Babbling About When The Right Decision Still Hurts

#233: You make the call. You do the brave thing. You choose what’s healthiest, smartest, most honest for your life. Then you sit in the quiet and think, why does this still hurt?

We get into the part nobody really talks about: the grief that can follow the right decision. I unpack why we love to sort choices into “right vs wrong,” and how that sets us up to believe we should feel instant relief if we chose correctly. From breakups and divorce to job changes, moving away, and setting boundaries, I talk through why every option can come with a loss, and why missing what you left behind doesn’t mean you should run back. Sometimes the hardest part isn’t deciding. It’s living with the choice after the adrenaline wears off.

We also dig into the brain’s greatest hits: overthinking, romanticizing the road you didn’t take, and rewriting the past to borrow certainty that doesn’t exist. I share how reassurance seeking can feel like relief for a moment, but the doubt tends to return when we’re alone. And if faith is part of your world, I talk honestly about what it looks like to pray without forcing fake peace, and why grief is not evidence of spiritual failure.

If you’re stuck asking “Did I make the right decision?”, let’s shift the question to “How do I take care of myself now that it’s made?” Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

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Why Some Choices Still Hurt

Johnna 0:00

What is up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of the Babbles Nonsense podcast. Today, I kind of want to talk about things no one gives you a blueprint on in life. I just want to babble on about some things I have been struggling with and thinking about. Um, I kind of just want to talk about real life for a second and the things that no one can tell you how to feel or what to say or even make you feel better in certain moments. And maybe we talk about our feelings and feel good in a moment, but sometimes maybe our friends agree with us in those moments, but then we have to go be alone with our thoughts, which is something I think in our day and age we all struggle with because we're distracted by TV and social media and going out and drinking or whatever it may be that you distract yourself with. So I want to talk about what happens when we make a decision in our lives that we believe we needed to make with the evidence we had in front of us and the knowledge that we had at the time. And it can still hurt you, even if you know that decision is right for you. And I think this is something that we don't talk about enough about that pain and the struggling, even when the decision is the right one for you. So let's just go ahead and dive in.

Grief Does Not Mean Regret

Johnna 1:54

Um I feel like when we're trying to make decisions in life, like the really hard decisions, I don't know, something like getting married or changing your job or should you continue a relationship? Should you get a divorce? Like really big decisions. I feel like we put them into what we would consider a simple category in our minds, whether that be good decisions versus bad decisions, a right choice versus a wrong choice. Should I stay? Should I leave? Should I say yes? Should I say no? Should we keep going? Should I walk away? And then we assume that our emotions should just line up perfectly with whatever decision we've made in that moment. And I feel like we can think, if it was the right decision, if I made the right choice, then I should feel relieved, right? And if we are grieving, maybe it was the wrong decision in that moment. Or if we missed something, maybe we should have kept it. If we wonder what could have been in the future, or whatever it may be, maybe that means we made a mistake. And trust me, all those same thoughts circulate through my brain, but I don't think that life truly works this way. I know that sometimes we have like what we consider black and white thinkers, and then we have that gray area. And I've always thought I lived in a gray area, and in certain ways we do. I think we all in different categories of our life have different ways of thinking. But sometimes