The No-Meltdown Holiday Survival Guide w/ Meenu

#199: Holiday gatherings can be beautiful and brutal at the same time, and that’s exactly where we spend our time: the messy middle. We unpack a practical, compassionate playbook for handling family dynamics, nosy questions, culture clashes, and the emotional whiplash of going from work mode to “be festive now.”

We start with a smarter runway into the season: how to preload gratitude, rest, and realistic expectations so you’re not forcing cheer the morning of. From there, we explore the power of duality—holding grief and joy in the same room—and simple ways to honor a loved one who’s gone without letting the entire day collapse into sadness. Meeting a partner’s family for the first time? We talk about releasing comparisons so different traditions, food, and communication styles don’t feel like personal slights.

Boundaries are the backbone of peace, so we share clear scripts for when relatives pry about dating, marriage, fertility, money, or your body, plus the best respectful exit line when someone keeps pushing. You’ll also learn how to own your triggers before you arrive, why that reduces reactivity, and how to regulate in the moment with quick grounding: feet on the floor, ten slow breaths, and a calm tone that defuses heat. For those navigating loneliness—shared custody, single seasons, or timelines that haven’t panned out—we reframe stories that create suffering and show you how to turn empty hours into care, connection, or genuine rest.

This is a warm, real, and useful guide for anyone who wants a saner holiday. If you found it helpful, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a pregame pep talk, and leave a quick review to help others find us. What boundary or reframe are you trying first?

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Holiday Survival Theme
• 1:51 Thanksgiving Plans And Cultural Context
• 5:13 Gratitude, Slowing Down, And Prepping Early
• 8:43 Reframing Triggers And Finding Positives
• 9:04 [Ad] PodMatch
• 9:41 (Cont.) Reframing Triggers And Finding Positives
• 14:32 Meeting Partner’s Family And Honoring Grief
• 19:33 Expecting Conflict And Protecting Your Energy
• 24:27 Naming Triggers, Boundaries, And Exiting Gracefully
• 28:54 Grounding Techniques For Heated Moments
• 31:34 Holiday Loneliness, Timelines, And Reframing
• 36:21 Blended Families, Polarity, And Nontraditional Joy
• 39:59 Rapid-Fire Holiday Humor
• 49:12 Closing Wishes And Takeaways

Transcript

SPEAKER_03: 0:00

All right, guys, welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast, and we are joined by Mean You, who is the host of Trans and Into Wellness Podcast. And we feel that our podcasts are for people who love their families, but also need a pregame speech before stepping into the holiday chaos. Today we are talking about something every therapist and life coach gets booked solid for this time of year, and that's surviving the holidays with your family without losing your sanity, dignity, or blood pressure medications. Because let's be honest, the holidays are about peace, but they're also about navigating old dynamics, dodging invasive questions, pretending not to hear passive aggressive comments, and hoping your boundaries hold up better than the mashed potatoes. This episode is your holiday survival guide, a mix of psychology, boundaries, emotional prep, and grounding techniques that you can use when your aunt starts asking why you're still single or your cousin brings up politics before the dinner rolls even hit the table. So grab a snack, take a deep breath, and get ready to reclaim your peace during the most chaotic season of the year. We wanted to give a little, well, she is going to give the answers. I'm going to ask the questions of a survival guide for the holidays because Thanksgiving is this week. Um, Christmas is right around the corner, and I don't know about y'all, but sometimes, you know, family can be a bit much sometimes. So we wanted to just kind of maybe give you a little laugh and tell you what we would do. Yes, exactly. All right. Um, all before we kind of jump into the survival guide, do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?

SPEAKER_00: 1:58

Yes, I am actually going to my partner's uh house, like partner's family's house and be hanging out with them. Actually, hadn't decided that until literally 10 minutes ago. I actually thought it was chill and see clients and things like that. But then I was also like, you know, these things don't happen all the time. So let me just honor it, let me just do it. It'll be a change for me to like get out of work. So I will be there this way.

SPEAKER_03: 2:27

Um for me, I'm actually coming to you. I'm coming to Nashville. Um I so my my uncle, my great uncle passed away several years ago and he used to host Thanksgiving. And so I would always drive home to my hometown. And then um, my me and my aunt Debbie, who lives in Florida, became very close. So she typically flies into Nashville, and we don't really get to spend a lot of time together because I'm working up until then. So she is actually flying into Huntsville. Um since we're recording, so this will come out Tuesday. We're pre-recording, so I gotta think about my dates. So she'll fly in. So she so as by the time you've listened to this, she flew in the night before, and she is staying with me on Tuesday, which is the day y'all are listening to this podcast. And then I'm driving her to Nashville on Wednesday. Um very unsure if I'm staying overnight Wednesday to stay for Thanksgiving or if I'll just come home. If not, I typically come home early afternoon ish. I just get very overstimulated, which is what we're gonna talk about this.

SPEAKER_00: 3:29

Exactly what we're gonna talk about because whoa, we have, and I don't have family here, so I guess I'll be taking on from my family experiences back home on how we deal with stuff, and then also like reflecting on some things, many things that my clients have told me and my friends have told me in the United States and how they deal with it. Yeah, so I'm gonna be taking everything and putting it into a puddle.

SPEAKER_03: 3:51

Well, I was gonna ask you too. Like, obviously, Thanksgiving is like an American holiday, so y'all didn't celebrate um Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_00: 4:00

We don't even have Thanksgiving, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 4:02

Yeah, and do you do you do you celebrate Christmas? Have you like have y'all always done Christmas?

SPEAKER_00: 4:08

No, so Christmas is generally for Christians that live in India. I'm not a Christian, my family is not Christian, we're Hindus, so we don't celebrate um Christmas, but we do celebrate Diwali, which is a very big festival in India, all over India. It's the festival of lights, so that is something we celebrate, and then New Year, of course, everybody celebrates New Year everywhere. So that's just I guess more universal. So I would say the biggest festival is Diwali, which is kind of like Christmas and Thanksgiving, if you combine it, how is it? It's like that.

