Babbling About: Low Dopamine In Real Life

#216: Something feels off, but nothing is obviously “wrong” and that’s what makes low dopamine so confusing. We wanted to wrap up our dopamine series by getting out of the science and into real life: the way motivation fades, the way stable love can start to feel “boring,” and the way our brains can mistake intensity for connection when we’re chasing stimulation.

We start with dating and relationships, because that’s where the pattern can hit hardest. When the early uncertainty wears off, a calm and emotionally available partner might stop giving your brain that reward hit, and you may assume the spark is gone. We unpack why hot-and-cold dynamics can feel like chemistry, how novelty can become addictive, and why some people chase “newness” in ways that destroy trust. It’s not an excuse for cheating or harmful choices, but it can be a lens that helps you understand behavior, take accountability, and stop repeating the same cycle.

Then we move into friendships, work, and emotions. Low dopamine can look like pulling away from people you love, taking forever to respond, or feeling like plans are effort. At work it can look like procrastinating until pressure forces a dopamine spike, creating the procrastinate-panic-perform-crash loop. Emotionally it can feel flat rather than sad, with anxiety stepping in to keep you alert. We also share what changed after a social media detox, why constant scrolling can blunt your reward system, and how noticing your patterns can bring real relief. If this hits home, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review with the pattern you’re trying to break.