being in medicine and being trained a certain way to think a certain way at work, and then it kind of flooding over into my personal life. Maybe there are some things that just can't be a black and white thought. It had there has to be some gray, there has to be some nuances because everyone is different. And I think that's where we kind of get mixed up sometimes is we start asking for advice and we start asking our friends, what would you do? But our lives are completely different. So I think sometimes we can make the decision that makes the most sense for our life at that moment in time and still absolutely grieve what we lost by making it. And of course, we could think, like I said, like our future thought, like what would our future self do? But then you have to remember there's different circumstances and it all matters. So, like circumstances in your life matter. And lately I have been learning, whether that be through, you know, therapy or through talking to all my wonderful friends, that grief doesn't always mean that we wish we chose differently. Sometimes grief can simply just mean something really mattered to us, and the outcome just wasn't what we longed for or hoped for. And there is a huge difference in these two thoughts of I wished I chose differently, and that mattered to me, but I'm not going to abandon my truth. We all know that there are decisions that change your life where there isn't some magical option where nobody gets hurt. And for for example, like just talking about relationships, because we tend to talk about that a lot on this podcast, like breaking up with someone or ending things, even when you still care about someone deeply or loving someone. Sometimes just every option you're presented with comes with a loss. For example, I was I was writing down certain things that may be an example. So, like maybe you leave a relationship you still love because you know it isn't healthy for you, or maybe you turn down an opportunity, say with a job because the timing just isn't right, and then spend months wondering who you might have become if you had taken that opportunity, for example, like moving across the country. But you have maybe kids to think about and family to think about. Maybe another example would be you do move away from people you love because staying in that certain area just keeps you stuck from growing into the person that you want to become. Or maybe you choose yourself after spending years choosing everyone else and you're putting boundaries up and people aren't used to that. Or maybe you walk away from something you desperately wanted to work because wanting it wasn't enough to make it work. And lastly, like maybe you chose one future, and in doing so, when you choose that, you also have to say goodbye to another future. And that's the part I feel like nobody really prepares you for. We talk so much about making hard decisions, and we talk about it on this podcast, or you see it on TV shows, you see it, you know, in therapy and things like that, but no one really talks about after you make that hard decision what comes from that. Everyone kind of makes it look like it's just happy and rainbows and this is the best decision ever, but no one talks about the other side of it where it could still be the right decision and the correct choice for your life, but it just brings a lot of sadness and grief because you haven't made it to the other side yet. We talk so much about that, but we don't ever really talk about living with the choices after we make them because sometimes making the decision isn't actually the hardest part like we think it is. We think, oh, if I can just, you know, get through this decision, everything will be better on the other side. We think that contemplating that decision over and over and over in our minds and going through all the scenarios and outcomes and then finally making the hard choice will be the hard part. But in reality, sometimes the hardest part comes after we make that choice. When everything gets quiet, the decision is made, your adrenaline is gone, and there's nothing else left to plan, research, fix, look at, and the decision is finalized, and you're left with the hardest part. I