SPEAKER_03: 4:38

Okay, and y'all celebrate that in December as well.

SPEAKER_00: 4:42

We celebrated end of October and November. Those dates vary um depending on that year, but this year we celebrated it in October.

SPEAKER_03: 4:51

Oh, okay, cool. So you've been in the United States, uh gosh, over 10 years now? No, since 2018. So I'm gonna say 10 years, yeah. Almost yeah, almost 10 years. Okay, so you've been here, so you've gotten to experience some Thanksgiving and Christmas. So, what do you think about Thanksgiving?

SPEAKER_00: 5:13

You know, um this is gonna sound so different for you guys that are listening to this because you're obviously like United States citizens and you've born and raised here and things like that. For me, I love it because I think it's just great to have a day to really like tune in and say what you're grateful for because I don't think that realistically we do that every day.

SPEAKER_03: 5:35

We don't, even though I need to do that every day.

SPEAKER_00: 5:37

I think we need to be grateful every day, but you know, life happens, things happen, you know, shit happens. We don't do that. So I think it's nice that we you or we honor one day to do that.

SPEAKER_03: 5:49

Yeah, I agree. I it is nice, and we do take it for granted. I I do feel like as Americans, like, especially with the hustle and bustle, and like, and I think we do this in general in life, anyways. And you and I have said this multiple times, but like we like you don't ever take time to stop and slow down until something tragic happens, and that's very unfortunate because that also is so fleeting. Like, once when like we're we're always like obviously thinking about like when someone passes away or something, like it's almost like a wake-up call. Like you start thinking about your life and what you want to do in it and stuff, but then that is so fleeting, like that only lasts maybe a week. You're doing, you know, you're like making those changes, and then you just go back to rot to the hustle and bustle of everything.

SPEAKER_00: 6:28

Exactly. It's just the reality of it. So I really appreciate it when I moved here and someone told me about it and I got to experience it. I really like it.

SPEAKER_03: 6:37

So do you okay? Are you turkey or ham? That's the question. Well, it's neither because I'm a vegetarian. Oh, that's right, I forget. Duh. So tofer key.

SPEAKER_00: 6:47

Toferki or green beans. My friends have been amazing. Whenever they've hosted Thanksgiving or invited me, they always make like vegetarian dishes for me, which I really appreciate. So yay.

SPEAKER_03: 6:56

Well, speaking of that, that's um, I always go to my one of my best friends' houses since I've moved to Huntsville um the night of Thanksgiving, because they do it at night. And her sister's vegan and she's vegetarian. So there's like two Thanksgivings going on. And I always join them, obviously, and try to anytime I'm with Megan and Mal, I try to do my best at like either being vegetarian or vegan while I'm with them. Um, and you'll be surprised how many foods you love. And like what it's there's almost like no dip, like you don't like once you start realizing you just don't really miss it.

SPEAKER_00: 7:28

That's actually true. I've heard a lot of people say that when they try different versions of vegetarian food. Um, especially because I come from India, there's just a variety of palate, like there's so much vegetarian. Vegetarian food is more there. So when you've been there and you've tried it, like a lot of people that eat meat also say that they don't even miss meat because they just get a lot of protein and other like sources from just eating vegetarian food. But here in the United States, you know, it's not that much, but I think it's still growing. I think it's still people are still leaning in, you know, getting healthier. So I think people are people are inclined to eating more vegetarian food.

SPEAKER_03: 8:06

Agreed, agreed. Well, since we know what we're gonna do this holiday, and say, yeah, I'm uh I'm sad that you're going to Memphis, but also happy for you at the same time because I was hoping we could grab grab some lunch.

SPEAKER_00: 8:18

I was I was literally 10 minutes ago I made that decision.

SPEAKER_03: 8:22

So no worries, I completely understand, girl.

SPEAKER_00: 8:25

I was thinking about chilling in Nashville, but I'm like, listen, I'm always gonna be here, so let me just do this, you know.

SPEAKER_03: 8:32

All right, so let's just kind of dump on jump on in into like I want to ask you some questions because things that have happened obviously, like experienced in my, you know, my life in the past, and then I'm sure other people experience it too. So let's say we are, you know, hustle, bustle, grind all the time, working all the time, and we have this day where we get to be thankful. And how do you recommend someone actually slowing down and appreciating that moment, like and truly trying to be thank thankful and be there and be present?

SPEAKER_00: 9:34

I have told this to a few clients, I've told this to a few friends. For me, the way I prepare for holidays or something like this, because you're literally saying, okay, I have to wake up one day and be thankful, which is kind of fake if you think about it. You're like forcing yourself, right? So I'll always say start getting in the spirit a week before. Start thinking about it, start getting in the spirit, start preparing recipes, start getting excited about the conversation, start getting excited about some people that you're gonna meet. And of course, you're not gonna meet everybody that you like, but there are there will be some people that you meet that you will like in holidays. So start getting excited for that a week before. And you know, that way you're getting into the spirit of Thanksgiving. So I would start, you know, just slowing down work, like getting more into self-care, like preparing for it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually before the holidays start, so to be better prepared for the day, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03: 10:31

Yeah, it does make sense a lot. And honestly, I feel like our bodies kind of do that naturally a little bit because you know, the week like this week or last week at work, like just trying to, you're like, you know, you're off the next week. So you're just like, do I have to do this week too? You know, so I think your mind and your body's like, I'm just ready for the break, anyways. Um what so the opposite of that? How would you tell someone to like maybe holidays are a source of pain for them? So how would you tell them to like still try to stay present, stay in the moment? Like, obviously, you can grieve, and I don't like we can't tell people how to grieve, but you're better at that than I am. Um, and then also still be able to enjoy that holiday without it being so painful and so sad.

