Babbling About Aging: The Chaos, the Wisdom, and the WTF Moments

#213: Ever feel like time started sprinting while you were busy checking boxes? We dive straight into the prickly parts of aging—why it scares us, how it reshapes identity and control, and what actually gets better when we stop fighting the mirror and start working with reality. From late-night cortisol spikes to chin-hair confessions and a dress-like-an-old-lady birthday, we use stories and science to reframe getting older with humor, honesty, and heart.

We break down the five big fears: physical changes, loss of flexibility, identity shifts, control slipping, and the dread of becoming invisible. Then we counter them with research-backed insights you can feel: collagen does decline, recovery slows, and yet confidence often rises, creativity peaks in midlife, and our circles deepen as the brain prioritizes meaning over noise. You’ll hear practical ways to support your body—sunscreen, sleep, strength, protein—and your mind—micro-novelty, mobility, boundaries, value mapping, and small rituals that stretch time instead of letting it blur.

If you’ve been living like life is a checklist, this is your pause-and-choose moment. We talk faith and surrender, why letting go can increase agency, and how to build a life that fits now, not a past role you’ve outgrown. Expect candor, a little cupcake nostalgia, and a reminder that you can remake yourself many times—with intention and maybe a touch of Botox—without apologizing for any of it.

Press play, then tell us: what belief about aging are you ready to retire? If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a reframe, and leave a quick review to help more people find us. Your words keep this community growing.

Transcript

Cortisol Nights And Aging Focus

Johnna 0:00

All right, guys, welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast where we talk about all the things you think about at 2 a.m. when your cortisol is spiking and waking you up for absolutely no reason. If you're wondering where that's coming from, that's what's been going on with my insomnia. I did a cortisol testing recently and it showed that my highest cortisol level, which should be low at 2 or 3 in the morning, is spiking and then it's not picking back up throughout the day, which is a problem. But more on that later, because today we are going to talk about aging. The thing everybody is running from, but also the thing that literally nobody can avoid unless they, well, die. Seriously. And that's currently not on my vision board, so I want to talk about it. And listen, I'll be honest, I'm almost 40 years old. So this episode is not coming from the mountaintop of advice. This is a I'm right here with you trying to figure this out while plucking the chin hairs off my chin type of advice. Y'all get it? Okay. Because I've been thinking about aging and like how I used to think about it kind of for a while. But what's even funnier is that my friend Megan had her 36th birthday this past weekend, and the theme was to dress like old ladies. So a bunch of us girls hit the town in our finest 80 to 90 year old range clothing, and we went out to eat and we went bowling. And it just kind of made me think more. I was like, okay, this is the perfect time to do this episode. So let's go ahead and get into it. So let's just dive on into this aging podcast because what's really funny about aging in general is that we do live in this world where everyone will scream, but age is just a number. But then also we're spending like$200 on facial serums that promise to make us look 12 or anything we can buy off the TikTok shop, right? But aging does freak us out because it threatens five things. So I had to do some research on this podcast. I'm trying to get better about researching and getting some facts out there. But, anyways, back to the things, the five things that potentially freak us out when we think about aging. And then we'll kind of explain them a little bit later with some personal examples is physical changes, flexibility, whether that be physically or socially or both. Um, the identity and status that we have, control and visibility. And like I said, I'm gonna break these down in a minute, but first let me ground this with something that one of my patients had told me. So I was doing just a regular wellness checkup on one of my, I believe she was like 80 plus, maybe 85, 87, somewhere around that age. Um she's super adorable, but she's just always on the go. Like anytime I try to go to her room, I can't find her. She's either out doing activities at the assisted living or she's going to brunch or she's going to lunch or she's going somewhere. She's always on the go. But she always asks me, like, how I'm doing. And I always say things like, oh, you know, just living life, or I'm busy, you know, I I never really have a good response because that's the response. And she did look at me dead in the face and said, You may want to slow down and enjoy it because boy, does it end fast. And like I did have this brief moment because it made me really stop and reflect, which I also, like I said, I've been having these intermittent, maybe fleeting reflections. Um, maybe I'm at a midlife crisis in my life. Who knows? Um, because when we think about that, when I used to say it when I was younger, I wasn't thinking 40, but anyways, um, it going back to this conversation with this patient, like it made me step back and think when she said