When The Hard Part Starts After

Johnna 7:30

know I have a great example of this when I left working in the ER. I worked there for 11 years. And as tired of it as I was and burned out as I was, when I went to so, like working in the ER is all I knew my entire nursing career. And um, I went from working, you know, three to four, 12-hour shifts to working five days a week in a clinic with all new people, something I'd never done before because I worked in spine pain management and I didn't really have a lot of training and I had to learn it all new. And it was like, I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but like the older you get, like the old saying, like you can't uh teach old dogs new tricks because it's harder and you have to learn more. And I remember I think on like day two of the job, I walked out just crying hysterically, and you know, I had contemplated that decision and I had asked all my friends and I had done all the pros and cons list and you know, talked about it in therapy, talked about it with my parents and whatnot, and then thought I had made the right decision for myself. And then when I did the job, I was terrified. I was crying. I was like, I didn't make the right decision. And I called one of my friends that I worked with in the ER. I was like, Do you think I can get my job back? And she had to talk me down and she was like, I think you made the right deception right decision. But I remember going through that moment and being like, Why does no one talk about when you make that decision thinking it's the wrong decision, even if it's still the right decision? Because all of that, you know, nervousness and being scared and not knowing what your life is going to look like and it being new and having to learn new things can also feel like sadness and grief. And I am glad I stuck with it because I learned something new. I made new friends. Like I have lifelong friends now that I still talk to to this day from that job. And it also put me in a different trajectory to go somewhere different and like seeing what it would be like outside the hospital setting and in a clinic and not working 12, 13, 14 hours. So it really was ultimately still the best decision, but it was still hard. And I think that that's can be what happens and kind of what I'm talking about here. So I hope that makes sense. But like kind of going back so that I don't get lost in what we were saying. But I was talking about, you know, that's the reality of it. Sometimes that hard part comes after we do make those choices when when there's no one else to talk to and no decisions to make, and we're finally just sitting there with what happened, and that's when our brains start negotiating with the past. We may start overanalyzing and overthinking. And if you don't, congratulations to you. But I know I'm spiral sitio here. But I start thinking things like, what if I had waited? What if I had been stronger? What if I had tried harder? What if things would have worked themselves out? What if I gave up too quickly? What if that version of the future I'm imagining now would actually have been so beautiful if I just kept things the way they are? What if I made the wrong decision here? Can I go back? Is it too late? And I think that's the dangerous territory because our brains are really good at romanticizing roads that we just don't take. And, you know, mean you've also said that on the podcast. We we romanticize, you know, relationships are just a good example too. Like we romanticize, like when you go through a bake breakup, and as hard as it may have been, and as bad as it may have been, and you know, maybe it was so toxic that we just start forgetting all those bad things and start romanticizing only the good parts because our brains don't keep the reality in our our future view. We don't romanticize that ordinary Tuesday afternoon that began that began when we started contemplating all these choices. And it could be any choice, whether it be, like I said, a breakup, a divorce, leaving a job, or holding firm boundaries with a family. You could literally insert anything here that could be a hard decision for you. And so, you know, sometimes for people, getting up in the morning and choosing what to wear is a hard decision for you. You know, like now, obviously, I'm talking about like big life changes. Um, we it's almost like we just start playing that highlight reel, that Instagram model view. We start reimagining that happy ending that we thought we were gonna get with the decisions that we made. We imagine ourselves six months later saying, Thank God I didn't walk away from this. We don't usually imagine ourselves, you know, being six months later, exhausted, maybe overwhelmed, resentful, lonely, wishing we had listened to that version of ourselves who knew something wasn't right in our gut and told us to leave whatever insert the blank is here. And that doesn't mean we should automatically shut down those what ifs because those are helpful when we're trying to make the decision that we're trying to make. And I think that's just being human. And from what I've learned through my therapy sessions and through talking to Me New and you know, through doing these podcasts, because doing these podcasts for me are like journaling, because I have to obviously journal my thoughts out to get an idea going for the podcast. And that is also just our brains trying to protect us from the pain. Um, that's what you know I've learned through all this. Like our brains don't want to feel pain. So the only way to protect you is either to romanticize or to lie to you. Because, like, for example, you know, if you touch a hot stove as a kid, your brain's like, okay, don't do that again. So this is very similar. Like you make a decision, it becomes painful. So your brain's like, oh no, no, no, no, you made the mistake. Go back and go back to when you were happy, even if you weren't really happy. Because those were possibilities in your life, but they're also not facts. They're definitely not evidence. We could imagine a beautiful outcome from the choices we didn't make without that meaning the outcome was guaranteed. And I think that's particularly diff difficult when your decisions involve something or possibly someone that you were emotionally connected to, whether for a short time or a long time, because once you're emotionally invested, that's when it becomes harder. That's why, like when we talk to our friends, it's easier for them to have a quick decision about yes, you should break up with them or yes, you should leave that job, you're miserable, because they're not emotionally invested in it. But once you become emotionally invested in something, I think that's when we start questioning ourselves, am I doing the right thing? Because the unknown is scary. Because you can know all these things intellectually and logically, and you can know why you made choices and still have an emotional attachment to what you gave up, which it's been making me think a lot about this weekend, about the differences between wanting something and being attached to the possibility or the potential of something and how different those two things really are, and having to discern which one you're attached to, or you have to discern, like, are these facts? Is this the truth? Is this really evidence? Because two thoughts aren't always the same, and they're not, and they're definitely not mutually exclusive. You can know that a particular life wasn't the life you wanted, and you can still also wonder what it would have looked like had you made a different choice. You can wonder whether you would have been good at something or would you have failed miserably. You can imagine a version of yourself that you also chose differently, if you would have made a different choice. Like maybe you could have moved to New York and joined a large marketing firm and been a whole