SPEAKER_00: 11:15

Right. I think the way that I work and the way my mind works is the concept of abundance and scarcity. So spending time with your family after you're an adult always becomes a scarcity. So, yes, are they gonna say things that's gonna piss you off? Are they gonna say things that's gonna trigger you? Sure. But at the same time, I think having a perspective that the time you do have with them is quite limited, you know, because they're a lot older and they're not gonna be there even to trigger you after 30 years. They're not gonna be around, you know. So I think having a change in that perspective personally for me has helped. Like I have a great relationship with my parents, my relatives, not so not so great. So, in order to be around them, sometimes I have to be like, well, it's okay if they say something triggering, they're not gonna be around for long. So let me start to look at the positives, let me start to like take away value in what I don't see before or what I what I refuse to see. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03: 12:09

Like, yeah, no, it does. It it makes sense a lot. And I'm glad you put it in that perspective because I never looked at it that way. Like I know, like when we get, you know, most time the holiday gatherings are pretty large. Like it a lot of people have large families, some people don't. Um, but it can become cumbersome when there's maybe uh these few handful of relatives that you're just kind of like, oh, they get on my nerves. So kind of just trying to be in like, okay, but what about them doesn't get on my nerves? What can I focus in on?

SPEAKER_00: 12:37

Exactly. And I say the same thing when clients, and this is not about friendship, but like when clients come to come to me and say, Oh, this friend triggers me and whatever. I'm like, okay, is there any area where they provide more value? And can you see the value instead of the trigger? Can you train yourself to see everything instead of just the negative, right? Yeah because I think us humans, we have such a flight or fight state of mind. Like we're so most of most of the times we're in survival mode. So for us, it's easier to see the negative and spot the negative than see the positive. So this is a great way to train your brain to be like, hey, they may say some things that may piss you off and they may not be the greatest of people according to your opinions, but they're still there, they're still hanging out. It's not that they don't even have a single positive trait. So why can't you start seeing that in the spirit of the holidays?

SPEAKER_03: 13:28

No, yeah, that yeah, and I guess I never even thought about looking at it from that perspective, which is wild, I guess, because you would think, like, okay, how can I make this more positive? Oh, be a more positive person. Duh. Logic is there, but never thought about it from that perspective.

SPEAKER_00: 13:45

Yeah, I even uh was talking to a client today, and she was really, really nervous about like seeing her family next week. And I said, Can you wake up? And she was she was going for three days, and I said, Can you wake up every morning and choose to see the good in the day? And it works. Like consciously choose and say, you know, there may be some things that are gonna trigger me, but I'm gonna choose to have fun, enjoy the food, and see the good in the limited time that I have with them.

SPEAKER_03: 14:13

Yeah. No, it's a great perspective. So, on the flip side of that, if you're trying to tell someone, let's say it's a partner relationship, maybe they're going to meet someone else's, you know, their significant other's family for the first time, or there this is a multi-part question. So, we're gonna talk about how do we give advice to someone who may be meeting family for the first time. Um, and then let's talk about um what if what if a holiday, like maybe their favorite relative passed away and the holiday brings up that experience for them. So let's do those two. And I think I have a couple more examples I want to get from you.

SPEAKER_00: 14:48

Yeah, I I would say if you're seeing family for the first time, and this is gonna be contradicting to what you may expect, um, I will always say release any expectations and just stay open because their family may not be like your family, they may not interact like your family, they may not even cook like your family. Like everything would be different, even from the style of communication to hospitality, everything can be different. So when you're used to a certain kind of hospitality from your family, your friends, and then you go expecting that, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. So I'll always say just stay open without judging or leaning heavily on either side.

SPEAKER_03: 15:27

Yeah, I love that. And then the other part was if someone, maybe their favorite relative, had passed away, and that just brings up a source of like a pain spot for them. How would you tell them to enjoy the holiday, but also honor their grief for their relative?

SPEAKER_00: 15:46

You know, I constantly live individuality, and I think you know this. Um, it may have come out differently in different podcasts. I believe that you can be everything. I believe that you can have a moment, even during Thanksgiving, to grieve and say, you know, we're we're in the living year, we're we're we're living, we're choosing life now. So let's be thankful for what we have now and honor that this person wasn't there and and you know, raise a toast. Yeah, like there's ways to do that. It doesn't have to be oh, all on one side, like polarized. Oh, somebody died, so it's gonna be a bad Thanksgiving. You know, we're all gonna keep talking about that. No, you can alchemize things, you can make the grief into gratitude, you can do that, and you know, I'm and I'm glad we're putting this episode out because I'm pretty sure this has happened for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03: 16:37

Yeah. Well, I mean, it used to be sad to even think about that. Like Thanksgiving used to be my favorite holiday, not because I love the food, but because my uncle hosted it and he was my favorite person on this planet. So that memory since I was like six years old, like just going there and everybody going there, people driving in from Florida, from Nashville, and everybody just hunkering down at his house. So and then when he passed, like I was like, Well, I never loved Thanksgiving food. I never Thanksgiving wasn't my holiday, I just loved being around him. And so it did become a pain spot to me for a while. And I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving for a little bit, but then I was like, no, he would want me to do that because he loved doing that, like hosting and cooking, and you know, he had his own garden and all those things. So he loved those things, and just trying to focus on that, like he would want me to still enjoy. That's the tradition that he honored for so many years, and it was just weird because you know, we did it for like like I was in my late 20s when he passed, so um, just going to a new place, like to my aunt's in Nashville, it was just different. It felt different, it you know, because it was I wasn't going to my home and to my, you know, and so it was just different. But I've learned to look at the difference in the memories that we're making this way.

