 34:10

Right. And going back to something I just remembered now that you said that earlier like we as women when men do this to us like when men are like they're not posting or whatnot, we automatically in our mind well maybe not all of us but some of us automatically assume well why do you want to keep us a secret? Is there somebody else you want to see? Is there somebody else you want to date? But on the flip side of that we're doing it and men aren't going, well why don't you want to post us? Is there another man out there? Do you want somebody in your DMs? I do genuinely think that is a part of it sometimes and not I'm not saying for women but like how do you know how that I think we got off topic earlier when I asked how do you discern whether you're a man or a woman if someone's not posting you out of quote unquote embarrassment, out of I don't want nobody to know we're dating because I got a side chick on the side and I don't want them to know like how do you know when someone's truly doing it for this sacrifice of the relationship versus their identity versus the safety versus I want to still hook up with other people.

SPEAKER_02: 35:09

Right. I would really observe if you're a woman and listening to this and if a man is not posting you and again there is no right or wrong here I would observe how he treats you in public. How is he treating you when you go to places where his friends are and your friends are is he treating you like you're his woman is he showing you off is he affectionate is he showing that not physically but you know is he even showing that he loves you or cares for you because there's embarrassment in posting you and if there's secrecy in posting you then that energy is actually going to be shown in other places where there are other people publicly right so that's a very good way to find out if you know is he really embarrassed of you is he dating someone else like and I'm not again I'm not telling you to be toxic and you know go and check his DMs and go and check his messages the energy like women have this gift of heightened intuition for a reason. We call it women's intuition for a reason. Yeah I think when you don't trust that and when you're blindly believing everything that's when you get into trouble. So my answer is going to be a little complicated I will never say oh he has to post you oh he shouldn't have shouldn't post you because again social media is a huge validation platform for me that's what I believe.

SPEAKER_00: 36:25

Yeah um so he can or he can't but watch his energy see how he treats you around other people and around his friends around your friends watch that closely and then you will be able to like find out I also do think there is a subtle difference you know with women posting that they are taken they may not be posting the full photo of their man they may you know like I said they may be posting just a hand or something here or there. I think that is showing like other men like that maybe scrolling their page I am taken I'm just keeping my relationship private. Whereas if someone's saying nah I'm not posting anything at all and it makes them look completely single. I think there is a a subtle difference there. I don't think it's a double standard and I know someone's probably gonna say that that that's a double standard that women can do that and men can't but I think there's two different agendas with it.

SPEAKER_02: 37:19

Um that's just my personal belief kind of say that right uh men generally I've noticed don't post women that much because they also don't want other men staring at them they don't want other men looking at oh my gosh she's a bombshell look at her like and you know how men visualize like men think about it they picture the woman in their heads and they do so right and so I've noticed and I've actually talked to men before in before all this happened is they are protective in those aspects because they don't want to like publicly put their woman out because they're not protective of right women and the looks and her her as a human.

SPEAKER_00: 38:00

I just don't this may be off topic but may it may be related I also sometimes the quote unquote embarrassment like what when people so like if I post a guy and I tag him in it we all know the people swirling the page are clicking on the photo go into the tag go into his photo looking at his photo go into the people who liked his photo then go into those people's photo and seeing if he's like it and you know I'm saying like and seeing oh now your man I've just done the whole investigation I just saw that your man has liked 20,000 blondes photos you don't even have blonde hair yep embarrassed yep it is then they go to the followers who is he following oh 2000 OnlyFans 2000 you know supermodels 2000 you know oh that's embarrassing it is so I think a lot of it too is women are super investigators like we all should be FBI agents. I know we don't even understand why men haven't still caught on to that like still haven't caught on to that like they still do it yeah they do do you remember this is way off topic back in the day when Facebook and Instagram used to tell you when it would say I was so absolutely working mean you liked this photo mean you commented on this person's photo that was the absolute best because you couldn't do shit without your other partner knowing about it. And then it would alert like if you were if we were friends it would alert me mean you mean you liked yes that's so true and it'll also say who you're you followed it's it's bad.

SPEAKER_02: 39:34

It would just say but I think I guess the algorithm or the internet Instagram oh I think people were getting caught cheating all the time and I think they had to take it away it was like bloodshed it was literally like war right right changed the features because you're saying too much people know too much now it's it's no longer a secret. So absolutely like that was an era which was wild.

SPEAKER_00: 39:58

Wild wild so if y'all are younger than that it was wild in these streets but getting back on topic why do you feel that some women feel embarrassed to even admit that they are liking someone or that they want a relationship there is a lot of reasons about it.

SPEAKER_02: 40:17

I have noticed this with a group of women that are single actually coached a client on this it's funny you're asking me this a couple weeks ago uh is that she said that she has four single friends they hang out all the time and she started liking this man and so she doesn't want to tell them because it's like they're gonna be like coyotes not in terms of oh I want that man too not like that but almost like are you sure you like him? Why do you think you like him? And asking too many questions almost pressurizing her and forcing her to unlike him and not in a malicious way but because they valued the single friend so much they valued the girlfriend so much and now suddenly one of them is going to go and be in a relationship it threatens them to some degree because the dynamic is changing. So they also hide that because they don't want the dynamic to change and they don't want to be attacked or questioned or interrogated by their own girlfriend. So sometimes they don't they don't do that.