that because my on my life honestly lately has been pretty much what I would consider like a hamster wheel. It's like I wake up, gym, meal prep, work, sleep, repeat, seven days in, seven days out. And for a second, like a solid three seconds, I had I have to step outside of myself and be like, what am I doing? Why am I living life like it's a checklist? But it because it comes and it goes so fast, that aha moment comes and then it disappears. But even when you have these thoughts, we change absolutely nothing. So here I am, almost 40. And the truth is, is she's absolutely right. Life does go by in a blink of an eye, like it truly does. And even though I'm 38 and I'm saying I'm almost 40, like I don't remember getting this old. I feel like I'm still 20 something in my mind most days. And I'll be honest, like, I have forgotten how old I was sometimes, and I've had to calculate it out. And when my mom used to do that, I'd be like, how do you forget how old you are? But I think it's and I think some of it has to do with like you kind of stop counting at a certain point once you stop hitting milestones. And then I think another portion of it is kind of like you mentally feel so different than your physical age sometimes. And it makes me look back at when I was younger and thought that 40 was old. Don't get me wrong, I do think times have significantly changed, and your 40s and 50s are just different than decades past. Like, for example, like when we were dressing up for this party, that's what made me think like, okay, how do we dress up as an old lady? And we think of things like the golden girls. But really, when we look back at that show, they were in their 40s and 50s, but they dressed older at the time. That was just the way it was, like the hair and things like that. And now you look at people in their 40s and 50s like Jennifer Lopez, and you're just like, okay, this is the new 50. It's just different. Times have changed, styles have changed, fashion has changed, there's new products on the market, all the things I could go on and on. But we're gonna just go ahead and switch gears here a little bit. We're gonna do a little fact checking with aging and what's actually happening and nerd out for just a minute. Because I want to give you some interesting facts. And honestly, sometimes my brain works by trying to better understand something by looking at at it factually or biologically. So maybe if we kind of go through some of that, it can help us understand a little bit better. Maybe you stop fighting reality and start working with it. But some random, surprising facts about aging, people actually get happier after 40. So in two years, well, I guess I have to give it a time after that. So in three years, I will let you guys know if that's true or not. Um, there's a U-shaped curve of happiness, and they say that the lowest is around the mid-30s and then it goes back up. And I guess I would say, like, I'm kind of at that halfway point. Like, I could kind of see that. I could kind of see that, but I'd have to look up, look up some more um facts about it. All right, the next one would be that confidence naturally increases with age. So your brain becomes less sensitive to social rejection. So imagine that some peace in your life as we age. The third one is your give a damn meter recalibrates, so that prefrontal cortex becomes better at emotional regulation. Um, the fourth thing is creativity often peaks in midlife. So studies have shown that people do their most meaningful work between the ages of 40 and 60, which I thought was really cool. And then the last one is that social circle, so social circles, try to say that really fast, shrink. So social circles shrink, and that is a healthy thing because the brain prioritizes meaningful connections over quantity, which I've always been told I have an old old soul. And that's one of the things that I've always loved, like in friendships, is like I don't need 50,000 friends. I want meaningful, deep connections, and it's really hard sometimes to find that because not everyone wants those deep, meaningful connections. And I have a problem with calling everyone my friend. So there's that. Um, but this is the part of aging that no one posts about on Instagram because it doesn't come in a cute, aesthetic little bottle, and it's not picture-worthy sometimes. Um, so we just all have to remember that. So we're gonna kind of dive into the five things that we resist most about aging that I had mentioned earlier. Number one is physical changes, and that's things like having wrinkles or getting gray hair, foreheadlines that appear overnight like they paid rent on your face, that thin, crepey skin, and then hyperpigmentation from sun damage. But the fact is that collagen decreases by about 1% per year after your mid-20s. So, no, we are not imagining it. Our skin is really changing, but that doesn't mean we are losing beauty. It means we are gaining character. And your face is becoming a biography for you. And even though it's so cliche to say that, and it's hard sometimes to be like, yeah, sure, we'll go with that because of societal pressures, which we'll get into in a little bit. Um, just kind of taking a step back and just knowing that we all are doing this and it's inevitable for everyone, um, can kind of go a long way. But even with the physical changes, to me, that doesn't mean we can't do things to prevent us from getting these things like if you want to dye your hair