SPEAKER_00: 17:53

Exactly. And also you could, even though it's not his house and he's not there to host it, you could even take a minute or five minutes and say, hey guys, can I just take five minutes to honor my uncle? And say like five nice things about him and how he hosted Thanksgiving and can be posted. That's such a beautiful way to still honor him and honor the memory and everything he did, yet still being with the people that you have around you.

SPEAKER_03: 18:16

But I love that what you said earlier that you believe in dual you said duality. Duality. I was like, Did I hear that right? Okay. Um, because me and my friend, this has nothing to do with the holidays, but we were talking about that the other day, like how two things can be true. She's currently pregnant, and sometimes she's like, I'm just miserable, but I shouldn't say that. And I was like, Why can't you say that? She was like, Because, you know, she was like, Because I wanted this baby so badly, you know, I was like, two things can be true. You can want a baby and be happy or pregnant, but you can also feel miserable. That is okay. I was like, you can be jealous of a friend for getting a promotion at work, but also so happy for them. Absolutely. I'm glad you because I was like, because we live in this world right now where it's like you have to feel one way or the other.

SPEAKER_00: 19:00

It's all or nothing.

SPEAKER_03: 19:01

Yeah, it's like, no, I can be mad as hell at you, menu, but I still love you to death, you know? Like you can be two things at one time.

SPEAKER_00: 19:09

Absolutely. And so this is, I mean, a great metaphor you brought up for Thanksgiving. Like, you can still be nervous, you can still honor the holidays, you can still be scared, you can still be present, you can still have grief, you can still choose to celebrate life. Like, you can have mixed feelings and don't again, what I'm trying to say is don't force yourself to be this fake happy or fit in during this holiday. Like it's okay to have a moment to cry. You want to cry? Okay, have a five, take 10 minutes, take 20 minutes, go cry, and then come and then make a toast. Like, why is it not okay that we can be that and we can experience a spectrum of emotions during this time?

SPEAKER_03: 19:47

Yeah, for sure. I agree. Um, now on the flip side of that, how would you tell someone who maybe they don't get along with their in-laws or the maybe certain family members? Like, like it's just a fight every single time holiday shows up. Like, let's just say there's somebody blows up, there's a fight. How do you give advice to that person who's already so nervous going into this because there's a fight every year? Like it's bound to happen, or they just don't get along with a bunch of the people there.

SPEAKER_00: 20:17

Yeah. So I uh I do this even with my clients and I do this with myself, which is uh again, if it doesn't fit fit your style of thinking, like you can totally skip this part of the podcast. I do this for myself, which is I imagine the worst case situation, and I will I will expect almost that okay, this the track record so many years has been terrible. So there is nothing different that has happened this year that's going to tell me that it's going to be different. So I can either choose to be scared um and keep expecting that, oh my God, I'm praying to God that it's different, that it's different, that it's different, and then get disappointed more, or I can accept that it's gonna be shitty, but how am I going to make the best of it? Because you know that it's shitty, you know that it's terrible, but you're still choosing to go. So you're still choosing to go. So, how can you make your experience better in that situation? The argument is happening, something is happening. Can you detach from that? Yeah can you participate in that argument when other people are arguing? Can you excuse yourself and go outside and have a sip of champagne or wine? Like, can you do that and and still be like, you know what? I'm alive during this Thanksgiving. I choose life. I still have all these things to be grateful for, even though five people are arguing, you know, two people are arguing.

SPEAKER_03: 21:39

So right. And that that's funny because the uh my family typically someone always fights on a holiday, typically, um, when I go home, not to Nashville. But um, I think it was either last year or the year before me and my sister got into a fight, which I've talked about, me and my sister not having the best relationship, which is you know, over the years it's it's slowly gotten better. But regardless, I think we also have to take accountability and responsibility in the part we're playing when we're walking into that situation. If we're like there's always a fight, you know, because my like my sister, like you said, you can choose to walk away and you can choose to not make it a thing on the holiday. And I had always played into that. Like if she would start arguing or start trying, because in my childhood I would stay quiet all the time, and now that I'm an adult, I would, I would not stop it, but not ag it on, but just like if she said something hateful to me, I'd be like, okay, what else do you think about me? Like, kind of almost, I guess that is kind of agging it on, but like knowing that it would upset her if I stayed calm and didn't get to her level. So I I did that on purpose, and you know, of course, a fight would, but I could have also been like, okay, you're right, let's just end the conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 22:53

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I I almost feel like I'll give you an example, right? Like, I'm gonna go to India in January, right? I already am prepping a little bit for the types of triggers that might come up. And like I said, it's not my parents, I have a great relationship with my parents, but the extended circle, right? Yeah, and one of the uh very, very messed up things that people do in our culture is talk about weight. And I think I told you this. Yeah, it's just super unsavory. Like maybe people think about it here, but they don't explicitly say it. But there people explicitly say, Oh, you've lost so much weight. Girl, you've gained it.

SPEAKER_03: 23:31

They did in the 90s, it's gotten better. So it's probably it's probably like the 90s, if I had to guess. People would say anything about you, they would just walk up and say anything, right?

SPEAKER_00: 23:41

And so it's like I'm already like, how do I say it? Emotionally callousing my my mind and myself to be like, okay, they're gonna say that because I have lost a lot of weight. So they're gonna be like, they're gonna say, Oh, you look so sick. What happened? Are you okay? Like, they may say something because no matter what, get this, people are gonna say something. Yeah, whether I lost weight, whether I gained weight, whether I'm the healthiest version, they will still have something to say. Yeah, so when you know that triggers are gonna happen during the Thanksgiving or the holidays or something like that, can you callous yourself before that happens instead of expecting the good? Because this is where we make a mistake. We think, oh, maybe it'll be different this time. I'll just try to be positive, I'll try to expect positive. No, just you know, be real. Like, yeah, nothing changes, nothing changes, you know. Like, so if they've been hateful people for eight years, the past eight years, they might still be hateful. But then how can you show up in that conversation? What can you do to like protect your energy, right? So those are things I would like to start thinking about.