The Brain’s What If Spiral

Johnna 14:58

different person, and that's okay to imagine that version of yourself. You can even feel tenderness toward all of those possibilities. And none of those feelings automatically mean you secretly wanted that life if you didn't choose it. And if you did choose it, it doesn't mean that you secretly long for the life you once had. Sometimes we're grieving an identity we never got to fully meet because we romanticize only the good thoughts. And it's it it simply goes back to the saying of we want what we can't have. Once we've made the choice to do something, sometimes we're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Maybe I I maybe I still wanted that, or maybe I thought I didn't want that, but I actually do. But it's really the possibility of something just being taken away from you and it no longer being an option on the table that could also make these thoughts occur. Sometimes we're grieving the version of ourselves that existed for only a moment in our imaginations. And maybe that imagined version really would have been super beautiful parts of ourselves. Maybe we we would have loved some parts of that life, but that still doesn't erase the reasons that we were questioning it in the first place, the the reason why we didn't choose it, the the whole pros and cons list you made before you didn't choose it. And sometimes maybe we are just grieving not only the thing itself, but everything we believed in our imaginations are in that perfect world that we've created that might come with it. So maybe it is that relationship, a connection, a sense of permanence, your identity, a version of yourself you started imagining, a future that suddenly became real enough to picture, a life that maybe you never even planned for, but for a moment you could actually see it, a reason something might finally change in your life, or simply it could just be the possibility that life could have looked completely different if you just chose differently. And I think that part is especially hard to admit sometimes because sometimes when we're losing something or someone, or maybe even ourselves, we realize that we're grieving wasn't the only obvious thing. We're grieving what we hoped might come from that person, your future self, your old self, your identity. Maybe we thought it would change, you know, that relationship, change us. It would make somebody understand us differently. Maybe it would make us feel chosen somehow, some way. Maybe it would create a sense of security that we had been wanting for a really long time, or maybe it would just give us some new version of ourselves we had never really considered before. And sometimes, you know, circumstances can absolutely create these connections, but they can't guarantee that you'll be loved, that you'll be chosen, that there'll be emotional intimacy, there'll be security in that new life, or even happiness in that new life, or that the future would be so great if whether you take a left or a right. And the reality is, is that can be painful. Sometimes letting go of circumstances also means letting go of the fantasy or those stories we created in our head, mostly because, like, let's be real, it feels easier than losing something. And that doesn't mean that like you're romanticizing or your fantasy or that future vision was stupid by any means. It just means that you're a hopeful person. And I think that's kind of sometimes where we get stuck. I think we get stuck in the hope, in the stories, in the what-ifs versus the thoughts that got us to the final decision that we made in the first place. And that hope can be incredibly difficult to grieve sometimes. And another thing I've realized is like how desperately someone can reach for reassurance through all this grief. Whether that be, you know, calling people, telling the story again and again and again, asking, what would you have done? What would you have done? You know, getting on chat GPT, did I make the right decision? Or making multiple therapy appointments, looking for someone that you disrespect to say, I would have made that same decision in your same circumstances, or whatever else you do to seek reassurance, to make the thoughts of, did I make the right decision to leave that job, to leave that person, to move away, just turn off in your brain. And the truth is, like for a little while, I think that those things like seeking reassurance can quieten the noise in our busy brains and calm that sadness for a moment. Maybe it's for 10 minutes, you know, maybe it quietens for an hour, or maybe you get relief for a couple of days and you feel like, oh my gosh, I did make the right decision. But somehow, for me, anyways, that doubt tends to return when I'm alone. Maybe it's right before I go to bed because that's when my brain likes to turn on and be like, well, let's think about all the things you did today and what you could have done differently. And did you make the right decisions in all these moments? And I just think that's okay to