or you want to take collagen supplements, eating whole nutritious foods, drinking more water, getting things like Botox fillers or surgical procedures, whether that be a facelift, a necklift, whatever, wearing sunscreen, staying out of the sun, and all of those things can prevent certain physical changes, which I think that's one of the reasons why the generations are looking younger, is because we do have access to these things where they weren't accessible in the past. Um, like for for example, I'm redheaded, I'm very fair skinned. Now I can tan because my both of my parents tan very well, which is odd for a redhead, but I can. I just can't hold a tan. And my mom would let me lay out in the sun every day in the summer until it got cold, just because, like at the time, tan skin was what was the beauty trend, or I guess what was considered beautiful at that time. And being this fair-skinned person was getting made fun of a lot. And like spray tans and um self-tanners were a thing then, but they were a very awful thing because it was very oompa loompa orange at the time. They've come a long way, but also now, like pale skin is so like considered beauty, and so we're staying out of the sun more because we realize the harm it can cause. And boy, am I paying for it now. Like, I have a new spot come up every other day that I'm like running to the dermatologist about. So that's about the physical changes. Number two, some of the things that we resist when we're aging is loss of flexibility, and that's both mind and body because physically, like our hamstrings might get tighter or recovery takes longer. Our metabolism slows down, weight gain hits, hormone shift. And then mentally, aging exposes how stuck we are in our routines, and more on that later. Um, we wake up one day and realize I haven't done anything spontaneous since insert whatever year here. Because as we get older, we're just realizing going back to that hamster wheel, we're just stuck on it. And we didn't realize that we had lost this flexibility in our life. But here's the beauty in all of that: flexibility is also a muscle, so you can build it back, kind of like muscle memory. This is the part of my life that I am currently stuck in because, like I mentioned, I'm on that hamster wheel and I'm trying to figure out how to get off. Where do I ship this? But I haven't figured out how to do that yet. So if anybody has any suggestions, DM me or send me an email and I will report back to you if I come up with something. Number three, identity shifts. This one hits hard because aging forces us to ask, who am I now? Who am I without some of the roles I used to have? Who am I if people don't see me the same way? So our identity evolves over time and throughout, you know, different aspects of our life, and that can be uncomfortable because our brains do not like change. But it also creates space for the version of you that isn't trying to impress people who don't matter anymore. And I know that I have changed significantly since my 20s. If you know me, you know that I am a loud, fun, bubbly person, which all of that is true. But I have evolved from, you know, being this angry, which still working on that bitter, pessimistic type personality where I was a little bit more shy and I wasn't as outgoing. And I am forever learning things about myself and like the different relationships I go through the walks of my life in and help me grow and mature and be a better person. And to me, like just looking at our personal life, like it's no different than if you're working at a job where it may become complacent and you think everything is good and okay, and nothing scares you anymore, like at your job, like you think, oh, I got this, I can coast on this. And a lot of research has said like that's when things get the most dangerous, is when people coast and no longer feel feel that fear. Um, and this isn't to say that you can't be really good at what you do, but we are all all human and we make mistakes, but we learn from them. And so I kind of like, and maybe that's just my career, I don't know, because it's in health and being a nurse and things like that, like you it there really is no affordable way to make a huge mistake because people's lives are involved. So I think when we get complacent in our job and in our life, that's where we have a hard time with that identity shift. And that's sometimes maybe where we resist aging and where the midlife crisis comes in. Because, for example, I know a lot of my friends that have become moms, that some of them have made their whole identity in their life just being a mother. Um, and that's okay. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. But when that kid leaves to go off to college and you're an empty nester, I think some of them are realizing that they don't know who they are anymore. And it's another way to resist, like, who am I without this thing? So sometimes when we look at our age and it's like, who am I if I'm not 30? Who am I if I'm not this young, beautiful thing? And sometimes maybe that's why we have such a hard time letting go of it. But then it kind of leads into the the fourth thing, and that's loss of control. And here's a fact after age 30, our body breaks down old tissue faster than it rebuilds new tissue, which why gross. This is why soreness and healing and recovery can take longer. But the deeper fear here, I believe, is losing control over outcomes and not bouncing back as fast or