SPEAKER_03: 24:44

So I love that you brought up the example of the weight because that is something I feel like even here, like I think people don't do it to strangers, but like to their family, they do. So you may not experience that in the way because your family's not here. Um, because I knew I do have a lot several friends that they're like that relationship with their mom was always like, Are you gonna eat that? or you know, something like that. Um, but so how how so you mentioned callousing yourself. So it kind of lumps into the also the question when people get asked, When are you gonna start dating? You never bring anyone home, when are you gonna get pregnant? So, do you is it the same advice all around as like just trying to callous yourself and prepare yourself? Because I think some of those are easier to callous yourself. Like if you're a woman and you're struggling with infertility issues and no one knows that, and then they're asking you, Are you gonna get when are you gonna get pregnant? That can be a very hard question for that woman. Where for me and you, where we choose that we don't want to have kids, we're just like, Well, I'm not, and we just answer it, you know.

SPEAKER_00: 25:48

That's a really, really great follow-up question, and I'm glad you asked it because the first was about callusing, the second is about triggers, which is kind of close to each other. So um let me let me put it this way, you guys, like you're listening to this. You all know what your triggers are. Each person's trigger is different. Somebody's trigger is money, somebody's trigger is not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, somebody's trigger is not having a ring yet, somebody's trigger is not having pregnant, not being pregnant yet. So I want you guys to like own those triggers, right? You you have to own it and say, okay, these are my triggers. So most likely these are gonna be played on, these are gonna come up. So what these are my triggers, and if if I can own my triggers and if I can make peace with that triggers, then my reaction when somebody else brings it up is not gonna be charged. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Because you're already prepping, you already know that these are your triggers, you know that they're gonna push your buttons. But if you're prepping and you've dealt with those triggers, like you're handling it, you're making peace with it. Like, you know, if you've made peace with it, then it's not gonna be so harsh when they say it. Right. I agree. I like that. But so if I were you, I would start listing down my triggers, right? Like the holidays are next week. Well, you're gonna be listening to this on Tuesday, so you'll still have, I guess, two days to like prepare for this. So if you're listening to this on Tuesday, just mentally start like listing out, okay, what are my triggers? Like, what are some things, some of the triggers that I've owned about myself? Because, you know, some people may have triggers of not having a boyfriend or a partner, but they've owned it. They're like, you know what? The dating scene is trash and I'm showing up in the best way I can. I know who I am, I know what my self-worth is, I've owned it. So if you've owned it, likely when somebody else brings it up, it's not going to be so sharp, it's not gonna be so charged. Right. So ask yourself, what are some of the triggers that you haven't owned? Because when you haven't owned it, it can be too much when someone else brings it up.

SPEAKER_03: 27:50

So, what about if you have a family member? Like you, you've you've done the prep work, you've worked, you've named your triggers, you're callousing yourself, you've done the prep work, you're preparing for it. But what if you have a relative that just does not respect the boundaries? Whatever, whatever you've decided you're gonna say, whether that be like, hey, I would just rather not talk about that right now, or I'm I'm just kind of going through something, like whatever your conversation back is, but you have a relative that's just gung-ho. No, you're gonna just tell me, I don't know, they're just pressing you, pressing you hard.

SPEAKER_00: 28:18

I would just respectfully um leave the environment. I would also excuse, like this is something that's always worked, which is excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Yeah. Like, because the reason I say this is the five minutes that you're going to the bathroom and you're coming back, you still have time to process on how to deal with that situation. Than when you're put in the spot and you have to deal with that situation, right? Just okay, I'm gonna step out for five minutes and then I'll come back. I'm gonna go to the bathroom for five minutes, I'll come back because that way you're able to deal with it. Right again, my whole point here is to expect the unexpected because you don't know, but like we can't control how quick they're gonna show up.

SPEAKER_02: 29:02

We can control sorry, you're paused. Sorry, guys, she's frozen a little bit. Let me see if I can get her back.

SPEAKER_00: 29:09

Okay, I basically was just saying that when you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, or when you excuse yourself to take five minutes and then come back, your response is still more regulated than when you're put in the spot and you're forced to respond. Right. So make yourself unavailable when there's high moments of triggers, or when you're put in a spot where you're supposed to answer something, make sure you can excuse yourself. That way, you're more regulated when you come back. Right. And just have a boundary. Say, you know, this has been great, but I don't think I want to talk about this anymore. You can keep talking about it with other people, but I don't think I want to participate and just walk away.

SPEAKER_03: 29:54

I love that. You can continue talking about it, but I will not. Thank you. Bye.

unknown: 29:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 29:59

Because it's like you're you're not saying don't talk about it. You're not like sounding like you're controlling them, but at the same time, you're drawing a boundary for your peace.

SPEAKER_03: 30:08

And do you have any like grounding techniques that maybe someone can do in the moment, whether that be they're stressed, anxious, you know, avoidant, whatever, whatever they're going through, grounding techniques they can do there.

SPEAKER_00: 30:19

Absolutely. The first is make sure you can feel your feet on the floor. Okay, right, which is essentially getting in getting in touch with your senses, the sense of touch. When your feet touches the floor, and then the second is start focusing on your breath, even if it's just for 10 seconds, just the inhale and the exhale, just the inhale and the exhale, just 10 breaths. If you can just start counting that down, because that's going to help you have a regulated response than a triggered response because that's what they're looking for. They want you to be turning malicious, but like when they're triggered, they're expecting a triggered response. So, but if you let's say their decibel is at like a 10 and your decibel is at a one, guess what happens? It neutralizes at some point. They're gonna feel stupid for being loud and angry, and then they're gonna be like, damn, okay, like she's so calm. You see what I'm trying to say? That's why your energy is like so much within your control, and how you respond is within your control.