SPEAKER_00: 41:19

I think that's so that is so true. When you said that I was like yeah that is so true. Well like for example I'm not saying any of my friends do that to me but I've been single for a really long time so I can see like I I'm thinking of a few like personalities of my friends that would be like we don't want that for you we don't want that for you.

SPEAKER_02: 41:37

But I do have a couple more questions to kind of wrap this up but then I want to ask you some rapid fire some funny questions about embarrassments and just relationships in general so if a woman does feel embarrassed to have a boyfriend what questions do you think she needs to ask herself to understand why she's feeling embarrassed are you embarrassed because of your friends are you embarrassed because of how society might judge you are you embarrassed because you want to post on social media and you're afraid of the comments and what people are going to say are you embarrassed for your own values or because it violates your own values and you wanted to be single and now you have a boyfriend? Or are you embarrassed because of external validation or unvalidation or non-validation whatever you call it like external criticisms of you having a boyfriend. So those are like the really important things.

SPEAKER_00: 42:30

Okay and how can we shift the narrative from quote unquote embarrassing to intentional when it comes to relationships I really feel that you have to ask yourself if you're ready.

SPEAKER_02: 42:49

If you're not ready truly ready and you get into it for uh societal reasons again oh I'm touching 30 or I'm touching 35 I need to get into it. All my friends are now committed in a relationship and marriage so I need to get into it. I think those things can avoid the embarrassment and turn it more intentional because if you are not ready and you're doing it for other reasons outside of you it is going to be embarrassing at some point because you're not an integrity you're not intentional.

SPEAKER_00: 43:17

I agree and the biggest question of all for this podcast is do you feel like having a boyfriend is embarrassing? Not at all. Me either me either and I know guys it sounded like we were feeling that way throughout this podcast but we we both don't feel that way. We just thought it was a very interesting topic.

SPEAKER_02: 43:36

It is such an interesting topic guys that Vogue British released an article this is what I'm talking about. Like Vogue is one of the leading magazines in the world and if Vogue is releasing such an article that means we need to understand how much of a collective shift is happening with women these days. That is more of the podcast topic than saying oh this is embarrassing this is good this is bad. We are just wanting to talk to you guys about how much the world is shifting how much the collective is shifting how much women are seeing things for what they are and not roast into glasses anymore.

SPEAKER_00: 44:08

And I don't think they truly meant like embarrassing I think that was just a kind of a clickbait title and to kind of be like what is having a boyfriend embarrassing and then when you read it it's more talking about like what we were talking about the collective shift of how women don't feel that they need this unless it truly is bringing something you've got to be bringing something you got to be bringing pretty much 150% at this point to be internal.

SPEAKER_02: 44:33

This is so uh this is also a trend and again I'm not trying to say this about every man. This I'm just talking about a trend so don't come at me is uh what women are saying now which is also going viral which is following the collective is um and what do they say about this a very good man is an average woman I haven't heard that but now it's probably gonna be all over my TikTok. Yes a very good man is an average woman because this is another thing that I talked to some of my girlfriends about and uh this was a couple years ago when we were having a conversation and one of my girlfriends was saying that I give her and I'm not toting my hon at all this is a real conversation that happened she said I give her more comfort more emotional support and more uh validation than her husband does and that's sad.

SPEAKER_00: 45:30

It is it is but and that you know now that you like I've had conversations with people that I've been in situationships or wanted to date and my whole thing is is I'm not I'm looking for my best friend and that is very hard to find like exactly I want someone that I can depend on that I can talk to that I can vent to that I can feel safe in a safe space and I understand that there's going to be arguments and I understand that there's going to be fights but I want someone who I can feel safe with that's not going to run away when times are just a little too hard and someone who it's a it's you know this because you've been in a relationship for it is literally you have to wake up every day and say I choose this person.

SPEAKER_02: 46:08

Exactly and this is I mean to sum it up guys one thing I will say is like love is a choice love is not a feeling a lot of us think love is a feeling oh when the feeling fades love disappears well I'm sorry you haven't made a choice to love that person like I said the chemicals will die down. I don't know I can like put it in a big mic and like explode it all over the world don't get with someone just because it feels good. No no no look at actual values are you really compatible? Do you guys want the same things and also coming back to the point before I sum it all up is are you doing the things um you used to do when you were single like are you in a relationship or married right now and still honoring those self-care things? Are you still going to the gym? Are you still taking care of yourself even though you're with a man and not just giving it all up because you're with the man and he fills your cup or he completes you like so that is a very big enquiry that I just want to want you guys to just think about after you know listening to this.