Reassurance Seeking And Distraction

Johnna 20:12

do all those things. That's again, I just think that's the way the brain is trying to protect you from the grief that may be coming with the decision you made, or you know, the unknown, that fear. And if you know anything about like therapy talk, the only way to truly move on from something is to move through your feelings versus numbing it, like versus um trying to distract yourself with all the things like TV, social media, and all the things. Because trying to rewrite the story and say that we could do things differently is just looking for certainty where certainty may not exist in that moment. Or maybe it's just like we're trying to borrow someone else's confidence because ours has disappeared for the day. I don't know. That's not wrong either. It's just personally not going to fix anything. And look, I'm also human, I spiral, I loop, I ask for reassurance, I scroll social media when I'm trying to distract myself from something that's painful. And really the truth is, is like, no matter what decision you're trying to make in life, whether it's a really good decision for you and you feel grief about it, again, we make decisions based on the information in front of us, based on our circumstances. And looking back at something, saying I should have chosen differently is just really cruel sometimes because it's hindsight at that point. Maybe you, maybe you were given new information. Like, for example, and I know I'm being very vague because I'm trying to like also keep some of my life private, whether it be a breakup or leaving a job or whatever. But like sometimes hindsight gives you all the emotional information afterward and then asks why you didn't have it beforehand. And that that sometimes is the the grief. I'm trying to think of a good example for it, like breaking up with someone. Like maybe your perception of the relationship was that someone didn't, you know, try hard enough or didn't care. And you felt you were trying to express yourself in the best way you could. And then later you find out like maybe they were going through something really difficult that they just didn't share with you in that moment. And so you can only go by what you have in front of you. It just, and truthfully, like hindsight can be such a bea be a sometimes because I feel like hindsight can let you experience the loss, whatever that be, and then convince you that because you're sad, you must have chosen incorrectly. But through all this and through all this babbling and rambling, if you're still here, I have realized that sadness is not always evidence of a mistake. Sometimes sadness is simply the cost of choosing and that you cared very deeply about something. And there usually isn't an option where you get everything you wanted. I know there's some people out there that it appears and the perception is that they get everything that they want, but sometimes we don't know into their reality either. And truthfully, I wish we would all just normalize that a little more. And I'm not saying like we all got to get on social media and show our pain and show our choices and things like that, but I think sometimes we think things because society tells us that we should feel a certain way around certain things and don't like we're also told, um, especially men, and maybe it's getting better, I don't know, like don't show your feelings and don't show that that hurts you and don't cry and don't do those things. And I just wished we would stop telling people, oh, if that was the right choice for you, then you'd feel at peace for about it. Like if going back to me leaving my job for an example, like I'm glad my friend didn't say, oh yeah, you should definitely come back if you're feeling that way, then that was the wrong choice for you. I'm glad she pushed me. I'm glad she said, just because you're feeling that way doesn't mean it was wrong to leave this job. It just means you're scared. You don't know anyone. It's something new you're having to learn. You were really good at your old job. And, you know, you need to experience new things. And I'm glad she did that because it was such a life-learning lesson for me. And I did really enjoy it after that. So I really wished that we would stop telling people, you know, if that was the right choice, then you'd feel at peace with it. Or like thinking that if we made the right decision with the evidence we had at the time, then we should just move on without sadness. Like I know people that have gotten divorces and have been really sad about it. And people are like, Why are you sad about a divorce you chose? Because even though they made that choice and that decision doesn't mean that they didn't still have love and care for that person. But maybe, you know, eventually peace does come with decisions. Like I said, like with me leaving the job, it definitely became more peaceful after that. And I made lifelong friends and learned new things. But I don't think that always comes immediately to everyone. I doubt it happens that quickly most of the time, if I'm being honest. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure there are people that make decisions all the time, life-changing decisions, move across the country, maybe even move to a new country and move the hell on with their life and know that they made the right decision and never think about it again. And honestly, I'm probably very envious of those people, but I think it's also okay to normalize making a necessary decision and crying about it if you want to or need to, and wondering what about those what-ifs and questioning yourself. I think just sitting with it for a while is also okay. I think you can leave something that you genuinely love, maybe it's someone, maybe it's a thing, and still desperately miss it after you do it. You can know a door needed to close and still stare at it. You can feel relief and grief at the exact same time. I know a lot of people think that two things can't exist at the same time, but I'm a firm believer in that. You can also miss what you chose not to keep in that moment. You can miss maybe even a future that you had imagined. You can miss that person, that thing, that version of yourself. And you can even miss something while still knowing you would not choose it again or again or again, even today. And I think that's one of the hardest parts to even explain to someone if they haven't ever experienced this themselves. Because sometimes, you know, relief and grief are just both sitting there at the same time and you're like, I don't know which one I feel, and this is just very confusing. And your brain wants to pick one or it wants to protect you, and you're like, okay, brain, pick which is it? Please choose a more positive version. Like, are you relieved up there or are you devastated? But maybe the answer is just both, and just sit with those emotions and feel them and just go through them. Maybe you can feel lighter because something is over, and also feel completely heartbroken