SPEAKER_03: 31:17

Right. Um, and then how would you switching gears a little bit, tell someone like maybe they're lonely around the holidays? Maybe it is going back to one of those triggers of like they they want a significant other, or maybe it's just not happening on their timeline or whatever it is, they're not good, they don't have the ring yet or whatnot, and they feel very lonely. Um, how do you recommend someone like finding that within themselves, I guess?

SPEAKER_00: 31:44

I guess, you know, I have always been a person, and this is something I also tell my clients and my friends, is whenever you have a timeline, you're setting yourself up for failure, like right, especially when it comes to somebody else. Like, yeah, you have a timeline to make more money in your business. Sure, because that's more within your control. It's more within the actions you take. You have a timeline to get fit. Okay, great. That's more, again, directly proportional to how you show up in the gym and the actions that you take. But then it comes to external goals, like a significant other, a marriage and things like that. And I mean, I invite you into this conversation if you're listening to this and have a timeline, like just be just soften a little bit on that timeline, right? Because if that's such a big trigger for you, remember what I said, like when you don't own it, when you don't sit with it. Anything around that subject can be so, so, so, so tender for you. It can be so, so triggering for you. And then you can even blame other people because you know they're gonna ask what they ask, but how are you choosing to like cope with that yourself? Yeah. So I would ask yourself, what is the meaning you're creating around not having a partner? Are you creating a meaning that I'm miserable, I'm pathetic, this Thanksgiving sucks? Are you creating these meanings in your mind when you're entering into that environment? Because if you're creating those meanings and entering into that environment, you're likely going to get triggered.

SPEAKER_03: 33:08

Yeah, yeah, I agree. What about someone who feels lonely because they share their kids with the their, you know, their ex-partner or whatever? And maybe they're feeling lonely, not in the sense of a significant other way, but they're feeling lonely because they miss their kids on that holiday.

SPEAKER_00: 33:24

I would still have a different viewpoint and look at it all temporarily. Yeah. Right? It's all temporary. Yeah, maybe this holiday you don't have your kids. The next holiday, you're probably gonna have your kids, right? I feel like when we look at things and when we look at sadness, when we look at inconveniences like this during our holidays, we again tend to go into this really sucks, my life sucks. You see what I'm trying to say? Yeah, yeah. Not that this is temporary. We build that story around the negative versus trying to exactly, exactly. So I think the if you can soften on the story you tell yourself, I promise you the amount of suffering is will be a lot lesser.

SPEAKER_03: 34:05

Yeah, that makes sense. So, like doing the so like focusing on the positive story and what so like maybe a reframe would be like, okay, it does suck that I don't have my kids and I do miss them, honoring those feelings and not suppressing them or telling them that they're wrong. You say it does suck. This does, you know, I do miss them. However, maybe this holiday, I get to spend more time with my mom. I get to actually lean into my parents, you know. So, like trying to lean into like, yes, it still sucks, but you can lean into what is positive about the situation.

SPEAKER_00: 34:37

Exactly. Maybe you don't you're not spending time with the kids this holiday, but maybe you can honor more of your time and your energy. Maybe you can sleep in and wake up late, and maybe you can, like I said, spend more time with that friend or spend more time with your parents that you naturally normally give to your children. So it is having that different perspective. And when I say different perspective, I'm not saying, oh, be avoidant and ignore the issue. No, like you miss them. Okay, like sit with that, like you know, have a good cry or whatever, like, but then move on, like, don't stay there and create a negative loop that is within your control, right? Right. You know, they say that um pain is not our issue, like, pain is not in our control. Everybody experiences pain, but suffering is optional. Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional.

SPEAKER_03: 35:25

Okay, I love that. I love that because it it is at the end of the day a choice, and I know sometimes, like, and we're not taking this lightly because there are certain like depression and major depression and anxiety, those are real. And I know you can't just think your way out of those sometimes. I've had anxiety attacks where everything in that moment feels so real to you. So we're not we're not talking, we're just talking on the surface level here. We always have to just make a caveat for that. Cause I know that if I were listening to this, I might go, Yeah, but have you actually been depressed? Like, and I'm we're not talking about that situation.

SPEAKER_00: 35:58

We're more like talking about the coping mechanisms that you can use in a temporary situation, like Thanksgiving and holidays, right? Yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm trying to say. Like when the pain comes, or when when you have the pain point, oh, they're saying this and this hurts my feelings, or I miss my kids, or I miss my partner, or I don't have a partner. Like, it's okay to feel that pain, but you looping that in your mind, again, what did I say? Like, pain is pain is mandatory, but looping it, suffering is optional. So you can ask yourself, okay, I have three more days with my family. Do I want to keep looping the story, or do I want to be present and enjoy the food?

SPEAKER_03: 36:32

Yeah, I love that. Just a funny story to kind of go off that example. My, my, and maybe this is why I'm so crazy, because my family, everybody like we're crazy in our own way, everybody's family's crazy in their own way. But I remember being young, you know, and we have a blended family. My mom met my stepdad when I was six, and or five or six, anyways, they got married when I was young. So he's been in my life my entire time, my stepsiblstep step siblings as well. And I remember there was a few Christmases and holidays that his ex-wife would just come and stay at our house because it was just easier with the kids. And everybody, like, you know, like when I was young, I didn't understand it. But like when I would tell the story later, my friends would be like, Oh my gosh, and your mom didn't care. And I was like, I remember asking my mom, I think like in high school or something, and just being like, Does this not bother you? And she was like, I mean, they were married once, it obviously didn't work out. And I was just like, like, literally, that just came out of her mouth. She was like, and honestly, if she wants him, she can have him. And I was like, What?