SPEAKER_00: 47:05

All right so I have a few rapid fires and some are going to be different some are going to be multiple choice some are going to be would you rather okay say the first thing that comes to your mind. All right hard launch soft launch or don't even tag me I have to laugh before I answer this okay my answer is soft launch and don't even tag me. Same um what's more embarrassing a boyfriend or matching Christmas pajamas? Ooh I'm kidding matching Christmas pajamas okay would you rather a boyfriend or unlimited solo vacations ooh I'm gonna give you a mixed answer boyfriend with vacations and solo vacations you can't do that you gotta pick one or the other but okay I'll give it to you I have to pick one or the other unlimited solo vacations okay if a man posts you first do you a celebrate b panic c assume he's cheating that's too funny none of the above okay all right red flag you would ignore because he smells good you're you cannot do this to me because that's my Achilles heel I can't do that what red flag would you ignore if he just smelled really good if he smelled really good i would ignore his taste in music what's more terrifying meeting his mom or letting him follow you on TikTok at this point letting follow me on TikTok same same same like let me meet your mom all day please do not follow me on TikTok um if he asks quote unquote what are we do you a run b pretend you didn't hear it C open a Google document open a Google document what's more embarrassing saying my boyfriend or admitting you still reply with W Y D I'm gonna say W W Y D I was gonna yeah I don't think anybody's doing that anymore yeah yeah okay more likely to end the relationship or which one of these scenarios are you more likely to end the relationship he posts a cringy caption he claps when the plane lands he uses chat snapchat in 2025 oh Snapchat I just women can men can't and I know that's a double standard I Snapchat my best friend all the time but it's different for women because we ain't cheating on you I'm sorry guys it is just the I'm so sorry for this double standard but it's the reality it's just all right is having a boyfriend embarrassing or is it just your taste in men? It is your taste in men I know she was talking to me about that but anyways worst thing a man can say when soft launching you this one she cool my friend oh my god wait wait soft launching you so yeah like if the guy is soft launching you which one is the worst they can put as a caption this one she cool my friend oh my friend yeah my friend no no girl wants to be called their friend that no if men come with return policies how many days would you need wow I like to feel it out and see how things go so I would say 60. Okay I'm gonna give them a 30 day no I'm just kidding I clearly give 150,000 days before I throw it back one thing your boyfriend can do in public that would immediately make you pretend you don't know him oh god oh god um this is this rapid fire is hard this is not rapid fire okay we'll skip because we don't want to hurt your boyfriend's feelings because I really like him all right would you rather date a man who doesn't take pictures or a man who takes too many pictures a man that doesn't take pictures if a man too many pictures yeah it's a lot if a man asks so what are we do you a pretend the call dropped B fake your own death or C say I don't do labels unless they're designer C what's more humiliating posting your boyfriend or realizing he posted you without the without a filter he wouldn't even use on his car I'm so dead I guess I guess the second one. Right I know like they do be posting the most like worse photos of you like you're like men just don't even understand. Yeah all right so I got a couple more worst thing a man can do in public that makes you say nah I'm single loud sneezing running with his backpack bouncing ordering a frappuccino or tripping over nothing tripping over nothing I do that all the time my shoes get stuck on the ground if your boyfriend hard launches you before you're ready is that a a green flag b a red flag c immediate jail time just like run like run immediately that's my answer be honest do you want a boyfriend or just someone tall you can stand next to in a photo that's too funny. I want a boyfriend okay um let's see if we don't have a boyfriend so I guess if your boyfriend said we should start a couple's TikTok are you ending things or calling the police that's too funny just calling the police all right let's see if he says I don't want to take pictures do you assume he's cheating he's hiding his face or he's just ugly from certain angles oh my god these are funny funny funny ones I don't know where you found this is incredibly funny I think it's hiding um all right let's see I want to see if I want to I'm gonna try to pick between these two and then it'll be our last one okay this one was right up your alley does your aura drop when you're in a relationship or does it drop specifically when you pick wrong when you pick wrong all right so that is that on the rapid fire. Amazing this was fun obviously guys please don't take it personal this was a funny rapid fire okay it was joke right and we again like we said caveat we were not saying anybody's boyfriend's embarrassing mean you has a great boyfriend I've met him he's wonderful and I obviously want a boyfriend so we're not saying that that is embarrassing we are just talking about the article and saying what from our perspective what we thought you know it meant based on trends based on Minu's coaching and based on my curiosity in the world.

SPEAKER_02: 54:01

Absolutely and I really I just love your brain you're so curious and I just love it.

SPEAKER_00: 54:05

So thanks for all the amazing questions and thank you so much guys for tuning in and listening to our um babble babbling and we will be back hopefully before the holidays because we want to put out a holiday survival guide to help you guys get through the holidays because with the climate you know social media politics all the things we know it can be very difficult with family members friends significant others around the holidays so we want to try to get together a guide so that we can get that out to y'all before the holidays but all right guys that wraps up today's episode on whether having a boyfriend is the new walk of shame if there's one thing to take away it's this your relationship status should never shrink your identity your power or your sense of self post him don't post him that's obviously your choice but make sure it's coming from confidence not fear and a huge thank you to Me You for diving into the psychology the humor and the real talk behind this trend and as always guys make sure you subscribe to both our podcast that's Babble's nonsense and trends and into wellness share this with a friend who swears they're going to stop launch forever and we'll see you in the next episode. Bye for the eye