Transcript

Tying The Dopamine Series Together

Johnna 0:00

All right, guys. Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast. So today I'm going to do a part three series on the dopamine that we've been talking about. Um two weeks ago we started about is this low dopamine response versus ADHD, and I kind of did a historical portion on that, more scientific, if you will. And then last week was how my genetics kind of tied into it. And then this week I kind of just wanted to tie everything together. And honestly, this is the one I've kind of been wanting to do to get to the whole time because it's more interesting, I guess. Um, like I said, we've already talked about what dopamine is. We've already talked about how your genetics can play a role in it, but none of that matters if you can't see it in your actual life, like your relationships, your habits, the way you move through your day. And those are the things that I love talking about on my podcast. Because here's the thing that no one really says out loud. Low dopamine doesn't feel like a diagnosis. It feels like something is just off and you can't quite explain why. So if you're ready to dive into part three with me, stay tuned. We're gonna tie it all together and end the dopamine series today. All right, guys. Thanks for hanging in there with me for a three-part series. I don't know if I've ever done that on the podcast before, but I just kind of, the more I thought about it, I was like, am I explaining myself well enough? Like, I kind of love having conversations in the last two episodes I don't feel like were as conversational as I like to have them. So kind of just tying all together, like having low dopamine or a dopamine response. So if you haven't listened to the last two weeks' episodes, then definitely you want to listen to those. So this makes a little bit of sense. Um, but we're gonna start with dating. You all know I love to talk about dating and relationships. So kind of wanted to start there because I think this is where people confuse themselves the most when it comes to how their brain's acting, especially me. I know I do. So, like, let's pretend you meet someone and at first it's really good, right? Like you're interested, you're engaged, you're texting back and forth a lot, maybe you're even curious, which hopefully you're curious. I I I tend to be curious about people when I first meet them. Um, I think that's just a normal human response. But then at some point, and it's different for everybody, whether it be weeks or months or whatever, it feels like something shifts. And if if you're in the dating realm, or maybe you can think back to prior to being in a long-term relationship, marriage, wherever you're at in your life, you just feel like something shifts, right? Like it's maybe subtle, and it goes back to maybe not feeling as excited as you once did when you first got into that relationship. You're not as drawn in. Either you start to pull back a little, they start to pull back a little, and maybe your res your immediate response or thaw is, well, maybe I'm just not into them anymore. Maybe what, you know, the the flame just fizzled out, you know? But what if that's not actually the full truth? What if what we are feeling isn't a lack of connection, but it's just a drop in stimulation. Because when our dopamine runs low, our brains start craving the contrast of it. It wants something that feels different, maybe intense, maybe something slightly uncertain. And of course, it's not just all about dopamine here. We've talked on the podcast before, like pending your childhood traumas and things like that. Like if you sought chaos your entire life, that could also be what's going on here. Um, but regardless, that calm, consistent, maybe emotionally available person may start to feel a little boring to you. Um, I know I've experienced this, and it's not because that person is actually boring, it's because our brain is no longer lighting up in the way it did when it was unpredictable at the beginning. Like, when are they gonna text me back? When am I gonna see this person again? Because maybe you're on a more consistent schedule now, right? And we all remember from the first two episodes that dopamine is that pleasure and reward system. So you seek something out to have a reward response, whether the reward be good or bad. And I think this is how sometimes people end up stuck in patterns with the same type of person. So let's say you end things with that person because you think you're just not interested anymore, and you move on to the next, and the same thing keeps happening. This is where we as adults have to recognize our own patterns in in the dating realm. Um maybe you're attracted to the hot and cold person or like me, the emotionally unavailable one, um, which keeps us on our toes, right? It keeps us guessing. Because every time those people pull away and then come back, our brain truly gets a hit of dopamine. And it confuses that hit of dopamine with connection or chemistry. So a lot of us think, oh my gosh, this is so much passion, this is chemistry, this is, you know, oh, I'm just so in love. When really it's just your brain is like, oh, I hit the lottery, oop, you know, here's something new, oop. Those are some brief examples. I can't think of any more. My brain went blank. Um, but you get the drift. Um, and I'm gonna say something that may make someone listening feel a little uncomfortable because it made me feel uncomfortable a little bit when I was gonna talk about it. But then I, the more I thought about it, was like, oh, this kind of makes sense. And it's about cheating in a relationship. So when I was reading all this, I was just like deep diving into like, well, this kind of sounds a lot like cheating, like how someone has to go seek quote unquote newness, because you know, that's what our brain is searching for with a dopamine. So it seems like cheating can possibly come from people having low dopamine. No, I'm not excusing cheating. I'm just I'm a type of person like why? Like I want to understand something because I don't truly believe that all cheating comes from someone not loving that other person. And I know some people are gonna disagree with that because if you love somebody, why would you hurt them? But you can hurt people all the time without like cheating, right? There's other things which this is not a dating episode. This is about dopamine and how it kind of plays into our real life. But maybe sometimes cheating comes from a lack of that internal stimulation, like we talked about that newness with a new relationship. So people then have to go look for that new feeling again in somebody else. But let's say they're really in love with their partner and they're like, I don't, you know, I don't want to leave them, but I'm like my brain and my body is telling me that I need something different because we live in this world, this economy that we constantly get newness all the time. So we're kind of training our brains in a way to seek newness all the time. Again, not condoning cheating, but I'm just trying to maybe understand it a little bit. Because if you're constantly seeking the newness, maybe some people within themselves can't figure out how to create that newness in that relationship that they're in. So that's why they seek it elsewhere and get themselves in a whole heap of trouble, right? Like possible. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a psychologist, but when I was reading this, I was like, hmm, this this makes sense in my brain. Again, third time, not condoning it, not saying it's right, but I was just trying to understand it from a different perspective. I don't, I mean, obviously there's a lot underlying there too that would have to go through a therapist or figure that out from the background of why you need to do that. Is it an ADHD thing? Is it a low dopamine thing? Is it you're a shitty person thing? I don't know. Go speak to a therapist about it. But it made sense to me when I read it. So um, we're gonna kind of transition into how dopamine or low dopamine or whatever you want to call it kind of plays or intertwines into friendships because this one can sometimes come across a little bit quieter since romantic involvement, you are what's the word? Like you're more in depth with them. Not saying that you're not with your friendships, but like when you're having a partner, like that's supposed to be, you know, your your your partner, your partner in crime, the one you go to. And then sometimes your friendships, like not saying that we don't have best friends and things like that, but sometimes this one can sneak in a little bit quieter. But for me, it's just as important because I really do value friendships. Um, and low dopamine in friendships doesn't always look like conflict like it can in a romantic relationship. Sometimes it can come across as like maybe disconnection. Um, you're stop you stop reaching out as much to your friend, or you might take longer to respond, or plans start to feel like effort instead of something you look forward to, even with people that you genuinely care about. And maybe it's because you got a lot going on in your life, or you know, you're dealing with something um with your parents or your children or your romantic partner. But then we start to tell ourselves, like, oh, I'm just tired, I've been busy, I just need space. And sometimes that is all true. Like we all have a lot going on, but sometimes our brain just isn't rewarding the connection the way it should. So everything feels like it takes more energy than it used to. And slowly over time, I think that's how some friendships can drift apart. And I don't, I really genuinely don't believe it's because we don't love our people in our lives, but uh, but it could just be because we don't feel as engaged with them as we once did. Again, because we're seeking that newness out everywhere, and sometimes things that are not quote unquote new or not giving your brain that reward response fast enough can feel like it's boring or disconnecting or just not what you want it to be when really it's just because we've created this environment of a reward system and we have to do things like social media breaks and um all the things that can kind of get our dopamine back to a baseline of not having it spiked every seven to ten seconds with TikTok, Instagram, reels, algorithms, you know, news flashes, all those things. But moving on into how we can talk about it where it kind of shows up in our jobs, our careers, work life, because this is where people get really hard on themselves. Low dopamine at work can look like, you know, exactly what needs to be done, and you just don't do it. Not because you're lazy or because you don't want to, but because you can't get yourself to start it. Maybe you'll sit there thinking about the task, knowing it's not even that hard, and you still kind of feel stuck. So what happens next, right? Like we wait until the pressure builds, until like, hey, you gotta get this in. There's a deadline, or maybe it's causing you stress and you just want to release that stress, or even like there could be consequences to not getting it done. Like maybe you've done this before and your job performance it has been slacking, and they're like, hey, if you don't start getting this stuff done, we're not gonna be able to keep you employed here, or something like that, right? And all of a sudden, with those kind of consequences, we suddenly are like, oh, I can do this, I can, I can perform. So we start believing, oh, I just work better under pressure. But honestly, pressure is just the one thing strong enough to wake our brains up because again, it gives us a little bit of that dopamine spike because there's a cycle there, right? Like procrastinate, then we panic, then we can perform, then we crash at the end. And that's not a personality trait. I know that there's some people out there probably like, oh, that's me. That's how I perform at work, that's how I performed in school. But it's really not a personality trait. It's more of a pattern, again. Like all of this, if we look at it, is just patterns and how we can maybe take this to a life coach, take this to a therapist, because maybe you can do it on your own. Maybe you're really great at self-help. I, for one, am not. I've got to talk about things to make to connect the dots. Um, and figuring out patterns to break them. Um, but let's talk about how this can show up emotionally, because I think this is where people get confused between anxiety and depression. Um, low dopamine doesn't always feel like sadness. I know we talked about this briefly on the prior episodes, and a lot of times it can feel like nothing. Like maybe you feel flat or unmotivated, maybe you're feeling a little disconnected, like you're just kind of going through the motions of day to day, but you're not feeling down, sad, depressed. And then you have anxiety that comes on top of all of that because our brain is trying to compensate. It's like your system is saying to yourself, Hey, if I can't feel good, I'm at least going to stay alert. And then you start feeling anxious about things. So now we're kind of stuck in this weird place of I don't really feel excited about anything, but then your mind won't let you slow down either. And I know I've been there a lot when I've just been burned out. Um, again, which is why a lot of the reasons why I took the social media break because I've just been kind of feeling that blah, unmotivated, um, in that space lately. And I just needed, I think, to give myself some time to let my brain recalibrate and get back to my dopamine baseline. And I want to say it's been three weeks, because I mentioned it. I think this is either going into week four, I think it's going into week four of not being on social media. And I will say, like, I have noticed a huge difference in my motivation, like to do these podcasts, to sit down and actually do research, to dive more into Bible study and just reaching out to friends more, because I don't have social media just to grab and take my attention. And so obviously our brains all seek attention somewhere, and I'm just now putting it into the things that I once loved versus just sitting there scrolling, and then nothing excites me. Hope that makes sense. Um, but I think that's where people can start questioning, you know, everything, whether it be their relationship, their career, their friendships, or even maybe themselves. Like, I know I was like when I was kind of going through that, I was like, why am I like this? Why can't I just be happy? Or why is everything currently feeling harder than it used to, or maybe than it should? But I think that's the shift that I want us to take in. Like, what if it's not that our life is going wrong or what we're feeling is wrong, but that our brain isn't registering it the way it once did. Because if we don't understand that, then we'll keep trying to fix life externally through things, trying to reach for things to make us feel better. And then we'll start to think things like, oh, it's probably