SPEAKER_00: 37:32

Yeah, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03: 37:34

Like, I need to be more like my mom in that aspect. Cause I'm like, how are you just like because most women would be like, Absolutely not, like, absolutely not. But at the end of the day, it was easier for them as co-parenting children for that to just be what it was.

SPEAKER_00: 37:50

Exactly, exactly. So you you never know, and it's so funny when we see it from outside, we have a perspective, but the people on the inside, they the way they deal with it is different, and so we we actually never know the full story, right?

SPEAKER_03: 38:03

And like, well, they became friends, like, and they would just sit outside and hang out, and like if if they were like her, then her new husband would come up and barbecue at our house, and so like her new husband was friends with her ex-husband, and then my mom was friends with his ex-wife. It was a wild, it was a wild time.

SPEAKER_00: 38:19

Oh, yeah, I I girl, I believe it. Like, I mean, I'm still very much in touch with you know my ex-in-laws, and lots of people don't understand it. Like, we well, it's hard because like you didn't divorce them, exactly. Exactly, you know, yeah, and I think this is where I invite you guys to bring in more polarity because it's fun, it's you don't have to be in like one corner and and it doesn't have to be what society tells you as quote unquote this picture perfect or what you're supposed to do. No, absolutely not. And there were a few of my friends that were even like, Why are you still in touch with them? Why because I want to be like I like them. I mean, it's my choice, you know.

SPEAKER_01: 38:59

Right, don't they're good people, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 39:02

Don't project your stories to my life. It's because it's different, and the way I operate is different, you know.

SPEAKER_03: 39:08

Yeah, well, I mean, I'm still friends with you know, some ex's friend, like my ex's friends or their family members, I'm still friends with them because they're good people, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 39:18

So remember that like even when you have like moments of suffering or moments of pain during this holiday, like stop listening to you know, people that fuel more, fuel you more into that victimhood. That is something that I constantly say. It's like if they're like, oh, poor you, oh, don't worry, you'll have a ring next year. Like, stay away from people like that who make you feel less than, like, just don't subscribe, right? I love that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 39:47

No, I do want to do a little funny, unhinged rapid fire with you because I love doing it. And it's just good to like lighten the conversation after you know we've just had a heavy conversation. Plus, these are just funny, they're about the holidays.

SPEAKER_00: 40:02

Cool.

SPEAKER_03: 40:02

All right, so um, if you could legally skip and you have to play along, I know that you're Hindu and stuff, but let's just pretend for a moment that you celebrate all American holidays.

SPEAKER_00: 40:11

Let's pretend for a moment that I'm Christian and I'm born and raised in America. Let's go.

SPEAKER_03: 40:15

That's the only way this is gonna work. All right, so if you could legally skip one holiday event without consequences, which one are you choosing and why are you choosing it?

SPEAKER_00: 40:27

You know, I'm gonna choose New Year because I love like doing my own thing in New Year's. Really? Yeah, I love like partying in New Year's, I love the countdown. I just love all of it the fireworks, the countdown, and things like that. So I would like not be with family during New Year and I would just go go cray.

SPEAKER_03: 40:47

Oh, okay. I was very confused there for a minute because I was like, but I am typically with my friends. What are you talking about? So you were typically with your family on the new year, usually, usually okay. I was like, I'm always with my friends.

SPEAKER_00: 40:57

What are you talking about? If I were to choose a holiday, if I were to choose a holiday in this tradition, I think I would probably choose Christmas to skip it, yeah, to skip it because I actually really like being around the tree and the spirit of the Christmas and going and seeing Christmas lights, you know, with people and stuff like that, rather than going to family. Gotcha.

SPEAKER_03: 41:20

Yeah, okay. I'm with you. All right. For the next one, what's the bare minimum amount of time you need to mentally prep before entering a house full of relatives who ask you about your love life? Oh god. What is the bare minimum amount of time you need to mentally prep for that? One week. All right. Is it rude to show up to Thanksgiving with noise canceling headphones, or is that considered self-care?

SPEAKER_00: 41:50

Oh, self-care. Bring it on.

SPEAKER_03: 41:53

On a scale from one to Mariah Carrie Defrosting, how ready are you for December? You say what? One to what? Basically ten. But I was trying to be funny. One to Mariah Carrie Defrosting.

SPEAKER_00: 42:05

How ready am I for Christmas? Oh my god. I love Christmas.

SPEAKER_03: 42:10

So one to ten. Eleven? Okay. If your therapist charged holiday surcharge, what would yours be? Ooh,$350 an hour. Should adult cousins be allowed emotional support drinks at all times? 1000%. What's more draining? Holiday small talk or airport security lines?

SPEAKER_00: 42:35

Ooh. You know, if I'm standing in the airport security line, at least I can listen to a podcast or music, so I'm gonna say holiday small talk. Yeah. Good choice.

SPEAKER_03: 42:45

If you could mute one family member through the power of manifestation, who is losing microphone privileges?

SPEAKER_00: 42:52

Oh god, I don't want to get into trouble, but let's just say one of my relatives.

SPEAKER_03: 42:58

You can always default to your partner. He'll he'll understand that it's not him. Are the holidays about love and gratitude, or are they just capitalism wrapped in glitter?

SPEAKER_00: 43:09

Oh, both. Oh my god, both. I think that you should make it about love and gratitude. Capitalism is always going to benefit from it, but you can always make it what you want to make it.

SPEAKER_03: 43:21

Which relative gives you the most I need a Xanax energy? People from my dad's family. Did you say from your dad's side of the family? What's the max number of holiday parties a human can attend before spiritually shutting down? Ooh. I'm gonna say 20.

SPEAKER_00: 43:43

20?

SPEAKER_03: 43:43

I would shut down at five.

SPEAKER_00: 43:46

I'm hombuggish over here. You see, that's the abundance and scarcity because we have so many like holidays in in my culture. Uh 20 is like, yeah, 20. Sure. Wow.