not being able to force life into your plan. And I think that as we age, I think it teaches us to just surrender, not in that like surrender in a depressing type of way, but in a stop trying to white knuckle your existence way through this life and just let life happen. I think as I get older, because I I mean, yeah, I'm I'm a huge control freak. And I think as I get older and the more I learn and the different things that I've been through, I do realize the the more we realize that we truly aren't in control of our life. Like, I don't know what your faith or what you believe in, but like I believe that God is truly in control. And so if I truly believe that, then I have to step off the reins and like give full reins to him. And if you don't believe, I think that there's still a way to be like, we know that we don't get to control life. Like good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people. Um, and we just don't have any control over that. There's certain aspects in our life that we can have control over, whether that be, you know, a career or a raise or you know, staying in a crappy job or staying in a crappy marriage or a relationship or whatever. Those type choices we do have, but I think when we look at the bigger picture and just realize that we don't have control over the big picture, that sometimes relinquishing that can maybe help us stop resisting aging a little bit. And the fifth, oh yes, the fifth and last one is the fear of becoming invisible. And I think this one is especially true for women. I'm not gonna say it's not true for men, but when I think about like my life, I think that society has put value on youth, especially when it comes to being a woman. And aging can feel like fading into the background a lot of times. But I'll be honest, like I've often struggled to identify where this comes from, like between the the man and the woman factor. And what I mean by that is like is we all know it come is coming from society, like to have value on youth. But are women judging other women more? And that's where it comes from because I see that a lot. Women tend to judge women more on things than men are, and I say that because when I've dated people, like they they they don't even notice certain certain things or insecurities, or I'm like, oh, here's a wrinkle, they're like, What wrinkle? Where women would be the first one to call that out. And I know we we say we do these things as women for the male gays, which obviously partially is true, but we have seen, you know, I think that where it partially comes from is we have seen men leave their wives for a much younger woman, or we see that on TV and shows, which I think can trigger a fear response of we just need to look f young forever. And then of course the societal pressure is always there where men are allowed to age and women aren't. But categor if we look at it categorically, I don't I mean, obviously that's not all men. So where does this need to be young and youthful come from? Obviously, society, and I can understand that in the Hollywood way because that's their literal job, and they're on TV or during commercials or getting photos taken and they're in HD and all these things that can highlight insecurities. But just as common people, like where does it come from? For me, I can personally speak that, you know, growing up in the 90s and like seeing like beauty, like magazines and stuff like that. So it's just gotten worse over the years because of I think social media, which speaking of, like, I did break my lint one time, but I didn't scroll, I just got on and looked at my notifications. Um, anyways, that was a sidebar. But all this to say, like women's self-confidence peaks later in life. That's the fact that I had looked up um at the beginning of this podcast, because women become visible to themselves, just anyone in general, become more visible to themselves, and that's the kind of visibility that you don't lose as you age, it actually gets tighter and stronger. But, anyways, that's the five things that I found like when I was doing my research, why people are resisting aging. But the real gut punch is that life is just short, it's just short, and I think that we forget that we are here temporary. I think that life goes by faster every year because you know, our brains seem to compress time as we age. And that's literally a thing. I looked it up. Your internal clock speeds up, which is wild, which makes sense, but I also think that we just get used to living and then we stop noticing our lives while we're just busy. And I don't know, I don't know if I would call it living, like while we're just existing, maybe like we're just existing and we're not living. Um people don't get reminders until something forces them to think about this. Like, like there's a few things, like maybe you get a health scare, or there's a loss in the family, or a close friend, um, family member, um, a patient like mine telling me to slow down, or a moment where you just realize you blinked and a decade disappeared. Um, I know that everyone can probably relate to this. Um, like when we were younger, years felt so long, like dreading school, or just waiting for that that milestone to hit, like waiting for 16 to get that driver's license, waiting for 18 to be that quote unquote legal age to buy whether you were a smoker and get cigarettes or you could go to the club or to whatever, which is honestly hilarious that they have that at the age