because I need a different relationship, I'm bored, oh, it's probably because I need a new job, this one's too stressful, I'm burned out, um, it no longer excites me, or you know, I just need a change in life. Maybe I just need to move, maybe I need a new wardrobe, maybe I need a new car. And I think truly, for a little while with people, I know it with me, it works a little bit because if anything that's new kind of gives you that temporary dopamine boost and you feel good a little while. Like, you know, I know sometimes like it's like, okay, I I'm feeling like I need to make a change. What is that change gonna be? Let's chop my hair off. And then I chop my hair off, and you know, you get compliments for a week and then they go away, and then you're like, why did I chop my hair off? You know? Um, because it's just that temporary dopamine boost that I think we all seek, it's a natural part of life. But with the economy that we have created where it's just all the time, I think that it was never, that was never the intention. Um and eventually, after we try all these things, like getting a different relationship, job, changes in your life, whatever it may be, then we end up in that same feeling if we don't actually figure out and fix the problem. Like, let's say you end a relationship, you get in a new one, and once that newness wears off, you're back to feeling the way you did. Same with the job, same with things. Like maybe you have buyer's regret. Maybe you go out here and buy a, you know, a car you've always wanted because you're having a midlife crisis, which probably, if I delve deeper into the research, probably midlife crisis is or just low dopamine. I'm starting to blame everything on dopamine. Can you get the hint? Because if you're starting to have that same feeling in everything you do, it's only gonna frustrate you because it truly looks like you're doing everything right, but then nothing feels right. And you're like, what am I doing wrong? When it's really nothing that you're doing wrong per se. And sometimes, and again, we're we're just talking about the dopamine. No, sometimes it could be things that we could obviously fix in our own lives and patterns and childhood trauma and things like that. But if this truly is like a do low dopamine response, then I think that just being aware and looking at our patterns and things, not judging ourselves, but kind of just truly sitting down and looking at it and being honest with ourselves and saying, like just asking ourselves questions like, do I lose interest quickly? Do I only feel engaged when something feels intense or uncertain? Do I struggle to start things but can't perform under pressure? Do I pull away from people even when I care about them? Do I feel like something is missing, but I can't explain it? And like when you start getting into those like deep questions with yourself, personally with me, with a therapist, it's not because these questions, like they're not just random questions. I think that they are signaling to you, like if you're answering, oh yeah, like I just I I pull away, I, you know, I I'd never feel engaged unless something is chaotic, intense, uncertain, like I just never know. Then maybe it is truly that you're just needing a break to get your dopamine back to baseline. And when you can figure out your own patterns, I feel like we can stop making everything mean something about our worth. You know, it's not things like, oh, I'm just in a bad relationship, which again, you could just be in a bad relationship, but again, kind of stay in the context of what we're talking about because it it may not be that you're just in a bad relationship or let's not say bad, let's say a boring relationship. Maybe it's not that you're in a boring relationship, it might be that you're just needing to chase stimulation instead of stability. And whether that comes from a low dopamine response, childhood trauma, or you know, just patterns that we gotta work on, um the first step is recognizing them, right? Because you can't fix a pattern that you don't recognize. And then we can also say, like, it's not that you're lazy, it could just be that your brain isn't giving the push to start. And it definitely is not that you don't care about people. It's probably more so that you feel disconnected, even when you don't want to feel disconnected. And that shift through it all, recognizing those patterns, to me, that's just everything. Because now we're not constantly tearing our life apart, trying to fix a feeling. We're trying to understand that feeling. And that's just something I thrive on and is just trying to understand. Because when we understand something, we kind of can move differently or choose differently. We can also stop chasing things that were never the actual problem. And honestly, isn't that the whole point of this series that we're talking about? Not to label ourselves, not to overanalyze everything, but to realize that sometimes it's definitely not our fault that our life is falling apart. I mean, again, stay in the context. Um, it could just be that our brain is just a little out of rhythm. And then once we see that, we can give ourselves a little bit more grace and a little bit more awareness and a lot less self-blame, and then talk to someone about it, figure out if it is truly a low dopamine response or, you know, a childhood trauma trigger, chaotic lifestyle, all the things, right? And all this just kind of clicked with me when I was diving into my own health and things like that. And now that I've recognized the pattern and now that I have done the social media detox and feel like my dopamine is getting back to its baseline, I have truly started to feel better throughout the weeks that I've done this. Um, and you know, I I started um well buterine, which helps with dopamine. I know it's an antidepressant, so people are like, oh girl, that's it. But it it it not, I'm not gonna say fixes, but it also increases the dopamine in your brain. And I think just from all the symptoms that I have read about and like the high stressful jobs, like I worked in the ER for 11 years, and just how my brain is always like chasing excitement and things like that, because I'm I guess I wouldn't call myself an adrenaline junkie, but maybe. I mean, I don't like to do things like jump out of the sky and stuff like that. But like working in the ER, like I really enjoyed it. And I think it's just because it was a quick turnaround, you're not seeing the same thing all the time. And that's how my brain has always been. Like, I like to like, okay, can we move on to the next subject? I got that one. Can we move on to the next subject? And just diving into this and talking about it out loud on the podcast, which, you know, sometimes is very therapeutic just to talk about things out loud, has made me go, oh, you know, I'm almost 40 years old. Like, I wish I would have known this sooner. So hopefully, you know, this can help somebody out there who may be feeling the same way that I have felt. Um, but yeah, I'm just gonna end it there. That's it. That's the full picture of what I wanted to say. Hopefully it made sense. Hopefully, this made you look at your life maybe a little bit differently. And if you did, then I hopefully accomplished what I was trying to do and you actually understood what I was trying to say. Because sometimes I'm like, did I even make sense on this episode? So, like sometimes I'll do that when I get done with the podcast. But, anyways, I hope you all enjoyed it. And until next time, guys, bye, I think.