SPEAKER_03: 43:59

20 holidays y'all celebrate?

SPEAKER_00: 44:01

I mean, not in a year, but we just have like reasons to meet up for like anything and everything. We just create reasons to meet up for anything and everything. So it feels like a holiday gathering.

SPEAKER_03: 44:11

When decorating, when do you stop and admit you're just moving the same ornament around trying to feel joy?

SPEAKER_00: 44:18

You know, I never stop because this is so new for me. So I'm just gonna be honest and say, I love decorating and I never stop.

SPEAKER_03: 44:25

See, and I'm so opposite, like I don't mind like putting stuff out on the cabinets, but like when I I was even like back and forth going, Do I want to put up this tree? Because the tree's very large. My mom got me a tree um when they went on sale because she works at Walmart. Um, and she got me like this 10-foot tree, and I'm like, and it leans to the left a little bit. That's so funny. Decorating, but I put it up, it's pretty. Like once you get it up, you're just like, okay.

SPEAKER_00: 44:53

So, well, to be honest, I don't have an actual tree. I have the fake tree from Amazon, but I like decorating it. Yeah, yeah. It's I love decorating it with gifts and ornaments and things like that around it, which is fun because it gives Oh, okay. It's scarcity for me. I've never done it.

SPEAKER_03: 45:09

So do you decorate that? Do you put ornaments on your tree?

SPEAKER_00: 45:13

Some, yes.

SPEAKER_03: 45:14

Okay. Which is harder? Staying on your diet, staying on your budget, or staying on your sanity during the holidays?

SPEAKER_00: 45:24

L-O-L. For me, I would say staying on the budget because I go a little crazy with gifts for other people when it comes to holidays.

SPEAKER_03: 45:32

So I love giving gifts too.

SPEAKER_00: 45:34

Me too.

SPEAKER_03: 45:35

I don't want anyone to get me a gift, but I love giving a gift. I have I'm weirded out about opening gifts in front of people. I'm just weirded about I hate doing it. It literally gives me the it. I hate doing it.

SPEAKER_00: 45:45

I mean, you can't actually express how you feel. Like it's just it's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_03: 45:49

It's awful, yeah. And like on my my birthday, you know, was a couple weeks ago. And so, like, we were at dinner and they a couple friends bought me some presents, and I was like, I always have to go. I y'all can't see my face, but then you will be able to. I'm always like, Do you want me to open that here? And they're like, Yeah, and I'm like, I'll do it. All right, a few more. What's the polite way to decline a 25th version of the same casserole?

SPEAKER_00: 46:16

I have food poisoning.

SPEAKER_03: 46:20

I'll just go with I'm full, thank you.

SPEAKER_00: 46:23

I mean, hey, when I say I have food poisoning, you have to, they have to be like, okay, no worries.

SPEAKER_03: 46:28

Right, but then what if you're eating five minutes later a cookie behind their back?

SPEAKER_00: 46:33

So it's so interesting that you say you're gonna say you're full. That doesn't work in my culture, by the way. Oh you can when you wanna stop saying you want, when you want to stop food from coming in, you gotta start saying no halfway when your stomach is full. Yeah. Because they'll just keep bringing it. No, they don't, and it's the love language for idiots, like to keep feeding you.

SPEAKER_03: 46:58

My my family, like what they'll what they would do, like if they try to bring you something, you're like, I'm full, they'll go, okay, well, I'm just gonna set it over here and you can eat it in a couple hours. And they'll and then in a couple hours they will come at you and say, Hey, do you want that food I made you?

SPEAKER_00: 47:11

And you're like, Oh I know so hard.

SPEAKER_03: 47:16

All right, if Santa judged us based on our group chats, would we all be on the naughty list? You go first and then I'll answer.

SPEAKER_00: 47:23

1000%.

SPEAKER_03: 47:25

Yeah, probably. What's the most unhinged thing you've ever done to avoid a family argument?

SPEAKER_00: 47:35

Oh my god, I've always and please, please, please. I hope nobody's listening to this. I fake sickness, like my life depends on it. You fake sickness. I've always faked sickness. So you're just like, I don't feel good. I have cramps, I have food poisoning, I don't feel good. Like all kinds of excuses. Like it's it's on another level.

SPEAKER_03: 47:57

Is it unhinged? Is it more unhinged that you do that, or that I just join into I just join in the argument? I don't even avoid I don't even try to avoid it anymore. I just join it.

SPEAKER_00: 48:09

I think both are unhinged in different ways. I think I I think I'm coming from my culture, which is like uh this is sad to say this, but a lot of people in my culture don't understand the concept of boundaries. Yeah, so you can't just be like, I'm good, I don't want this, I don't want to participate. You can't just do that, it has to be really something crazy for them to take you seriously.

SPEAKER_03: 48:31

Like to be like, oh gosh, like okay, we won't be bothering you no more. Exactly, exactly. I love that so much. I think I would be just fine doing well. I don't know. No, I wouldn't be able to do it because I'm too direct, and I'd be like, I just told you I didn't want it. Well, Mini, I hope you have such an amazing holidays. Enjoy your uh road trip with your partner.

SPEAKER_00: 48:56

Yes, thank you. And you enjoy your time with your aunt. And I'm sad I'm gonna miss you this time, but you'll come back to Nashville. I know.

SPEAKER_03: 49:02

Yes, I will. So until next time, guys, I hope y'all all are surviving the holidays. I hope you got a little um perspective out of this, maybe a little bit of advice, and hopefully a little laughter as well.

SPEAKER_00: 49:13

Oh, a lot of laughter in the in the what is that called, rapid fire that I've profoundly messed up. So have you. I hope you did not mess up with that.

SPEAKER_03: 49:22

All right, guys, until next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_00: 49:25

Bye.