Faith Without Forcing Instant Peace

Johnna 26:45

that it had to end at all. Those are incredibly important distinctions between the two. And with all that being said, I also think for me, there's faith in all this too. And I also know that not everyone listening to this believes, but for me, I do. You know, before I started doing Bible study with my friend, I made statements like, God, why me? Why are you allowing this to happen? Why can't I just be happy? And I know just from talking to people that some people start struggling also with their faith, maybe when quote unquote bad things happen, and I'm not telling anyone how to handle their faith. But after getting more into mine and more into the Bible study and reading books like Job and knowing there are so many things that play a part in our human experience, and that sometimes we as humans who have free will on this earth and make choices sometimes do have to live with our, you know, choices and our the the decisions we've made, which may bring consequences. And it's not always God, you know, quote unquote allowing or quote unquote doing this to us. Sometimes it's part of a bigger plan that we have no comprehension of yet. And we may never have comprehension of it while we're on this earth. Maybe it takes you six months, maybe it takes you 10 years down the road to understand why the pieces played out the way they did. And in that moment it was ultra devastating. But when you understand it later, if you understand it later, you can have some peace and relief. But having faith means having hope that God will see us through those hard times to even if we made those what we consider bad mistakes. And sometimes it is just praying and saying just that, that you don't know what to do with this situation or decision that you've made. You don't know why you feel sad or grief. You don't know if you're grieving, you know, your decision, the circumstance, the person, the possibility of the life you even imagined. You know, you don't know if you're feeling scared, guilty, sad, ashamed, relieved, or even maybe angry sometimes, or that you don't even know what you need from God in that moment. And that's all okay. Simply asking for strength to keep moving in the direction that you chose and sticking with that choice can just be enough at that moment. There is a verse in Romans that says the spirit helps us in our weakness because sometimes we don't even know what we should pray for, and I really love that because there are seasons when I genuinely just don't have the words, and you can reach to your friends, and sometimes you don't even know what to say or what to pray, even because the truth is is you don't simply need another perfectly organized prayer or the perfect words. I need sometimes just to sit with it and know that God understands my mess and he knows what I need, and I genuinely believe that. I also think we have to be careful about turning faith into another weapon weapon against ourselves towards the negative because we can convince ourselves that if we were praying enough or, you know, maybe trusting enough, believing enough, had the strength that we wouldn't be struggling with our decision. But I don't think grief is evidence of spiritual failure. Some of the most faithful people in scripture, you know, grieved very deeply. They questioned, they cried, they made mistakes. Um, they didn't understand the choices they made at the time until later. Sometimes they might have begged God for answers or asked God where he was in those moments. And faith didn't make them go emotionally numb. So maybe faith isn't always feeling peaceful either in that moment. Maybe sometimes faith is going back to God while you're still confused. Maybe it's saying, I don't understand this at this moment and I'm bringing it to you again, and I just need your strength to help me get through it, maybe until I understand, or maybe until it feels right, or whatever it may be. And sometimes that can be again and again and again and again. It's not just going to be, oh, I prayed this one time and he gave it to me. But what I do know is that I think we need to stop using pain as proof that we made the wrong decisions in our lives. Sometimes pain just simply means that you cared, or it just means that you lost something meaningful in your life at that moment, and maybe something even more meaningful is going to replace it. Sometimes it means you had to choose between two

Gentle Next Steps After The Decision

Johnna 31:32

difficult realities, and sometimes it just means part of you is still catching up with what another part of you already knew. I think we all in life still have growing to do, and sometimes we don't need to decide today how we'll feel about a decision that we made for the rest of our life or how the rest of it will turn out because of a decision we made. I'm not saying lie to yourself to get through it, but maybe today the only thing that we have to do is just put on your to-do list is getting through today. Whether that be, hey, you know what? I made this decision, I'm grieving it right now, I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. If you if you have to take the decision back, sometimes that's what we have to do. But just go and do something simple. Drink some water, eat some food, go to the gym, go outside, pray a bad prayer, call a friend that won't judge you, cry about it, maybe go to sleep, and just wake up and do it all again the next day. And eventually, maybe the question will eventually change in our mind. Maybe instead of asking, did I make the right decision? We can start asking, How do I take care of myself now that the design the decision has been made? And then maybe instead of asking, what would everybody else have done in this moment, we can start asking, what do I need to heal in this moment? And maybe instead of demanding that God explain or fix everything immediately, we simply ask Him to stay close while we walk through something we may not understand yet. So if you made it this far to all that babbling and you understood any of that, and you're continuing to listen to this, and you've made a decision that has hurt you in the past, maybe you're doing that right now, I definitely want you to know that you aren't necessarily grieving because you chose wrong. You may simply be grieving because there was no choice available in the moment that didn't cost you something. And you made the best decision with the evidence you had in front of you at the time that you made it. And it's okay to mourn that. And you are allowed to miss the road that you didn't take. And you are allowed to wonder what it would have looked like if you chose differently. You are allowed to feel relieved. You are allowed to feel devastated, and you are allowed to feel all of those things in the same five minutes over and over again. You don't have to rewrite your history to make your grief legitimate. You don't have to convince yourself that you never cared, and you don't have to know yet exactly what this experience is going to mean in the story of your life. Because sometimes that understanding, like I said, comes later. And for now it's enough just to say, this hurt, but this also mattered. And I made the best decision I knew how to make with the life I had in front of me at that time. And now I have to learn how to be gentle with that person who had to make it, and I'm allowed to grieve it, I'm allowed to feel my feelings and know that everything ultimately always works out how they're supposed to work out in the end. So if you're in that place too, just know in this season, I am right there with you, and I'm gonna end it there. I hope that resonated with someone, or maybe I'm just truly batch it crazy and made no sense, or maybe it's both. Who knows? But anyway, guys, until next time, thank you as always for listening to me babble and fighting.