of 18 because our brains aren't fully developed that, like that prefrontal cortex that I mentioned earlier is not fully developed at 18, but you're an adult somehow. And then we want to get like to the age of 21 to drink alcohol, and then it's like after that it seems to like not go as fast. Um, I remember like after my 30th birthday, because there's not really another milestone until your 40th birthday. So it's almost like time is just like warp speeding ahead. Um, and it's just wild. Um, I just realized like probably 35 ish, I would think, that time just quickly started speeding up. And again, back on that hamster wheel, work, sleep, repeat. So what is it about aging that we can truly look forward to and not just hate it or you know, resist it? Um, I think the beautiful part in that would be the emotional resilience that increases. We stop spiraling over small things, our values get clearer, we don't chase the wrong people anymore, our boundaries sharpen, we tolerate, we tolerate less nonsense, our relationships get deeper, we choose quality over quantity, and that feels really good. And I think most of all, we step into our true taste, whether that be fashion, lifestyles, our bodies, our careers, we start truly choosing things because we like them and not because they're just trending or on social media. And I think your boundaries get firm. Like I think we finally know our boundaries. Hopefully, I'm hoping I grow into that. Um, but the most important thing is I think that we become more us than we have ever been. And we all feel the urge to slow down, but we don't because slowing down means confronting ourselves as long as we stay busy, exhausted, or distracted. We don't have to look at what's not working within our own lives. And aging keeps tapping you on the shoulder saying, Hey, are you gonna live this life or are you just gonna sprint through it? And then of course we respond back saying, Yeah, yeah, yeah, after this deadline or after this or after this or after this. It's always once I get to this, I'll do this. And then that this never happens. Then one day you're almost 40, looking back, thinking, how did time move while I wasn't paying attention? What have I truly accomplished? Where have I traveled? Have I ever been in real love? Well, those may be the questions that pop through my head and not yours. Um, but all this to say aging isn't something to fight. I feel like it's something to honor. We don't have to love every part of it, but we also don't have to hate it either. We're not losing our youth, we're gaining our depth. And depth is really sexy. Depth is powerful, depth is magnetic. You know, your skin will change, your hair will change, and your body will change. But so will our wisdom, so will our emotional capacity, and so will our self-respect, our standards, and our sense of what really matters in our life. So, yeah, life is short, but it's also long enough to remake yourself a hundred times. Aging just gives you permission to do it with intention. So here is to aging beautifully, honestly, unafraid, and maybe with a little Botox. Hey, obviously no judgment here. Um, but you know, I used to think I couldn't wait to be old when I was little. I would literally walk around telling people, when I'm old, I'm gonna eat this many cupcakes every single day. And that was my grand vision for adulthood. Cupcakes on demand, and honestly, same. I still love cupcakes, and I'm will get cupcakes when I'm older. But getting older has been truly different than I imagined. Like my skin obviously has changed. I see more lines in my face. I have a bedtime that apparently I defend like it's a religion, and I catch myself saying, I'm tired the way grown-ups did when I was younger. And here's the part that surprises me most that sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't just see the aging. I see that question behind it. Like, what have I even done with my life? I used to believe I was made for something big, something world-changing, and who knows, maybe I still am, or maybe not. Maybe I'm changing lives with this podcast. Who could be too sure? But that's not the point. Because somewhere along the way, we all start romanticizing life so much. Like, if it isn't massive or impressive or Instagram worthy, it doesn't count. But maybe the entire point is learning to accept our life exactly as it is, big or small, loud or quiet, chaotic or stable, and realizing we have to do the absolute best with what we've been given. Even if part of that is complaining a little, settling a little, and still possibly wanting a little more. Because when I look back, what actually stays with me isn't the big moments I thought I was supposed to chase. It's those laughs I didn't expect. It's that late-night talk, the dumb heartbreaks I swore would kill me, the mornings where I felt hopeful for no reason, the memories that hit out of nowhere, and of course the wrinkles that prove I survived all of it. So maybe aging isn't something to fear. Maybe it's just that privilege of still being here and still being alive, of getting the chance to keep going and keep trying and keep loving and keep messing up and keep living a life that doesn't have to be extraordinary to matter because your life already does. But I'll end it there. So thank you for listening to me babble on aging. It's just a topic that I've obviously been thinking about. Hopefully, it made sense to you guys. But until next time, bye, I'm gonna do that.